Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to not watch sleeping baby?

49 replies

jellihejj · 26/07/2011 12:07

My partner seems to think so. According to him once our 4 month old has fallen asleep we must sit and watch him 'in case something happens'. I figure while he is sleeping it would be a good idea to get some chores done, but my partner says I can't because I'm supposed to be sat with the baby. So when do I do chores? He complains that nothing gets done either. I feel like I can't win!

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/07/2011 12:53

He's absolutely right. You must sit over your baby gazing at him lovingly while he sleeps. The downside of this is that your DH has to do absolutely all the chores at all times.

NB: You are allowed to sleep, read or MN while watching over the baby!

SinisterBuggyMonth · 26/07/2011 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglesrock · 26/07/2011 13:29

YANBU - I have a shower when mine sleeps (she's 5 months).

Tee2072 · 26/07/2011 13:42

If he's home, he can do the chores while you sit and watch the baby sleep.

Oh and next time he rolls over? Kick him. Even if you are EBF, he can at least get you a drink, change a nappy, etc.

drivemecrazy63 · 26/07/2011 13:42

i wonder if its SIDS hes worried about? 4 months is past the time that the likelyhood decreases , perhaps he has this in the family in past or hes a numpty ad your being silly as hes not even taking his turns at night id get a monitor as stick it next to him in bed and one downstairs and tell him to run up and down if HES worried .

drivemecrazy63 · 26/07/2011 13:48

oh and if you watch eastenders maybe thats not helped because of the storyline lately?....

Ormirian · 26/07/2011 13:50

In case what happens?

Is he likely to do something interesting? Is he a sleep-juggler ?

Woodlands · 26/07/2011 16:03

We got a hotel babysitter for an evening fairly recently and she told us she would check on DS (then 10.5 months) every 20 minutes. We thought it seemed like overkill! But now he has started at nursery I am told they have to check on babies every 10 minutes - even more overkill. WHat on earth do they think is going to happen?

OP, YANBU.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2011 16:05

If DP is between jobs, he can babywatch and do all the chores. Enjoy the time off

Georgimama · 26/07/2011 16:06

DS used to wake up if stared at whilst asleep. I'm sure he could feel/see us looking at him.

TandB · 26/07/2011 16:20

Put the baby down for a nap, wait for a reasonable period of time then run into DH in a panic and tell him the baby just shrank to 2 inches high and escaped down the plughole.

happy2bhomely · 26/07/2011 16:33

I watched all 4 of mine sleep for the first few weeks/months. I would not put them down to sleep and co slept so I could feel them breathing. I carried them in a sling for months because they cried when I put them down. I took them in the bathroom with me when I showered or used the toilet. I barely slept and kept thinking if I left them alone they might stop breathing and they would die alone.

I used to dream that I got locked out with the baby left inside. I used to have nightmares that I left the baby at the post office and they wouldn't give him back to me. I had vivid dreams that I came back to find a sleeping baby with blood running out of it ears and nose. It was awful.

I was not well. I didn't realise that I was suffering with anxiety and it was exhausting. I never received any help and it's only now that my youngest is 17m that I realise I needed it. I thought I was being perfectly reasonable and it caused awful arguments with DH.

happy2bhomely · 26/07/2011 16:37

Well, I've never told anyone that-even DH. I used to just tell him that he obviously didn't love them like I did!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/07/2011 17:17

happy2b have a hug () that must have been so hard for you.

jelli as far as I am concern the whole point of daytime naps is that its the only time you get to sit down and eat toast do chores.

LineRunner · 26/07/2011 17:22

It's your partner who should be wearing the sling, not you.

Clueless79 · 26/07/2011 17:37

ok so I think I must be loopy - I appear to be the only one thinking op's partner is not really being that unreasonable! Admittedly I don't exactly watch every single breath my 3month old ds takes but I do stay very nearby and check more often than 5 mins. I also feel a little anxious about going off to sleep at night. The advice given re SIDS is for babies to sleep in the same room as you for all sleeps up to 6 months so there must be good reason for that and if that's the concern then a bog standard monitor isn't really going to be much help. Am I being that OTT? And the only one bothered by what 'the advice' is telling us? Probably being a bit PFB about it but it's very stressful you know?!

MrsBonkers · 26/07/2011 17:49

My DH wouldn't let me put our PFB DD upstairs to sleep on her own until she was 6 months. She used to sit with us downstairs, or sleep in her moses basket on the sofa.
She's now a year old and he moans that she doesn't sleep through on her own....

Go with your instincts OP. Wish I had. I'll be back at work soon and I'm still trying to get her into good sleep habits :(

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/07/2011 17:56

@Clueless79. If your experience is very 'stressful' and you feel nervous to go to sleep, then the chances are you are being over-anxious. The advice for them to sleep in the same room at night does not apply to daytime naps the same way. Parents have to be free to move about... not hunched over a pram all the time. Talk to your HV for reassurance, perhaps.

Clueless79 · 26/07/2011 17:56

yeah our ds is down with us and then I go up to bed when I take him up to his cot...it'll be likely happening till he's 6 months...

Clueless79 · 26/07/2011 17:59

and advice I've read - on fsid website and others says to apply same rules to day and night time sleeps - why would they be different? It does make some times like early evening more difficult but if I didn't follow guidance and something were to happen...

JamieAgain · 26/07/2011 18:02

Obviously he's being completely unreasonable. But why is he so anxious? I it just ignorance or something else? I he normally anxious? I being out of work affecting him badly?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/07/2011 18:04

SIDs happens to very, very small numbers of babies. Most of the babies affected are the ones born with some underlying condition. The next biggest category are the ones born into homes where there are smokers. The rest... a small sub-group... they have no idea what the cause is, so other advice like sleeping in the same room is no better than an educated guess.

drivemecrazy63 · 26/07/2011 18:54

thats why i was wondering if he had not told jellihejj but maybe that was whats on his mind scaring him or he may have had a relative/friend that it had happened to in which case naybe its understandable and he needs to speak to someone to lower his anxiety.

skybluepearl · 26/07/2011 18:58

if he is so worried then he should buy you a baby breathing monitor so you can get on with your jobs.

Flip

1 2