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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask is this normal?

24 replies

frownieface · 02/08/2011 12:23

In the house next to us,there must be between 6-10 people living there. This includes at least one child (a toddler). I have heard another child, but I cannot be sure that the sound is coming from the same house iykwim.

The child (toddler) never goes out, you can sometimes hear crying, and there is always baby clothes on the washing line. I have a gut feeling that something is amiss.

I don't know whether I am being nosey and should mind my own business. Or whether I should report it, and if I do report who to?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 02/08/2011 12:24

Report it to social services if there is nothing wrong there is no harm done.

SenoritaViva · 02/08/2011 12:25

It depends on the size of the house to the number of people living there. Other than not seeing the children, what makes you feel that something is amiss? Right now I don't think you have much grounds for speaking to someone.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/08/2011 12:26

Usually it's best to mind your own business until and unless you hear sounds that might indicate someone's in distress. Which isn't the case here. However, in a spirit of neighbourliness and to satisfy your curiosity why not pop round for the proverbial cup of sugar and get to know the people next-door a bit better?

starfishmummy · 02/08/2011 12:32

So are you standing behind the net curtains all day to be certain the child never goes out?

Birdsgottafly · 02/08/2011 12:33

If you have suspicions report to SS.

There was a case recently were a neighbour kept reporting about her concerns, the children have now been removed from the mother because of the severe neglect that they were enduring, they would have enventually died if left.

In another recent case a twin baby girl was killed by her parents, one neighbour felt that something was amiss but because HV's were going to the house didn't report anything, it turned out the the parents were only showing them one twin but passing it off as the abused one.

biddysmama · 02/08/2011 12:36

birdgottafly that baby lived in the next town to me :( we havent got enough hv's to go around :(

bananasplitz · 02/08/2011 12:37

report to ss

Birdsgottafly · 02/08/2011 12:39

That why the general public need to do their bit. The neighbour was interviewed and said that now she is on slepping tablets , blaming herself. She never heared anything but saw the couple out with one baby only. The other neighbours didn't know that she had twins.

buttonmoon78 · 02/08/2011 12:41

FWIW, I don't know if I'm reading too much into this, but some cultures where there may be several generations living in the same house then don't take young children out very much if at all as granny may well be housebound and in charge of the little ones if mum has to go out.

I personally know of several families like that.

I don't know if that is the case here but it's worth considering.

However, if you have genuine concerns, raise them. If there's nothing wrong then it will be a simple matter to resolve.

springydaffs · 02/08/2011 12:44

Of course report it! YOur gut feeling is that something is amiss - go with it. I don't get the very strange posts suggesting you are a curtain-twitcher. Always report it if you feel something is amiss regarding a child. Report to ss, they will protect your anonymity so you don't need to worry about that.

wigglesrock · 02/08/2011 12:44

Why don't you call around, make some excuse about lost post, may help allay your fears or cement them. Agree with buttonmoon78 my next door but one neighbours have an extended family of about 8 living with them.

Original poster

frownieface · 02/08/2011 12:45

No I'm not standing behind the net curtains all day. I have had no experience of this whatsoever. This is why I am asking if it is normal.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/08/2011 12:46

OP... why are you only guessing how many people live there? Don't you talk to them ever?

buttonmoon78 · 02/08/2011 12:47

I personally know of... sorry - don't know where that poor wording came from

Poweredbypepsi · 02/08/2011 12:50

Not really sure from what you have written why you feeL something is wrong. I would make up an excuse to go round rather than reporting to social services. There is no evidence of abuse or neglect surely from what you have written?.

Birdsgottafly · 02/08/2011 12:58

I agree that the behaviour could be perfectly normal for that family. But sometimes uneasy feelings are not wrong.

I visit from SS will not result in action being taken against the family, but may save a child.

robingood19 · 02/08/2011 14:58

being as its a young child report it if you are still unhappy

altinkum · 02/08/2011 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coff33pot · 02/08/2011 16:03

I would call round. If you have kids, maybe you got some clothes that might fit the toddler. and a good excuse to call. Ask if you could have a pan filled with water as you have to have yours cut off for pipe work and forgot to fill it. There are a lot of excuses to call to relieve your mind. If there are kids clothes on the line then the child is being kept clean so must be being looked after.

I wouldnt call anyone without doing some polite investigating first. My DS doesnt go out a lot due to his special needs and he hates crowds and its not safe for him to be walking around street. Just saying there could be a very valid reason before you jump in with both feet

megapixels · 02/08/2011 16:09

How do you know that the child never goes out though? Our immediate neighbours have a child but I have no idea of what he's doing. Maybe you've just never been outside at the time they've been leaving the house?

BluddyMoFo · 02/08/2011 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

frownieface · 02/08/2011 23:16

No I do not spend my life watching their front door

I work evenings, so am home for most of the day, I just thought it was a bit odd to never see this child out.

OP posts:

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 00:48

I think definitely inform ss. All you will be saying is that you never see the child go out which is true. And unusual if you work evenings and are in most days. If there are good reasons for this ss will find out and might be able to help. Maybe the child has a severe medical condition, maybe the mum has social anxiety or agoraphobia or maybe they just don't see the need to go out much. If there is nothing sinister going on ss will be able to put some help in place for them and if there is then they need to be involved.

DrCoconut · 03/08/2011 01:03

Your anonymity will be protected if you do report it. And if the child is basically OK no serious action if any should result. I was reported to SS (we had difficulties with my now ex, who is DS1's father, and aggression that eventually led to DV but nothing to put my child at risk, I left when it reached that point) and they would not tell me who did it or on what grounds. I got a call from them asking me to go to their offices with DS1. I did and after a brief chat no more was made of it. But they did say I could go back without DS being taken away if I needed more help or talk to HV about further support for the situation I was in. Difficult to know what's best, I was not best pleased that some busy body had intruded on my life, but on the flip side I did need minor intervention and the contacts I made through acting on the advice given at that meeting were vital later on, a friend I made at baby group helped me avoid going into a women's refuge. And some nights when ex was kicking off I prayed that someone would be concerned and call someone (we had no phone). Probably think about why you think something is wrong, make an excuse to call round and if you are still worried follow your instinct.

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