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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask exp for extra money?

17 replies

goatshavestrangeeyes · 01/08/2011 13:45

So dd's dad finally gave me some money for her. £120 for the month which i thought was fine. With this money i went and bought her school uniform plus some new shoes which she needed and i have some spare for a rainy day. This is the first time he has given me anything in 14 months btw!

Now, she needs a new bike. Hers is way too small and generally is just a horrible looking thing! (btw she has had it for over 2 years now) I like her to be active, and we like to go on bike rides etc but obviously a new bike is quite an extravagant thing to just go out and buy one day.

So would ibu to ask dd's dad to pay for half towards her new bike, even though he has already given me some money? He still lives at home, no rent etc and no partner or children to pay for.

OP posts:

chicletteeth · 01/08/2011 13:46

You can ask I suppose.

Try freecycle or ebay.

You can get a bargain if you look hard enough

Butterflybows · 01/08/2011 13:47

You should definitely ask him! He has got away with not paying you very much, so you are entitled to ask for the last 14 months maintenance. Does he work?Have you contacted the CSA?

YouDoTheMath · 01/08/2011 13:47

You might have to wait until next month...

How about second hand bike?

Butterflybows · 01/08/2011 13:50

Are we not missing the point that he has not contributed any money in the last 14 months?!

GypsyMoth · 01/08/2011 13:51

Use the leftover money?

A bike isn't a necessity,assume you claim child benefit and tax credits on her behalf?

GypsyMoth · 01/08/2011 13:51

And go to the csa...

yoshiLunk · 01/08/2011 13:59

It certainly is not unreasonable of you to ask. (however IME brand new bicycles are overpriced and you can get something very good and low priced on ebay)

It's not a huge amount that he's giving you.

It would not have been unreasonable to ask for half of the uniform money IMO. (DH has always provided at least half for uniforms and equipment etc on top of the maintenance for his other DC.)

controlpantsandgladrags · 01/08/2011 13:59

He definitely owes you a lot of money! I'm not sure I agree that it should be used to buy a bike though. In my mind an expensive non-essential like a bike is for Christmas or Birthday and not for everyday purchase.

Definitely ask him for the money he owes you, but don't mention what you intend to spend it on

Original poster

goatshavestrangeeyes · 01/08/2011 13:59

Yeah he said he hasn't been working in the last 14 months and says well if i had the money then i would give it to you no problem. Csa are on the case don't worry!

We have been looking at second hand ones but honestly there are not many around right now, and people are asking rediculous money for what i would call junk!

I would wait til her birthday to get her one but thats not til october so tyical bristish weather would have kicked in before then and she probably won't get much use out of it.

I will ask him, suppose it can't do any harm!

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 01/08/2011 14:01

tesco have a sale on,some online still

also,if not working then the csa should have collected £5 a week from him anyway

Original poster

goatshavestrangeeyes · 01/08/2011 14:22

We have found a brand new bike, with helmet etc for less than £70 from sports direct so its actually not that bad. Luckily!

I suspect he was not claiming jsa either, or working cash in hand. I got in contact with csa when i suspected he was working before and they wrote to me saying i wouldn't get a penny because it wouldn't be fair on him, really not sure why but genuinely thats what it said! He has told me they have got in contact with him already now he is working properly so hopefully they will sort something.

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 01/08/2011 16:01

Once CSA direct him to pay something it's no good asking him for more because you need some big item. You've handed the case over to the powers that be, and by them you must abide. Harsh but true.

Original poster

goatshavestrangeeyes · 01/08/2011 16:21

The csa didn't direct him to give me the cash he did last week, he did that because i told him that now he has a job he has no excuse not to pay for his daughter especially as he hasn't for 14 months! (which funnily enough was just after my ds was born with new dh)

And tbh i don't think it is wrong to ask him for thngs she needs or wants. After all he has never done it before so her may aswell start now!

Once the csa sort something out and he is paying me what he should every week without fail then of course i will leave it at that.

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 01/08/2011 18:15

It's not just that, goats, if he doesn't pay as ordered you have to leave enforcement in their (not very satisfactory) hands. Only they can take any proceedings, and it's not use you banging on the door, you'll tire before he does.

And what they order depends on a formula which does not vary next time she needs a new bike, school kit, a holiday, or whatever.

FabbyChic · 01/08/2011 18:22

He has given you £120 and bougth her a new bike, there is really no need to push it is there?

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2011 18:40

He's given her £120 months over 14 months and no bike, Fabby! That works out at about £2 per week. I don't care if he was on the dole, he could easily have given her something.

HeatherSmall · 01/08/2011 18:43

No need to push it, FFS £120 in 14 months ? I thought my ex was a basket case.
The CSA need their arses kicking, there has to be another way.

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