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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say NO to Brownies?

52 replies

GraduallyGoingInsane · 27/07/2011 17:04

Hi, I've been lurking a while, but never posted before! Be gentle with me please, I'm a newbie!

My DD4 has just got a space at the local Brownie pack - she's 8 and going into Year 4 in September. She's desperate to go of course, but I really don't want to add anything else into her schedule. So far, we do:

Monday - 1.5 hours of competitive cheerleading
Tuesday - 1.5 hours of ballet
Wednesday - 1.5 hours of competitive cheerleading
Thursday -
Friday - 2 hours of gymnastics
Saturday - 2 hours of ballet
Sunday -

Add in that she is DD4, and my other 3 all do cheerleading/gymnastics/ballet as well, that's a lot of running around. Plus DD3 is due to start Secondary this year, so I'd really like to keep our one free night sacred for homework and just general relaxing.

I have said no to Brownies - it would be on Thursdays, which is currently our only night in. I suggested she dropped one of the other activities in order to do Brownies, but you'd have thought I was threatening cutting off a limb. She is currently sulking upstairs.

Am I the meanest mummy in the world, and is Brownies REALLY worth sacrificing our only night in?!

OP posts:

madwomanintheattic · 27/07/2011 17:59

i'd work out how she can go to brownies and drop one of the ballet sessions. not sure how or why she is in a ballet school that has such long classes twice a week at eight, particularly for a child who isn't really into it and loves gymnastics and cheer more.

i have three dancers (ballet tap jazz hip hop musical theatre) who i spend most of my life ferrying to classes and competitions, but they still fit in swimming, brownies, cubs, guides, ice hockey, and in the summer hiking club, climbing club, and this week, geology camp... next week dd1 is going on a provincial guide camp to represent her unit and is bouncing off the ceiling with excitement. she's been a rainbow and a brownie and this will be her final hurrah as a guide as she moves up in september. dd2 was a brownie and a beaver last year, but this year i have put my foot down and she will not move up to cubs (i want her brother to do something on his own). she does do a 6 week block of horse riding twice a year as well. (she has cp so lots of activities are great for her muscle tone).

we've never really been a play date sort of family since they all started school - they play out with their friends but we rarely do the 'come home for tea' thing. they have sleepovers and stuff which works out better for us. the only one that fusses over which activity to do is ds1 (because he gets a lot of hassle at school for doing dance) - the girls have a list of stuff they beg for periodically (currently ice skating). oh, i forgot, in the winter they all take ski lessons as well.

apparently, i am ninja mum.

ragged · 27/07/2011 18:05

I'm on the fence, it's only 5 activities right now; if she can sustain them already comfortably I don't see the problem with one more.

Allinabinbag · 27/07/2011 18:13

I would get her to drop one ballet session, unless the two come together (mine do two sessions before an exam), especially if she's not as into it. I think you have done the right thing, choices do have to be made, my dd1 agonises over stuff like this but eventually a decision will emerge. Tell her when you need to know by, let her know which options she could really drop and sit and wait.

MaureenMLove · 27/07/2011 18:17

Personally, I'd get her to ditch the cheerleading in favour of Brownies.

Skills learnt in Guiding, are far more use in later life, than being able to jump up and down with a pom pom. But then, I am incredibly passionate about Guiding/Scouting at the moment!

Dancergirl · 27/07/2011 18:18

I would also agree that Brownies is fantastic. My dd started as soon as she turned 7 and has just left (was 10 in May). She didn't want to leave! It's a really lovely activity, just fun no stress/exams and cheap (ours is £20/term).

If ballet's not really her thing can she not drop that and do brownies? That way she can still do her cheer/gym which she clearly loves.

alowVera · 27/07/2011 18:20

YANBU, 5 activities a week seems a bit much, but that said brownies is cheaper. Think you should speak again with dd and give her the drop another activity for it.

redexpat · 27/07/2011 18:25

Well what is best for DD? Does she need a quiet evening at home or is it you that needs one? Is she exhausted at weekends? TBH Brownies would be a great balance for all the other dancy-gymnastics based activities she has going on.

And here's what I've gained from 23 years in Girl Guiding which started with Brownies:
confidence
friends for life
a sense of pride
social conscience
travel opportunities
a great cv
learnt to budget and keep accounts
masses of leadership, teamwork and organisation experience
no fear of children's birthday parties
a wonderful husband (scout leader )
a way to integrate into wherever I live (and as an expat in a tin village, I can't tell you how important this has been)
been on soooo many courses
a song for every occassion

notlettingthefearshow · 27/07/2011 18:28

It was a mistake to put her name down, but now it's up to your daughter to make a choice of which activity to prioritise. It's great that she has so many interests, but equally, she shouldn't think the world revolves around her and her social life. With such a big family, one evening in would surely be fun - no need for any entertainment with that many kids!

madwomanintheattic · 27/07/2011 18:42

lol at a 'song for every occasion'. it's the first thing i tell 'em. i can do knots, but i don't sing. you need another leader for that.

vividgingerchilli · 27/07/2011 18:46

Can I just ask, if you didn't want to fill the last free night then why did you let her go on the waiting list for Brownies?
If you let her go on to the waiting list then presumably you were willing to let her do it and if you've now changed your mind, then sorry, but YABU.
If I don't want my DCs to do an activity (and the reason you give is a valid one) then I don't put them on the list.

cupofteaplease · 27/07/2011 18:54

She is one lucky girl. I can only afford for my dd1 to do swimming and Rainbows, dd2 only goes swimming. They would both love to go to gymnastics, dd2 would like to have dance lessons and I'd love for them both to learn to play the piano. Unfortunately I can't afford it.

I guess if you can afford it and you put her name down for it, then go for it. But I think she is already incredibly fortunate to do so many activities so it wouldn't hurt her to drop one in order to accomodate Brownies.

Punkatheart · 27/07/2011 18:58

Putting her on the list is fine....the next person fills the place anyway so no one suffers here. I can understand that optimism! Good luck with what she decides....

Original poster

GraduallyGoingInsane · 27/07/2011 19:46

MaureenMLove - please see my link on the other page. She really DOESN'T jump up and down and wave pom poms! Allstar cheerleading is a great sport - gymnastics, cardio, stunting, flexibility, teamwork...my DDs would be very upset to hear it described as 'pom poms!'

That aside...the ballet does come as a pair really - she auditioned for an associate programme and got in (the Sat morning class), and then has to take the class at her local school on the Tues. Same with the other DDs. The cheerleading also comes as a pair - two sessions per week for the competition squad. The gymnastics is separate, but is very useful for her cheerleading, plus she loves it.

I'm beginning to think I may say we will give Brownies a go until Christmas if she is REALLY keen to go...(soft touch!) If she struggles short term, the gymnastics can be sacrificed as we don't pay any extra for it and it's not compulsory (the girls get gymnastics free with their cheerleading fees). I'm feeling like the Brownies might be a good way of making her more well rounded.

Any Brownie leaders know how flexible Brownies is? If she's tired, will she be in trouble/let the others down if she misses a week? Her ballet and cheer are very strict, so I'm reluctant to get into another activity which has 'compulsory' attendance.

OP posts:

Hassled · 27/07/2011 19:49

Oh say no, FGS. That's an insane amount of extra-curricular stuff - when does she just get to just veg out and be a bit bored? She may not like it but unless she's prepared to quit something else then you're doing her a favour. And apart from her - you'll go nuts. I don't know how you're managing to sustain the current set up with 4 kids.

TeaOneSugar · 27/07/2011 20:03

Sounds like a nightmare to me, and it must cost a fortune.

I have three activity rule, and I find it's more than enough for both of us, dd (7) does, Brownies (1.5 hours), Swimming (0.5 hours) and Cheerleading/dance (1 hour)

Cheerleading/dance isn't competative just fun and good exercise.

If she wants to start a new activity she'll have to drop one, simple as.

Portofino · 27/07/2011 20:08

Why does she need to do so much? I would do Brownies over cheerleading (wtf is that anyway) anyday. My dd does Brownies one night, and a dance class at the weekend. I consider that plenty. She has homework, plays with the neighbourhood kids, tv, family stuff the rest of the time. Your schedule sounds mad tbh.

ZZZenAgain · 27/07/2011 20:21

it all works together quite well, I'd imagine cheerleading is the main thing, ballet and gymnastics work on skills she needs for cheerleading and are probably enjoyable in their own right.

If it is just down the road, try it, why not? Then say she might have to drop something else if she wants to keep it up. That way she has a means of comparing say ballet and brownies. At the moment, she doesn't rally know if she'll enjoyi it or get on with the people but she knows she likes her ballet, gym and cheerleading.

You are a ninja mum btw, you are already a ninja mum IMO, for what it is worth. That sounds like a lot to organise. Later, they will probably have to drop something anyway, it all starts to add up and take up so much extra time so you have to streamline things in time but if she can cope with school, let her do it, keeps her fit, is sociable. My dd couldn't pssibly do cheer leading, she'd sprain something every single time but I don't see why people are knocking it, I can imagine it is a lot of fun if you are a bendy, springy type girl

madwomanintheattic · 27/07/2011 20:29

brownies doesn't have 'compulsory' attendance, but you need to bear in mind that the leaders are unpaid volunteers who are taking their own time to prepare and run activities for a specific amount of girls - so if you have spent all afternoon making sure you have cut up the right number of bits of card for a specific activity then it's bit of a pill if half of the girls can't be bothered to turn up. illness or whatever is obviously fine, but imho if a girl wants to be a brownie, she wants to be a brownie, she commits to turning up to meetings, and she can't pick and choose which activities she wants to do. that's just good manners and common courtesy though, rather than a guiding rule.

most brownie leaders are flexible enough to deal with fluctuating numbers, but remember there is a waiting list, so if you feel dd is likely to feel a bit too tired or can't be bothered to go, there's likely to be a little girl at home who's still desperately waiting on the list and probably would turn up every week religiously... like i said, it's more common courtesy than any rule.

we did have one absolute nightmare brown owl though, who would lecture and grill girls that missed sessions or couldn't make the church services etc. they are few and reasonably far between though.

Butkin · 27/07/2011 20:43

I'd send her to Brownies and drop the Saturday ballet.

Our DD is same age and we'd also be worried about how much homework she is going to be doing etc in Yr 4. I know our school starts piling it on when they go up to Prep.

We're allowing DD to keep going with her after school activities (various sports) but are stopping swimming lessons on a Monday evening until we know how she is coping with new regime (they are at school for 40 mins longer as well next term).

fluffles · 27/07/2011 20:46

i would let her go to brownies but i would keep one evening in... so she'll HAVE to drop one of the ballet or gymnastics sessions (if cheerleading is her favourite of the three).

ballet, gymnastics and cheerleading all give similar experiences and skills whereas brownies is a very different set of experiences and skills.

ZZZenAgain · 27/07/2011 20:47

I don't think she can drop the Saturday ballet and just do tit on Tuesday .I thought was compulsory to do both Tuesday and Saturday, so if she dropped the Saturday one, she would be dropping ballet altogether I presume (at least at this particular place)

madwomanintheattic · 27/07/2011 20:49

no, she could just drop the associate programme and still attend the tues class with the kids who didn't get in. presumably freeing up an associate programme space for a child who was desperate to do more ballet and didnt want to do brownies...

fluffywhitekittens · 27/07/2011 21:56

I think you should do as you said and let her try it out until the new year.
When I was that age I was busy most nights with swimming training, brownies and music lessons. Although to be fair we didn't have so much homework from primary school in the "good old days" :)

Indaba · 28/07/2011 00:17

Blimey, I wouldn't let nor encourage mine to do such a timetable, but I just want to add my little girl is having a fab time at Brownies, she loves it and its taught her so much. Am a mad convert to it but only as part of a balanced week.

spiderpig8 · 29/07/2011 21:09

As she gets older the gymnastics and ballet will become incompatible anyway.ballet helps gym but not vice versa!

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