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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

managing (large) puppies

74 replies

bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/08/2011 16:01

and I do not mean breasts btw.

This is actually 'is my dh being unreasonable' as I was not there - anyway - we went out a couple of weeks ago for a sunday walk around a local (v popular) nature reserve and a well used gravelled path around it. DH went on ahead with dd and ds as they are learning to use their bikes and I strolled with dd2 as she is 2 and flatly refuses to ride her trike for more than 5 minutes. So I was not with them when they met a large puppy coming the opposite direction. DD1 is 5 and prone to nervous reactions around dogs and as she is still v wobbly on her bike she is very nervous aboput falling off. So when the puupy came bounding up barking and jumping up at her she screamed and stumbled back. No real harm done fortunately and the dog was being friendly in his own way, but dh expected the owner to bring said puppy to heel and apologise.

She half-heartedly pulled puppy off dd and when dh spoke to her she became defensive and blamed dd for squealing and scaring the puppy! Dh said she did apologise 'sort of' then stormed off but as they had met half way round the route they bumped into each other again at the end. Dh commented (v sarcastically knowing dh) that she had the puppy on a lead now at least and she huffed and puffed about it and said 'yes, now there are people around'. But there are always people around as this is a very well used reserve with a bike hire place and cafe/ conference centre lots of bikes going round and families and untrained dogs are a danger to themselves and cyclists. Plenty of dog owners use the paths but they are generally on leads and no problem - there are also wide open spaces suitable for letting them run off the lead.

Dh took note of her car reg and contacted the police to ask them to remind her of the responsibilities of dog ownership - which they did.

I know if I had been in dh's position I would not have been so confident about calling her on her behaviour and would never have thought to call the police. But I do think he was right.

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 03/08/2011 16:57

I'd have said calling the police was OTT - but then if they did actually contact the dog owner maybe we're all wrong. Perhaps they've had to deal with the outcome of too many negligent dog owners and therefore do take such complaints seriously.

Can I just make one other point - this was a nature reserve, most reserves which allow dogs at all require them to be on a lead. Out of control dogs don't mix with wildlife any better than with 'the public'.

Original poster
bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/08/2011 16:58

as soon as parents preventing their children shrieking at dogs is a legal responsibility then you will be able to do that - Maybe a 'Dangerous childrens act' is required...

OP posts:
DogsBestFriend · 03/08/2011 17:00

Children who shriek at my 3 dogs are dealt with by me, with no need for me to refer the matter on.

LadyBeagleEyes · 03/08/2011 17:02

You called the police?Shock.
Absolutely ridiculous. And a total waste of police time.
Hope they didn't miss out in dealing with a real crime while investigating a puppy without a lead on in a park.

Original poster
bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/08/2011 17:02

sorry - do I have to post instantaneously - reportage style Hmm I haven#t been on MN for a while and I was just thinking about it - as none of the opinions would have any affect on the decisions made it did not seem to matter that the events were a fortnight in the past. I could have lied and said it happened this morning but that would be strange

OP posts:
Chandon · 03/08/2011 17:08

mad to call the police IMHO

Rhinestone · 03/08/2011 17:12

So how do you deal with children who shriek at your dogs DBF? Sounds vaguely sinister!

RevoltingPeasant · 03/08/2011 17:16

Hmm, something I never get is: if a toddler bolted from his mum in the supermarket and knocked into an elderly lady, there'd be an awful lot of support for the mum. People would say things like, 'Oh we've all been there, even the best mum can't watch them 24/7, people are so intolerant' etc.

Puppies are baby animals. They do dumb things. They need exercise and it's often not U to take them off the lead, but then something unexpected happens. AFAICS the owner was a bit embarrassed and gruff, but got her dog under control and then put it on a lead. It can be tough training a young dog, the lady was probably embarrassed. Cut her some slack.

Why your DH had to be nasty to her after she'd done what he said, I don't know Hmm

Also you said she 'pulled the dog off your DD' - was the dog actually on your DD, as in touching her, or just barking quite near her? Becuase if the latter, I think you guys massively overreacted by calling the cops.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/08/2011 17:16

Bigmouth - I absolutely wasn't excusing the owner's snippy attitude with my comments about your dd squealing - and I am sorry if it came over that way. I was trying to see both sides of the issue.

Had it been my puppy, I would have apologised profusely on the spot, and would have put the pup back on the lead at once. Then I would have asked if your dd would like to pet the puppy if the puppy were to sit and behave quietly - to try to set right what my dog had done.

I do agree with those who have said that it was unneccessary for your husband to make a sarcastic comment when the owner did put her pup on the lead - I can understand he was upset and cross about your dd being upset, but it was rude of him. It inflamed the situation again, and that's not a good thing, imo. I suspect that her response to his sarcasm was part of what made him then phone the police - something that really wasn't neccessary as she had listened to what he'd said and put her puppy on the lead - and this probably wouldn't have happened if he had just ignored her when he saw her again.

southmum · 03/08/2011 17:26

Your DH is an arse making a bitchy comment like some 6 year old after the woman tok note of what he said, and as for ringing the police.... Biscuit

HermioneRocks · 03/08/2011 17:27

Honestly I think your dh massively over-reacted, yes she should have been more vigilant in the first place but she had taken heed and put the puppy on a leda, to THEN call the police was ridiculous. I have two very large dogs (Rhodesian Ridgebacks) one of whom is 32kg but only 6 months old. Sometimes she can be very disobedient despite usually being excellent at recall and having other people over-react in this way is really unhelpful. I think your dhs reaction was a bad example to your dd and frankly abit mad.

akaemmafrost · 03/08/2011 17:36

This is truly one of the most pathetic things I have ever read on here.

Your dh sounds like a self righteous twerp and you not much better.

How about you get your daughter comfortable around dogs instead of buying into and most likely increasing her fear with such a massive overreaction?

Can't believe anyone would phone the police about such an occurrence.

Al0uiseG · 03/08/2011 17:42

Trouble is how can you ever socialise a pup if he has to be on a lead every time he sees a pfb child.

RevoltingPeasant · 03/08/2011 17:47

Well quite l0uise and also even well-trained dogs when young suddenly get startled and do something daft. Maybe she had been training him to walk nicely off the lead, he was doing well, and then suddenly came around the corner and was spooked by the DC and started barking.

That kind of thing happens. It's life. Calling the police is, imo, like calling SS for a mum whose child unexpectedly tries to run into a busy road.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/08/2011 17:48

Well - I think you can work with the pup so that his/her recall is solid, so that if they do start to run towards a child, you can call them back. And you can do your best to walk the dog where there aren't going to be children about (as far as possible, obviously) whilst the pup is still unpredictable/doesn't recall well.

Original poster
bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/08/2011 17:50

ok - I appreciate that many of you think dh was overreacting - I was not there so am not in a position to give a first hand account.

I do not think dh should have got into a 'heated discussion' but he really does like dogs and I do not think he would have reacted as he did without the owners attitude towards him and the situation - she was making comments about him and dd he responded. But the owner of a dog does have a legal responsibilty towards others - the police would have laughed at dh and told him to stop wasting police time otherwise.

I appreciate all the comments evn the ones calling dh and I idiots as this is the nature of AIBU. DD is no pfb btw poor girl is the ignored middle child.

OP posts:
alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants · 03/08/2011 17:50

I think maybe it may have been better to contact the local dog warden, they would have been able to advise where the area in which you were allowed dogs of leads.

In our area dogs are only allowed of leads in certain areas.

Rhinestone · 03/08/2011 17:56

And at the end of the day, it's a puppy FFS! I mean, how scary is a puppy?!

I don't mean to be critical of the 5 yr old here, can appreciate she might have been scared. But an adult should be able to assess the situation and know that a puppy does not pose a threat. It's not as if it was a huge, snarling, large-fanged mastiff.

(And before anyone starts with the 'some of my best friends are mastiffs and they're the gentlest dogs in the world and like picking flowers for the local orphanage' bollocks, I'm just using a large breed example that could look scary in certain circumstances).

RevoltingPeasant · 03/08/2011 17:58

SDTG yeah totally, my point was that the woman probably thought she was in an okay area because she couldn't see any DCs, and then they came round the corner suddenly (sounds like).

OP I think the woman didn't behave ideally but you must see that calling the police would have been really, really scary for her - she probably thought her dog might be taken away - all because it is a daft puppy in the wrong place at the wrong time.

tbh, not to be mean, but I can't help wondering if your DH overegged it when describing it to the police as he seems to have got so vehement about it - and that's what made them take it seriously. I mean it's not like she was nipped at or anything.

Lovesicecream · 03/08/2011 18:00

Your husband spoke to her and she became defensive? You mean your husband got sarky with her, as he did later on ( you think) and she got defensive. She put the puppy back on the lead so realy there was no need for him to make any comment to her when he next saw her

She should have kept the puppy on a lead but it doesn't sound like it was dangerous / vicious so no harm done

You should perhaps teach your dd not to scream at dogs, what would have happened if it had been a horse and shed screamed and spooked it

Your husband is an idiot! Phoning the police because of an excitable puppy!

Original poster
bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/08/2011 18:04

he did not over egg his report to the police- he was very mild in tone and reasonable throughout the conversation and was at pains to point out dd was in no danger but that the dog was mishandled and the owner irresponsible in his opinion - he requested they reminded her of her responsibilities and no more.

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/08/2011 18:07

Rhinestone - we have a little girl in our street who is afraid of dogs because she was knocked down by an excited labrador puppy (not ours, I hasten to add) - a big breed puppy can easily knock a small child over, and even though odds are that the puppy is just being friendly and playful, it wouldn't seem that way to the child.

We've spent quite a lot of time letting the little girl pet our dog, and making sure that Coco sits nicely and doesn't jump up when she sees her, and now she is happy and confident enough around Coco that she will ask to come and take her for short walks round our end of the cul-de-sac (we keep an eye on her when she does this, and so do her parents, to make sure all goes well) - so it is possible to reverse the damage when a child is scared of dogs.

Original poster
bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/08/2011 18:08

It is not the dog that caused the problem - it was the owner - he called the police to speaker to the puppies owner not to the puppy! If you see the distinction - I think it is an important one.

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 03/08/2011 18:09

Your DH sounds like a sanctimonious prat OP, sorry.
And whatever you say, I bet the police in question thought the whole thing was ridiculous as well. They have far more important things to do.

RevoltingPeasant · 03/08/2011 18:11

Okay sorry bigmouth, unfair assumption on my part. tbh as a dog owner I would've been absolutely terrified if the police came round; I just think it was a massive overreaction and your DH could've been a lot more empathetic. And you know that even if it wasn't the puppy's fault, the worst-case scenario is, it'd be the puppy potentially getting punished by being removed from its owner.

Anywho, never mind.