AIBU to expect people NOT to compare my twins!!

[CoffeeDog]

I have twin boys 2 1/2

Both are fantastic little chaps!! one is 'ahead' of his brother in pretty much everything including speach potty training etc..

The other is still 'ahead' of his peers but dosn't seem to get the recognision of his own achievments (excepct from me!) as his brother has already 'done it'.

I am a twin and the constant comparing my parents did really upset us both.

AIBU to stand up for my littlest chap?

I'm a twin, although being male/female twins I'm sure I've had different experiences than identical, or even same-sex frateral twins.
I would say do encourage people, esp. family and nanny to treat them as individuals and not as one person "the twins". See if you can find an opportunity to talk to them about the comparisons - they may be unaware what they're doing, or have not thought what message it's giving.
Most importantly show everyone by your example. Both your boys need to know that whatever others say and do, you're there for them. You can't prevent the comparisons so don't bother going on a crusade about it. You can ensure that the boys know it makes no difference to you, which will count for a lot.

My mum is a twin.

When people find out, they ask if her and her twin are alike.

She always replies 'no, my brother is bald'

treat comparisions with the fliancy they deserve

greencolorpack sorry, there was a lot more to it than I put in my post! The upshot, though, was that the older sister felt that the younger sister had more encouragement than she did, as if the parents had practised on her then got it right for little sister

I didn't mean to imply other parents were like that, it is quite an extreme example

DeathOrCake I get worse - the amazing frequency that people say "are you identical" when told I have a twin brother. Errr... sorry?

Agree with Scurryfunge. You're also comparing your kids with other kids so what is the difference?

Not quite the same but when mine were babies I was amazed at the number of people who used to peer into the pram/shopping trolley at them and go "are they twins"? It's meant kindly I know but sometimes it did make me wonder!

People compare - sometimes in nastier ways than others. The biggest one I had was a pair of brothers with 1 school year between them... mum had sat one night and cross-referenced the reading diaries from the same point in the previous school year with the present year and complained that younger son was "behind" older son's level at the same point in the academic year.

Took a while to politely point out to her that while older son was very confident, outgoing and up for a challenge, younger son was incredibly sensitive, had zero confidence in himself and just getting him to read out audibly to you was a massive victory in itself - and that he was just starting to take off with his reading but I was very concious that I didn't want to suddenly ramp the difficulty up and scare him off at all... by the end of the year he'd caught up and she believed me but the comparisons were probably one reason why the younger lad (who was a gorgeous gorgeous little boy) WAS so highly strung!

I was glad to be able to compare my twins. My dd was perfectly average in her milestones and her brother was very far behind. It helped me to realise there was a problem early on whereas, had he been my first and only child, I might have thought there was one.

I did used to laugh when people asked if my boy/girl twins were identical. Fgs one has a penis!

*not