To question why certain "life choices" are granted more sympathy than others?

[KilledBill]

So - this question may get some a bit riled but that is not my intention, this is genuine question which really does piss me off sometimes.

Why do we grant sympathy to certain "choices" people make, resulting in bad consequences, but others are condemned?

For example, drug abuse. The recent sad loss of Amy Winehouse has brought this back up for me....although nearly all I've seen on MN is resepectful alot of seen elsewhere is not. Basically I've seen people saying it is good that she is dead, she deserved it, it was "her own choice".

Yet I see anorexic women getting sympathy poured on them - surely it is a choice not to eat if you believe it is a choice to take drugs? Anorexics have alot of mental health help and are treated like victims, yet addicts are treated like criminals. I cant help but wonder if it is because most anorexics are young women who play nicely into the "frail damsel in distress" role that society seems to want so much - yet addicts do not.

Another one - I see on super-nanny type crap and infact in the street mothers struggling with very difficult children - sometimes these children have additional needs, sometimes not, but I have seen women abused by their own children, sometimes violently attacked.

Ive heard comments that these mothers "just aren't strict enough" or that they are bad parents, also that ADHD and autism etc dont exist it is just lazy parenting. This makes me so angry. Someone I know has to practically beat down the door to get help with her violent son, yet if it were her boyfriend slapping her round the face instead of him, she would be getting help. Infact the "services" would probably even chase her to offer help. Again - why is it viewed as deserving of sympathy if you chose to stay with a man who beats you, yet its your own bloody fault if your child who you cannot hit back or leave is abusive towards you?

your claim that drug addicts are usually criminals is wrong. many people are addicted to prescribed drugs too, you know given to them by their doctors

have you never had a drink, never taken any form of drug including a prescribed drug which many are addictive? anyone can form an addiction and addiction is impossible for some to fight against others manage and some fight against it constantly

Usually,I said, not always. And its not a value judgement, its only a statement of fact. Not sure why personal circumstances would come into that?

SchrodingersMew - it is exactly that attitude that I take issue with.

"Anorexia is started by an illness and underlying conditions"

To be honest I doubt any perfectly happy and healthy person just wakes up one day and decides they want to be a smack head. Surely you must be unhappy to take the drugs? and therefore have "underlying issues" just the same.

You say taking the drug is a choice - well by your reasoning then surely the "simple dieting" was also a choice, and the deciding not to eat the next day and the next is also a choice?

I fail to see how someone can have sympathy with one and not the other. Surely you understand there are issues with both and they both need help, or you believe no one deserves sympathy and it is all your own choice.

Autism isn't an illness. All the autistic people I know are offended when people mistakenly say that it is. It's a difference in cognitive function. It's a disability because society does not tolerate difference.

What about alcoholics? Most people try alcohol, which can also be very difficult, some will only drink occasionally, some people drink too much but still have a normal life. But some people will be become full blown alcoholics.
A lot of people will also try something like cannabis, but very few of them will go on to become drug addicts. I would say the underlying factors that cause people to abuse drugs and alcohol are often similar to those that contribute to eating disorders.

Exactly, killed (re:underlying issues). It's the whole 'trainspotting' thing isn't it? ie we're not morons, we take this stuff because it makes us feel better than our currently shitty lives.

Some life choices tend to have poorer outcomes and/or impact other people negatively. Most people (entirely rationally IMO) are less sympathetic to those choices.

I am currently battling alcholism. I never set out to end up in this position. I've never committed a criminal act nor lost a job but there is a huge stigma to heavy drinkers that there isn't with anorexics.

My point was that most people with eating disorders do not realise the chaos they are about to cause when they start not eating.
Everyone is quite aware of how addictive drugs are, which means people who start taking them will have more of an awareness of the damage it will most likely cause when they start taking them.

Yes both normally involve other MH conditions but one normally knows the damage much better than the other.

To put it like this.

I was anorexic from the age of 12 to 15, when I started to stop eating I didn't realise it would be out of my control, infact I was completely unaware at the time that it would be possible for me to lose control of eating.

I have FM and HMS, I have been taking tramadol on max dosage everyday since I was 15 until a week before I got pregnant.
I knew fine well when I started taking them that they were addictive and chances were that I wouldn't be able to stop them, I knew this when I started taking them but still decided to do it. Luckily I was able to stop without any help but I knew that there was that chance.

Yes but there are people who take drugs NOT knowing - these days with more education and knowledge most people know, but not all. And surely you stopped eating to become thinner? In which case you also knew those consequences. A drug addict may know of addiction, but think "it will never happen to me".....Basically thats what you are saying you did.....You knew that stopping eating would make you thinner, but you never thought it would get the better of you ...

Anorexics do not realise initially what they are getting themselves into. When I started dieting I was a teenager surrounded my messages about healthy eating etc at school; many adults that I knew/respected were or had been on diets and it was a completly respectable/acceptable (indeed a 'positive' thing to do). It is only at a later point where the mental illness/feelings and need for control kick in and by then it is much harder to stop.

Alcohol/drugs were completly different - at school they were (rightly) portrayed negatively/as the thing to avoid.

I have seen some vile comments on Facebook about Amy Winehouse.

Addiction is a mental illness. Nobody chooses to be an addict. Some people are born with addictive personalities. One chooses to have the first drink, or fix, or smoke, or place the first bet, or whatever - knowing it is addictive.

I've tried all of the above at some point, as have most people. None of it interests me. I didn't have to fight an interest in any of them, there was no choice involved. I'm lucky. That's all. There but for the grace of God and all that.

Drug addiction and anorexia are such similar conditions.

No drug addict takes drugs to get addicted. They take drugs for loads of different reasons and some find themseves addicted and some don't. I have taken drugs myself when I was younger (and never got addicted) and know addicts so I feel middlingly well versed to comment on this.

Similarly, anorexics do not choose to be anorexic. They may start restricting their food for a number of different reasons - some find themselves addicted to this, some do not.

With both disorders the difficulty is that the only person who can choose to stop is the drug addict/anorexic. It is wrong to say that it is impossible for them to stop, as there are ex-addicts and ex-anorexics out there. But it also too simplistic to say they can choose to stop any time they like.

It is also much easier to talk about this generally. Actually being a supportive friend to someone with an addiction of whatever kind is very hard. In normal friendships you can rely on trust but you can't in a relationship with someone who is necessarily secretive either because they haven't admitted they have a problem or because they are ashamed of their problem.

I think part of the perception is that people who drink, take drugs, overeat do so for pleasure so they are making other people pay the price of them irresponsibly enjoying themselves - I am not say this is a correct view but it does give people something to hang their judgey pants on (IYSWIM). I don't think anyone assumes people become anorexic because it is enjoyable.

I accept that this is flawed logic as an anorexic may get a perverse sort of pleasure out of not eating and having a serious drug addiction has moved a long way from it being a pleasurable activity.

Partly, I think that many people have some experience of the pleasurable side of drinking or drug taking or overeating so it becomes easy to assume that addicts are doing these things because they enjoy them rather than because they are no longer able to stop without help.

Personally I feel they are both a choice of sorts. Somewhere along the line someone chooses to not eat/take drugs.

Of course they don't choose to get addicted etc. But they chose the original step, knowing the potential consequences.

However I have less sympathy for a drug addict as, even if they do not turn to crime themselves, they are supporting crime by buying from criminals.

When I worked in a hospital I felt there was a huge difference in the level of sympathy for people who had heart problems from smoking than those who had liver problems from drinking.

Really blewit? In what way who got the most sympathy?

It was just that the heart patients, many of whom were there due to smoking, (in my view) were treated as though it was unfortunate. But the alcoholics were treated as though it was their own fault, had choices. I felt some of the staff really didn't respect them in the same way. Maybe it's because the alcoholism causes more damage to friends/family along the way - I don't know.

Addicts don't get much sympathy because they made a choice when they were (usually) teenagers that wrecked their and other's lives. A bit like joining the Army, some would argue. Both arguably involved in criminal activities. My point is, there will be people who argue either choice is harmful and foolish. Who doesn't do anything foolish when they're teenagers? Not many, but most of us don't do much damage as a result.