To Snitch On My Boss?!?!

[NearlySpring]

Briefly. I worked in a different department today. Got chatting to a manager, he seemed friendly, talked about his new house and kids (we have kids the same age).

Then I happened to mentioned a good friend and colleague of mine's name and manager said "he's a right odd one" I said that we were very good friends and he want on to say he thought he had a screw loose and that he had been reported for sexual harrasment previously.

I walked off and thought about what he had said. I was angry about the way he was gossiping and saying insulting things about my friend. So I asked him to talk in private. I told him what he said hadn't gone down well with me and I was concerned he was spreading gossip and divulging confidential information. He said he only told me as he thought I seemed like a nice girl and was concerned for me. He said this guy can be unpredictable when angered and feels I should be careful to watch out for myself and not give him too much personal information.

So, my dilemma. Manager seems nice and genuinely concerned for me. However, I'm worried he is so quick to pass about personal and confidential information. He is abusing his managerial position. I realise that if I tell my friend he probably will (quite rightly) make a formal complaint. This could have serious repercuss
consequences for this manager.

Plus I feel sad for my friend. If it were me that he were gossiping about I would want to know, I feel I have a duty to him to tell him.

AIBU to tell him and snitch on the manager? Or should I just pretend it never happened and not say anything?

Whether your friend is guilty of the rumoured offence or not, is irrelevant.

I don't think you should be telling your friend directly, because that is in itself gossiping about the manager.

You should go to HR, and express your concern about the manager's conduct and disregard for confidentiality. This issue isn't actually about your friend at all, it's about how this manager views confidential happenings within the business.

If, as a result of that, your friend finds out, fair enough.

I see office gossip as just part of life, where I work, for better or worse, people constantly talk about things that have gone on in the past, such as if people were on a warning or went to concilliation, or even who they had affairs with. I just don't see this stuff as something 'to report' and if your friend indeed was harassing someone, people will talk about it. You are all in the same company, someone said something not nice about someone you like (which happens to me a lot, I'd be in that HR office permanently) and you are upset. Now, if he'd passed on his HIV status, that would have been completely different. However, he passed on that he doesn't like someone and they were once warned/pulled up for harassment (and this is true), then really do you need to take it further? I would have disagreed with this at the time, saying 'I find him to be completely different, I've always found him to be very pleasant' (which I have done several times). Better that than telling on a boss IMO.

Hmm ok. In his defence I know he is not a predatory sexual harasser. He had a bit of a crush on a young girl and and went ott trying to get her attention, bought her flowers. Moved seats next to her, sent her s couple of poem style emails etc. She got fed up as the feelings were less than mutual and reported him. Nothing vile no sexual comments etc. He knows he was over the top and he feels very bad about it now.

Anyway- Im used to normal office banter and rumours and gossip, however this was a manager and I think that position means he shouldn't be participating in idle gossip especially as it is only due to his managerial status that he knew this information. Nobody else knows, well. It's never been mentioned and Ive not heard any gossip.

Thansk for all your opinions, was really helpful.