to think DP should want to come out with me?

[iamamilkmachine]

We have a 14 month old and have been invited to one of my friend's weddings next weekend. Because I'm still breastfeeding we don't have much time out together and so I was excited to be going out to a social event where he can have a drink and where we could take DD. Tonight I asked if he was looking forward to going and he made a big fuss and said he doesn't want to go, so now it'll just be me and DD. I understand he'll only know me there and will feel a bit uncomfortable, but I only know the bride and her sister in law.
Sorry for the rant-just a lot peeved off!

Just take a friend with you.

It's normal in my world for one member of a relationship to go somewhere alone if the other doesn't wish to join them.

What's abnormal to me is the idea that an adult may not make independent decisions. You're not joined at the hip, you're a big girl and boy now, surely you can go to a function alone without all this introspection and fuss?

I can think of plenty of things I'd rather do than attend the wedding of someone I don't know in the company of people I don't know either and probably would have no interest in knowing.

So, I would do them, leaving the partner who wanted to go to the wedding to do so. No big deal.

I for one do not understand why you do not want your dd to call him daddy. he is her daddy. He is there for her, parents her, loves her. No, he is not her biological father, but unless you think the bio father is going ride in anytime soon and claim fatherhood, why the hell are you being so controlling? He is her blooming dad!

OK, this has gone way off subject but we both agreed from the start that it would be DD's decision as to whether she called DP dad or not. Can you imagine what it is like to break up with someone for a very valid reason and then find out you are pregnant? I have become quite guarded and ended up in a brilliant situation where friendship turned to love. This was very unexpected and we spoke constantly throughout my pregnancy about the implications of DP being 'daddy' or DP. We both thought that the best option would be fo be honest with DD from the start and let her know that DP has brought her up as a father but that biologically she is not his. This is in part to avoid and future ramifications with regards to what could be an 'I know you call DP daddy but in fact he isn't' moment. It is only now DD is talking that the change of heart has occurred with DP.

Hi OP. Would like to ask: How is it 'way off subject' when you opened your original post with 'We have a 14 month old'?

People here can only respond to what you write; and the very first thing you wrote was ambiguous as it turns out.

I think it could be the crux of the matter, tbh.

Worth a thought?

I do agree that couples don´t have to go everywhere/do everything together.

But weddings are often a couples thing.

And if neither of you know many others there-some time together which you might actually enjoy!

If I were to write everything attached to our relationship in the opening post it would go on for about three pages. Further on in the thread I have stated that we both see DD as our daughter, therefore opening with we have a 14 month old is correct, we do have a 14 month old, it is just not as conventional as for people lucky enough to have a straightforward parenting relationship.

Diddl - thank you, I also agree that couples don't have to go everywhere/do everything together, I just thought weddings were a couply thing and thought it would be a nice day out for the three of us.

If it was almost any other "do" I'd say you should go without him, couples don't have to do everything togther etc. But, IMO weddings are different and you should go as a couple/family.

Was this discussed when you (both) accepted the invitation? If the invitation was accepted, then it is absolutely non-negotiable and he must go.

It's not a traditional wedding, no RSVPs, no meal, just a turn up at the church, make your way to the reception and eat the buffet do so it's not a massive issue to the bride and groom, when I told DP we were invited he said OK and that was about it.

I was going to say that the time to raise his objection to this was when you RSVP'd. It's very rude to change your mind just because you can't be bothered! If there was a formal RSVP you wouldn't have been able to take someone else along and also it would be somewhat questionable whether DD was invited unless she was specifically named on the invite.

To be honest, as I absolutely hate weddings, when we RSVP it's often as DH alone because frankly I'd rather have a root canal than spend a whole day with people I don't know very well, having ground hog day conversation with ("So how do you know the happy couple?" "Doesn't the bride look beautiful?" etc etc. ad nauseum!). I think it's perfectly acceptable not to go to something if you don't want to - it's an invitation, not a summons! So he's perfectly fine not to go in my book.

But since this is a more informal affair, I reckon you'd be okay to go with whoever you want to, and that it's really up to you as to whether you'd be able to handle it on your own - weddings do tend to be very coupley events and you will be asked 250 times "Oh where's DP?" and probably have to make an excuse.

Am definitely going with just DD, will think of a good excuse and back story to it before I go!

I am sorry about this. I understand your delight at wanting to go out and socialise, having breastfed your baby for so long. I don't know what to say about your husband except I understand your sadness. I can only echo those who say please go and have a reallly good time you and your little one:-)