to play cricket all wknd??

[stansmomma]

we have a 13 month old, and my OH plays cricket every sat from 10am untill 8-30pm! he works monday-friday but has wknds off, AIBU to think that it is unfair to both me and the baby that every sat he takes off to do his own thing leaving me alone with the baby, which by the way i do everyday. he also goes cricket training every thurs from 6pm till 8pm and goes on a tues nite to pick the team for the following sat? some wknds its sat and sun, and its also on all the bankhols, we've recently fallen out big time because i can never arrange anything on a sat with my own friends until he's back and i'm absolutely sick of being nothing more than a mother-cook-cleaner-babysitter! and before you say didn't i know this before we had a child...NO! we split when i was 10wk pregnant (my choice) we'd only just met and although i wanted my baby, i wasn't sure about OH! anyway, got back together when DS was 6 months old and the cricket season only started in april. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? he's takin the p**s right?

poncey; they are worse than rugby players!

Yanbu, your partner is being totally selfish. It means that the only real opportunity for you to spend time together as a family (sunday) is also your only opportunity to do anything for you, and if you do the latter you may as well be separated as you say!

"You tend to find that 80% of cricketers have lived this way since they were young lads and it is like asking them to stop breathing. I have witnessed many relationships fail due to the cricketer's partner stopping participation."

much as I hate it - I think that pretty much sums it up! In sickness and in health, and all that......

[tip: it is perfectly reasonable for your DH to be expected to entertain your DS while watching cricket on TV. Think Sky Sport, and taped coverage of southern hemisphere cricket in the winter months...)

God, this used to drive me crazy!!

I've been a cricket widow for 15 years and I didn't realise how much it took over before we moved in together and had a little one.

You will never really see a summer - at least I didn't. OH and DS used to visit Grandma on a Sunday so that was that day buggered up too.

We talked many, many times about taking a Saturday off (so we could go to the seaside or something) but that's all it amounted to. Funny how other blokes could not be available to play though - it was always my OH who 'just had to, as there was no-one else'.

Now he's over 40 and I keep asking when he's going to retire as he's on the elderly side now - I really can't wait to get my life back. Really, when your OH has got it that bad, there's no use fighting it (you could try asking for one Saturday a month when he doesn't play, there really is no reason why this can't happen), or you could just join in.

Me? I became their secretary and run their website. I gave up moaning about it, realising he'd never change, and DS got to play for the juniors eventually

But to answer your question, no, YANBU, but don't things to change

YANBU. It is a problem for me too. I look after my 3 DC's while DH plays every Sat, often he plays midweek too. He goes at about 11.30am, and often doesn't get back until 9.30 in the eve, so I eat alone or with the kids. DH comes in, eats dinner then falls asleep on the sofa, not the best company. On Sun, he is knackered from Sat, and usually complaining about backache/shoulder ache/bumps and bruises acquired during cricket.
We often get invited to BBQ's by friends on Sat evenings, but I feel a bit of a lemon as I have to go without him. He turns up so late, everyone has eaten already and they are very polite to save him food, but I feel a bit embarrassed by that.
I have spent birthdays and wedding anniversaries alone with the kids, as DH feels it is unfair to let the team down, and so has chosen them over me.
If I took off on Sun to try and match him, we would never have any family time, so that isn't practical.
His cricket club doesn't have any members with children the same age as our DC's. Most of the guys are a lot older, and quite grumpy when I have taken the kids, if they make any noise, or move around, as they are distracting the players. They have to sit quietly. There is no park or shops within walking distance, it is in quite a remote area. Not all cricket clubs have a great family atmosphere.
I've stopped taking the kids as they really didnt want to go anymore. They now associate cricket with being really boring, so taking them down to watch has backfired somewhat.
The kids get fed up, as they hardly see their dad all week, then he disappears Saturday, and is resting Sun.
Friends of mine complain about their DH's playing golf. I am looking forward to the day when my DH decides to quit cricket for golf, but somehow I don't think it will be for a while.
It really pisses me off, tbh, and we argue every year about it. I wish there was an answer.

I feel better for getting it off my chest though!

[wonders if she should register www.cricketwidows.co.uk and set up a support group]

I too am a cricket widow and now have ds1 playing as well so plenty of time spent down the cricket field

I did used to be hard sometimes when dc were little and dh worked 3 out of 4 saturday mornings before cricket matches, so there were times when we didn't see him until late evening, but I would never have asked him not to play at to be honest, and as selfish as it sounds he wouldn't have not played without it causing friction between us. He has played since early teens and as he doesn't have any other hobbies I have just had to learn to get used to it.

My sis in law stopped her husband playing cricket for a year each time she had their children for similar reasons as you but that just wasn't for me.

Our club is sociable and many of the players will chat to you and like someone else said, when the dads are waiting to bat, will often entertain their kids.

Now mine are older and can entertain themselves I often take a book and read which I don't seem to have much time to do at home because there are always things to do, so I get relaxing time too :)

Dh played both sat and sun this weekend, but won't be doing that again as he ached liked mad told him he was getting to old for it haha.

I agree with MrsTerryPratchett. It really irritates me that men get to keep their hobbies and interests when women expect (and are expected) to have their lives completely changed by a new baby. What irks me is the lack of any compromise. What if she had been shopping with her friends ever Saturday since she was 15 years old and then went to a wine bar in the evening. What if she put her foot down and insisted that she carry on this tradition even though she had a child. I don't think so many people would be coming on here saying: 'well she's been doing it for so long it's like a part of her'. It would be more like: 'well you've had a baby. You knew your life would have to change, so get used to it.'

I don't feel any different about it because it's a man - and I say this as a cricket orphan who didn't have a relationship with my Dad until I was about 18 because he worked long hours and played cricket all weekend. It was so selfish and I always felt it as a rejection that he would rather play cricket than spend time with us.

but on the other hand lifeissweet my 16 year old made a comment the other week that he has a much closer relationship with his Dad than any of his friends from school due to the amount of time they spend together at cricket (playing, practising, arguing!)

Another thread discusses "child men", think it's an apt term here.

Ridiculous.

Totally agree, lifeissweet.

Would only have sympathy for the men in these cases if they were professional cricketers!