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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel a tiny little bit smug.. yeah i know i am

44 replies

biddysmama · 02/08/2011 08:44

that my friend who has a toddler the same age as mine (her first child, my second) that told everyone who would listen that gina ford and controlled crying were the only way to bring up a child, and that if you didnt cc your child would never sleep through now has a toddler that doesnt sleep and mine does even tho i left her to sleep when she was ready?

yeah im a bad person

OP posts:

DoMeDon · 02/08/2011 15:19

Arf at 'baby torture'

Melodrama much? You're gonna get a wedgie off your judgely pants biddy

NoobyNoob · 02/08/2011 15:25

...and whilst she tears her hair out wanting help and advice, I assume you're sat there nice and smug just waiting to tell her 'I told you so'?

Also, love the baby torture comment. I'm one of those who tortured my son by CC.

I'm off, here....have a lovely

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 02/08/2011 15:33

:o at baby torture

With DD I didn't implement a routine at all, just went with the flow, such an easy child, sleeping 8hrs a night at 3weeks old, tantrums never lasted too long etc. We thought how nice it would be to have another - ha! Ds is nearly a year, still wakes around 5am (on a good night) sometimes wakes during the night, but at 6m he was still waking every hour and a half, I had to do something.

Each to their own, I don't think it is wise to tell a sleep deprived parent they are doing it wrong :o

Original poster

biddysmama · 02/08/2011 15:34

baby torture ws meant to be a joke, thats why it was crossed out, i dont agree with cc or cio but i do understand why people do it

OP posts:

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 02/08/2011 20:59

My DS does still ask for help because he knows he will get it if needed but as a parent you can tell I'd you're child is crying because they want attention/to stay up or feed to sleep or if they need you ie are unwell, dirty nappy etc
I think different methods work for different parents/kids I found the normal CC a bit too harsh for me so I did a mixture of that and pick up put down, the key is to be consistent and not give up regardless of what method u choose.

barbiegrows · 02/08/2011 21:07

No that's not smug - smug is being attacked by a bunch of home educators on mn - with spelling mistakes.

YANBU.

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 21:13

It is always, always really unpalatable when people are smug about something their child does when another child of a similar age doesn't.

It's not a competition, and if you didn't think it was you wouldn't be storing up stuff she'd said years ago to dig up and be smug about.

So yes, YABU.

Mumcentreplus · 02/08/2011 21:17

Ahh..it works for some and not others..DD1 erm NO 3 hrs of crying...DD2 little whimper then snoozing

Mumcentreplus · 02/08/2011 21:19

I think she's feeling smugtastic because the lady in question was acting like GF was the ONLY way which of course is not the case...

mummyosaurus · 02/08/2011 21:22

I too am smug, having endured many "rod for your own back" comments about our co sleeping. My formerly co sleeping kids are in their own beds, fab sleepers and happy kids (after a few hiccups), I try to keep my smile to myself

LemonDifficult · 02/08/2011 21:23

Biddysmama, is this the third controlled crying thread I've seen you on today?

What's with you? I don't think this is about your friend at all, sounds like an agenda.

blushingm · 02/08/2011 21:24

I remember when my nephew was born. my ds was 3 and going through the terrible 3's. I heard bil speaking to mil he said 'hope my son doesn't turn out like blushingm's ds'

well ds grew out of his terrible 3's into a well behaved loving boy but my nephew who is coming up 6 has always been difficult. He never slept, has major tantrums, took ages to toilet train (frequently soiling himself until he was almost 4), is always 'highly strung', won't share, always has to have his own way, has to be bribed to do anything. Comments like that will always come and bite them on the bum - it's just satisfying to observe it sometimes

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 21:25

Yes I read WHY she's feeling smugtastic mumcentreplus, I just don't think she should be patting herself on the back over it.

It's shit when your kid doesn't sleep - I know people who've spouted shit abut thsi but still feel sympathy when I know they're on their knees with sleep deprivation.

OP sounds really unforgiving and weird. Let's hope your strategy doesn't come back and bite YOU on the arse in future OP, and then you discover your 'friend' has been revelling in your misery on here.

Mumcentreplus · 02/08/2011 21:39

I really don't think she's that bad..she's human after all..the friend in question was quite happy to make OP and everyone in earshot feel that anything other than GF was the only way to bring up a child..didn't quite work out did it...so now she's being a bitch for thinking actually my way worked?... she didn't say it to her face did she...
bully for you if you wouldn't have even a moment of quiet triumph...

I have had a DD who sleeps and one who doesn't..whatever one needs to do to make sleep happen does not make me judge them as a parent..

I never slept until recently (gave my mother hell) and that's because I'm nearly 40 and need me beauty sleep

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 21:54

Yeay! Bully for me!!!

I guess I'm just not the type who has 'friends' who I would happily start threads on mumsnet to bitch about. Either someone is your friend and you take the rough with the smooth, or they are some acquaintance or whatever.

But, to me, the very nature of someone being a friend is being supportive of them even if they've been a wally in the past, and most of all being able to sympathise and not point the finger and snigger behind their back.

But then AIBU at the moment seems to be full of people starting threads about their 'friends' and justifying why it's ok to slag them off on here.

chipmonkey · 02/08/2011 21:59

The only thing I ever say about sleep is that nobody knows what will work for every baby. I did cc with my first three. So far they are not axe-murderers. Didn't need to do it on ds4. He was just one of those remarkably good babies that I would probably have been incredibly smug about had he been my first.

ReindeerBollocks · 02/08/2011 22:10

I've never read parenting books (I don't think DS would have fit into any category) but I found the difficult baby bits rather easy to deal with. Same with toddlers, I just get their reasoning for tantrums and being a total PITA. But I find the 5-8 age range immensely difficult.

It has basically taught me not to be so frigging judgemental, yeah give me a screaming baby and I'm fine. Give me a 7 year old and I am way out of my depth. Lesson... People find different parts of parenting challenging, yes it is slightly amusing when those who bleat the loudest get their comeuppance but everyone struggles with at least one part of childrearing, and someone may well be laughing at you in the same way one day.

singforsupper · 04/08/2011 08:00

Yes, be smug, Gina Ford is desperately in need of a bad press.

sootytotherescue · 04/08/2011 08:19

Nobody should be smug about anyone elses parenting 'failures'. It will just come back to bite you in the ass. Everything is a faze, teething, sleeping, not sleeping, bfing, tantrums, potty training, weaning etc.., and as quickly as they start they stop and on to the next challenge. Parenting is a constant learning curve which I imagine we're on until the day we die.

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