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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much do I owe??

63 replies

TelephoneTree · 26/07/2011 21:09

My 4 year old DS is going to be looked after by another family's nanny for 3 days over the holidays, while she's looking after the other family's children (they're all friends, play really well together and the other family are happy for this to happen).

Now I asked her how much she charges and she said that she charges £9 per hour but is happy to take less as she's looking after the others anyway. I asked if she charges £9 per child and she said 'per family'.

What is usual in this situation?? I have no experience at all.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 27/07/2011 11:26

The arrangement is only for 3 days. One off.

The nanny gets £9ph , not £4.50 per child.

lesley33 · 27/07/2011 11:28

Oh sorry, only 3 days. Then I would say £6 per hour.

larrygrylls · 27/07/2011 11:35

Telephone,

I would suggest zero is what you have to pay. Her charges are having a friend around. Looking after friends is a part of the nanny's duties. And, really, if she is a guest of the other family, then it is up to the other family to deal with any extra nanny expenses. After all, if she were spending a few days with a friend's parents, you would hardly offer to pay.

As the time is long and she will have to work harder, maybe a nice gift would be in order?

Mumwithadragontattoo · 27/07/2011 11:37

Is it 3 days or 3 days per week during the hols?

I agree with those who suggest giving her baby sitting rate of £6 per hour.

valiumredhead · 27/07/2011 11:37

OP you asked what she charges and she said £9 per hour. Pay her £9 per hour. If she really wanted less she would've told you a figure imo and ime. This will keep the Nanny AND the employers happy.

lesley33 · 27/07/2011 11:39

£6 would be the going rate based on what the other family are paying.

Ignore the poster who says you should pay nothing. Even if the nanny agreed to this, its really not fair to do this.

larrygrylls · 27/07/2011 11:45

Lesley,

Why should a nanny get more money for no more work. She is just spreading herself more thinly. In addition, if I were employing a nanny, I would make sure she was OK with the arrangement and negotiate any extra compensation (from me) if any were required.

If I am understanding the situation correctly, the OP's daughter is spending some time with another family over the hols as a guest (rather than the OP requesting childcare). If there were no nanny, would it be appropriate for money to change hands in this situation? So, why should that change just because the family employs a nanny? The compensation of the nanny (other than a gift to show appreciation) should be entirely between the nanny and her employers.

valiumredhead · 27/07/2011 11:46

Because you don't normally have kids over to play from 8 - 6 larry

BluddyMoFo · 27/07/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sewmuchtodo · 27/07/2011 11:48

Larry, you appear to be reading the OP's post differently from everyone else.

lesley33 · 27/07/2011 11:51

Because it will be more work. Although she is not working more hours, she will have 3 children to look after instead of 2.

The OP's child is not being looked after by the family though, so it is different. It would be like you hiring someone for an hour to do your ironing and me sending some of my ironing over because you sometimes do my ironing for me for free. Person may be working for the same amount of time, but they will probably be working harder to get all the ironing done.

lesley33 · 27/07/2011 11:53

Bluddy - Good experienced nannies are not cheap. If a certain job has a going rate for work and as an employer you want to attract good people, you usually have to pay at least the going rate.

Original poster
TelephoneTree · 27/07/2011 11:55

I do need childcare for those days and asked the nanny if she could take Ds not remembering she was working those days already. the other family said they were happy for the kids to all be looked after together so i do need to pay something.

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 27/07/2011 11:57

Lesley,

So what you are saying is the Nanny is not currently going flat out but the third child will suddenly increase her work rate. Most of the better nannies I know work bloody hard whether it is 1, 2 or 3 children and will just adjust what they do according to the numbers.

It does depend over whether this is a temporary nanny share or whether the OP's daughter is going over as a friend. I am assuming the latter but, if it is the former, it clearly changes things.

valiumredhead · 27/07/2011 12:00

Actually you couldn't pay me enough to look after 3 kids these days......

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 12:00

Tonight, I'll ask our nanny what she would think, and let you know what she says!

MoreBeta · 27/07/2011 12:01

You should be paying the other family. Several families I know do a nanny share. They split the bill. She should not be getting paid by you. Do the other family actually know that you are also going to be paying her?

larrygrylls · 27/07/2011 12:02

Telephone,

OK, sorry, misunderstood the situation.

What do the other family say or are they just happy for you to make your own arrangement? Are there any additional requirements or will she just be doing her normal thing, just with your daughter in addition? If so, why not offer an additional £5/hour and see what she says. If she has any sense, she will bite your hand off.

valiumredhead · 27/07/2011 12:03

Why should the OP pay the other family? The Nanny would be doing more work for nothing, that's not fair.

valiumredhead · 27/07/2011 12:04

And if you live in London and offer her £5 be prepared for her to be offended!

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 12:06

If you were my friend, so your DS was coming to my house to be looked after by our nanny, I wouldn't expect you to pay me anything. I also wouldn't begrudge your DS having the same treats as mine, it's all part and parcel of friendship and small beer compared to the cost of employing a nanny.

I would expect you to pay our nanny for the additional work involved with three rather than two kids, but wouldn't interfere with whatever you and she worked out between you.

Laquitar · 27/07/2011 12:28

Some bizzare posts here.

I have done this for 20 years and i knew 100s nannies and families doing it.

If it is permanent nannyshare you sort it with the other family and then you find the nanny or you find the nanny and then you sort it all together (the 3 parts)

If it is casual and very short (like in OP's case) you arrange it with the nanny BUT after you and her have consulted the main employers (many families have it in the contract that the nanny will not take other children unless they permit it).
In op's case the other family knows op and is happy with this. It is a good will. If you are very happy with your nanny you cant afford to give her £200 cash present but you can allow her to earn an extra £200. You also help the other family in emergency. So everybody is happy.

You dont arrange it with the other family or pay them because this will look like the Victorians saying 'can i borrow your maid tomorrow?'.
(But you dont arrange it without confirming with the other family either).

lesley33 · 27/07/2011 12:33

Larry - The nanny, if a good one, will be working very hard. But caring for 3 children requires more vigilance and hard work than caring for 2. I have 4 children and I can assure you the work involved does go up with each child.

Laquitar · 27/07/2011 12:38

Larry obviousely doesn't have a nanny or a clue about how it works.

lesley33 · 27/07/2011 13:23

Having 3 children to look after is harder work than 2. But in some ways that doesn't matter. A nanny doing a nanny share like this normally gets paid more than if 1 family employed them alone. So of course any decent nanny will want to be paid the going rate.