exasperated with DH's mum....!

[acatcalledfelix]

regular who's mysteriously namechanged..........!

I'm trying to sort out a surprise bday party for DH for the beginning of September. It's a big birthday, and I want it to be as good as it can possibly be, so I'm hiring a venue and a band rather than having it at home. He deserves it, he's been a saint recently. His brother is getting married in two weeks, and we;re all going of course.

I emailed his mum with a party invite message and asked her if she could send it on to the rest of the family (I sent it to all the people who's email addresses I had) on Friday night. They're a big family, and I don;t expect everyone to come but I want everyone to have the opportunity and make a choice.

I'd heard nothing, so I sent her another message tonight checking she had done it. She replied, firstly quibbling who I expected her to send it to (everyone, whyever not? DH loves his whole family). She then said that she thought that the timing was wrong, that I shouldn't plan it till after the wedding as it's BIL and SIL's special time and everyone should be focussed on that.

If I wait, it leaves me three weeks (in central London). So I've said no, I can't, and that if she gives me the addresses I can contact people so she doesn't need to worry about people getting annoyed with her (put very nicely and sweetly of course)

But, I don;t understand how people wouldn't be able to deal with getting a party invite two weeks before they go to a wedding, for a party just over a month away?

I'm feeling annoyed and guilty in equal measure! My SIL was the first to reply to the invite, offering help too. If the bride can deal with it, then what's the problem???

So, AIBU here to push ahead? Or being horrible and selfish so should wait and risk the party not happening?????

Oh and this is just a message to get an early idea of numbers so I can work out the suitable room for the do. I can send proper invites out later.

YANBU! Your MIL is being mental!

She's probably stressed and frazzled and at the age where you can only really deal with one thing at a time. She's probably at the stage where having to think about another big do will tip her over the edge. Don't read too much into her reaction.

But yes, you need to press on and if the MIL can't deal with it then find some other way of getting addresses/contact details for the family. A cousin/aunt/other sibling?

Is your MIL involved in the wedding planning, and does she have a tendency to get slightly flustered about things? I suspect she's feeling a bit overwhelmed by the preparations (even if she doesn't have any responsibility) and feels that she can't look beyond the wedding herself, and so thinks that nobody else will be able to either. So yes, she's being silly, but try not to get annoyed with her about it.

Maybe since your SIL has been kind enough to offer to help, you could ask her for the email addresses? She probably has them all to hand for wedding purposes.

Does the party involve all the rigmarole that a wedding does eg,travel,on stays,childcare,expensive gifts or is it a realtively non costly affair?
I agree that if the bride isnt bothered that mil shouldnt be.

I think she's being a bit silly, of course people can be due to go to a wedding and think about whether they want to go to a party weeks later!

But maybe she is full-on in the wedding planning zone and she can't think about anything else. Regardless, I would try to get the addresses and deal with it yourself if she won't get involved. Can you get them from other family members, the sister even?

YANBU!

Push ahead girl!! If the bride can reply and offer to help there's obviously no problem. Like you said, invite everyone then they have a choice. Plus.... September, schools going back, people need notice esp if there is travel ect.
Have a great party!!! :)

I'm now regretting getting her involved as no, she can;t see past the wedding so I course noone else should either! I'm annoyed as she's managed to upset me as she's implied that I'm being selfish which is just ridiculous, isn;t it?! I think I can get the message to enough family though Facebook. I'm just curious as to what her response to my message will be where I basically said "no, I'm going ahead, stuff you!"

You're certainly not being selfish, you're arranging a nice do for her son - which is more than she's doing!