To consider complaining about this -Antenatal classes

[dannid]

I am 26 wks pregnant with my second child and have today been told by my midwife that I am not allowed to attend Nhs antenatal classes. My DS is going to be nearly 4 by the time this LO arrives so I feel like it's been a while and was really hoping to attend them. I also found the support from the other mums last time really valuable and am still in regular contact with most of them. I explained all this to my MW and her answer was that if I am that concerned then she'll let me attend the class on labour but to not let any of the other mums know that I already have a child!!! When I asked her why she said that they don't like mums who already have children to attend as they spoil the experience for the first time mums...to which I said that we scare them with our stories and she said YES!!! It's really annoyed me that I'm missing out on this ...I could understand if she said spaces were short!!! I'm considering contacting the PCT in charge of our area to put in a complaint..am I being unreasonable as it's my second child?!?

They do let you pay over a number of months IIRC.

That's the sort of thing that could ideally be run by the local Sure Start centre. Maybe you could approach them and ask if someone would be willing to run a short course for 2nd time mums?

If I were you and in an awkward mood, I'd make a point of going to your antenatal check-ups with a very long list of questions for the MW about labour etc.

You are being unreasonable in my opinion.

She has not said you can't go just asked you to keep schtum about the fact you have a child already.

I can't understand your issue with this? Or why you would complain?

Surely you are going to the classes to increase your knowledge not to tell the other mums about when your DC started crawling, walking etc?

I can understand her POV to be honest. Our ante natal classes WERE ruined by a second time mum - she was so condescending and patronising - smirked at any question that was asked, made loads of sarcastic comments, loads of eye rolling and had a general air of knowing it all. At about the 4th or 5th class, one of the other dads had enough and asked her exactly why she was there if she knew it all - she actually left there and then. Was horrible.
Not saying that's what you'd be like OP, but I can imagine she wasn't the only one to behave like this - hence the preference to keep them for first timers.

She HAS said that I cannot attend...she said that 'she will let me' attend the class on labour but there are four other classes that run which she has made clear I am not welcome at. I would have no intention of discussing details of DS and tbh the whole birth is a bit of a blur so can't remember much of it to tell anyone...one of my reasons for wanting to attend. What confused me more about it all was that I had been told by her colleague at a previous appt (cause she was off sick) that I was welcome to attend?!? Makes me wonder if it depends on which midwife you end up with..which doesn't seem very fair at all!!

Apologies, got the wrong end of the stick.

You shouldn't be given conflicting info IMO.

What is your concern with going to a class post labour? Better than nothing?

I will go to the labour class but feel uncomfortable about it all now. Not because I want to discuss my experience with DS but because I will be joining in on a class that have already me on several occasions and I will just be 'popping' in for this one class. We live in a small (ish) town so it is likely I will know several of the mums on the course anyway so they would b aware that I already have a child. All seems a bit silly to me if there is not actually a shortage of spaces in our area. Have calmed down a bit now as I can see how maybe some people may see it as an opportunity to discuss the ins and outs of their previous births...is just a shame that the midwife dealt with it in this way and that there is no Nhs provided 2nd time class in our area!!

Some areas of this country really do have crappy antenatal systems, and it's threads like this that make me realise how lucky I am that mine's generally quite good. My midwife had nothing to do with the decision whether or not I should be given a place on an antenatal course - she just handed me a form with the other three tonnes of paperwork, and said it was up to me whether I applied or not. I had to send the form elsewhere in the country, which is why I presumed it was a centralised system, and a couple of weeks later received a letter with details of my allocated place.

I didn't go to any ante natal classes with either of mine.

Not sure what the big deal is.

What are they for?