Have I made the biggest mistake ever?

[knittynoodle]

Ok Ive just let my DP take my son to my MIL's because Im unwell and I feel like crying. Hes just sent me a picture of my baby (7mo and small for his age) in a forward facing car seat. Hes not big enough for it yet and Im so worried something could happen. Before he left I said take his own, but they said no, my DS's cousins seat is in the car.

I have sickness & diarrhea but should I go and deliver his own car seat?

(I know this sounds overly panicky but theyve done some really stupid stuff in the past. Letting him get bitten on his fontenelle by his cousin, poked in the eye by him, they've tried to feed him stock cube noodle soup, chicken legs and highly salted cheese, and they let him fall out of his bouncer because he wasnt strapped in, among other things)

Do I drop off the seat?

By the way - did they go anywhere in the seat or was he just playing in it ? I know mine loved playing in seats from about that age on.

Buy immodium and anti-sickness tablets (available at any chemist). Take with watered down coke. Lie down for an hour, taking little sips of liquid. Send a text saying you shouldn't have gone so ballistic but you're feeling awful and you need to be able to rely on him to look after your DS. He has the right seat now. Sleep.

Take more tablets as soon as leaflet says you can. Sip more fluid to rehydrate. Sleep.

I think YANBU to make them use a proper car seat, and to tell them why that seat is unsafe, but your reaction to the whole situation is way over the top and unnecessary. I just read my husband what you texted about your partner's sister and he said he might actually leave me if I talked about his sister like that. I know you're ill but I think you will need to apologise a lot to your partner for that unnecessary text.

Also, like someone else said, do you know for sure that they weren't just taking a 'cute' picture of the baby in the seat, and weren't actually going to use it properly? My sister in law put a photo of her 4 month old baby 'eating a bar of chocolate' on Facebook, but in actual fact she just gave him the empty wrapper for a second just so she could take the picture.

Im not apologising. No way. Ive told him to watch her behaviour closely before as her son has eaten washing powder more than 3 times, eaten from the bin, put a laptop cable which was plugged in into his mouth, loads of stuff. It was her fault my DS fell out of the bouncer.

DP doesnt like her either, he wont leave me. Thats why I dont understand why he took her word for it that the car seat already in her car would be ok. My anger is at both of them. And yes of course I know for sure he was driven in it.

DD2 lasted until 7 months before needing a forward facing seat >9kgs and long legs. DD1 until 8 months. But you should keep them in the rear facing seat as long as they still fit in it.

Sorry you are feeling ill - hope you get better soon.

Have you seen this site re rear-facing car-seats? www.rearfacing.co.uk/ - suggest you get your OH to look into it properly, and hopefully pass on the information to his sister too.

Oh and we have plenty of those 'cute' pictures of DN on facebook too. DN with a giant chilli, DN with a can of Stella, how very cute and lovely.

From the site I linked to above:
"Government advice to turn your child forward facing at 9 months is putting their life at risk. In other European countries, children stay rear facing until they are 4 years old, and the new US recommendation is 2 years old.

British child seat manufacturers are refusing to sell their safest products in the UK because they've decided that British parents don't want them. They export the seats to Scandinavia but will not make them available here.

Rear facing group 1 seats are 5 times safer in a frontal collision. They protect the neck and head by distributing the force along the back of the seat and are much more effective at protecting internal organs."

Well then don't apologise, but do tell him that you need him to look after his daughter when she's there, as he knows his sister is unreliable, and it's not what you need when you're so ill. I'd apologise for the amount of swearing because I don't do that by text. Only in person . If you get the tablets so you stop spurting at both ends and start rehydrating yourself you will start to feel better.

BTW that amount of fury and swearing is very out of character for me. I can only assume the virus I have is Lindablair-itis.

May I recommend the vanish carpet stuff for the green vomit.

Yabu for potentially spreading a contagious illness round another household. If I were your mil I wouldn't welcome your dp and baby into my home at this time. They are probably brewing the illness too. Why could your dp not just take baby out for a walk or something?

Why are you more angry with sil than your dp? He is the one ultimately in charge of your baby's safety.

SIL and MIL called us up to request we bring over the baby. We said that very thing to them yesterday and again today, but they wanted to see DS and DP and were happy to have them over. They even called us on the house phone specifically to say this (which is for emergencies only)

And actually I was told FIL was picking them up. I didnt know it was SIL driving until I got the picture text. Im angry at them both equally.

But you don´t have to do what MIL & SIL say!

Im not argueing this point. The fact of whether I am contagious or whether I do or dont choose to send my DS to see his Nan are totally irrelevant to whether DP and SIL are BU to put my son into a seat too big and too unsafe for him.

(Ive been told my illness is IBS related and therefore not contagious anyway)

Sorry but that list of crimes that your sil has let your dn do sounds like pretty normal crawling baby discovering things stuff to me. I've just had to stop ds3 from fishing stuff out of the bin...

They arent normal, I cant even go into most of them. Her son crawled into a swimming pool on holiday because he was left unguarded pool side and had to be rescued by another holiday maker. The whole family acknowledge she has to be watched. And my stupid DP listened to her. Im so angry at him!

Dont worry Knitty, it can be infuriating having in laws that dont behave in the same way that you do. My in laws are very lax with safety as well and I have to constantly be on my guard. Your son has the seat now. Just relax

I agree, whether your DP decided to take his son to see his Grandma, or just for a walk is irrelevant to the car seat issue. If she has her own son of a young age, this information should be fresh in her mind.

it really does sound there have been a long list of unsafe incidents. I'd not surprised you are really cross now. Lots of people are lax with car seat saftey when it can really be a life or death matter.