I know AIBU, I just feel disappointed, come tell me to get a grip.

[timeforgoodbye]

We are having a joint birthday party this year for our DS' as they will be one and three and their birthday's are 2 weeks apart. We haven't lived in our house long so it's also a house warming thing and the idea was for it to carry on once the DC are in bed and have a bit of an adult party too.

In future years we know the DS' will be having separate parties which family probably won't be coming to as they will be at school/pre school age and be doing their own thing.

Anyway, neither of our families live locally but both often visit. DH's parents are about 100 miles away. It was really tricky finding a date that suited everyone and meant people could come. We picked one and then PIL said they couldn't make it fter all as had booked to go to theatre that day, so we moved it to the only other date that both sets of parents could make which meant that a number of good friends couldn't make it.

Anyway, I have been asking DH to check for ages about where PIL are staying the night of the party and he forgot and then they've been on holiday and he's finally spoken to them and they've basically said that they are going to leave at 6PM. So basically, the minute the children get packed off to do bedtime they are going to leave. There aren't going to be many peolple left now in the evening (because we changed the date to suit PIL).

I know AIBU because they are making the effort to come and be there for the afternoon. But I'm just a bit gutted that the evening do we planned it's going to be a no go now

Ok fuck it, while I'm pissed off I may as well mention that they have now decided that they want to visit on DS1s birthday, as week later and spend the whole day here, which was supposed to be our family day celebrating together. Why can't they celebrate at the birthday party like every other person!!!

Well....you did tell us to tell you to get a grip....it doesn't sound like a major trauma, to be honest! Or even a minor one.

I bet a few will stay on.

You'll have a lovely day whatever.

I think YANBU. It's stressful enough worrying about who will turn up at parties. And if you've sacrificed half of your guestlist for PIL sake and they're going to bugger off halfway through then that's a bit rubbish.

Get a grip. It's a first/third birthday party fgs.

And if you don't want them to visit the following weekend, just tell them you have other plans.

My mum and dad didn't even come to ds's party because the trains can be bad on a Sunday apparently (I think there has been a replacement bus once or twice in nearly 10 years - I live a very short journey away on a local train or a short bus ride).
I can understand you being a bit peed off that you've changed the date to suit your pil and they're heading off early though.
I would tell them you have made plans for ds1s bday and won't be available.

Did I misread the OP? I thought it was a housewarming too? If it's not too late I would probably revert back to the original date and tell PIL that as they couldn't make the whole thing you've gone back to a date that suits more people.

Sorry, just checked OP "We haven't lived in our house long so it's also a house warming thing and the idea was for it to carry on once the DC are in bed and have a bit of an adult party too."

Your PIL clearly don't fancy the PARTY party bit.

if its not too late i would go back to original date then

Change the date back, your boys are young and won't mind who's there, but it sounds like you'd really enjoy a housewarming with all your friends. And pil will be there for the actual birthdays, so they won't mind. Done!

Maybe your PIL think the later bit will be a party where everyone will be your age rather than their age? And so prefer to head off thinking it won't be their thing?

THank you everyone, you're right, I'm just disappointed but it's not the end of the world. It'[s less than a week away so too late to change the date I think.

I think I'm just annoyed because last year for DS1s birthday we didn't do much as DS2 had just been born so we went to the zoo - us, my parents and PIL.

Afterwards my Mum phoned me to say how upset she was that basically PIL just monopolised DS1 for the entire day. Basically took him by the hand and wouldn't let anyone else get a look in with him (which is true, but they are just a bit like that - a bit socially inept and not very good at sharing or socialising). I can't really explain how they are around the DC and other people, just very anti social, I guess - focus all their attention on the DC and don't acknowledge anybody else.

And now it feels like they've basically rejected our attempts to have a bit of a do involving all sides of the family. Lots of people in DH's family are coming, it's jut mainly my family and DH's family in the evening. Very few of our friends will be there in the evening because most have pre schoolers and the people who didn't have all been left out by the date change.

But I am drip feeding now and I don't mean to. I just have the hump at changing things to accommodate them and knowing they will cherry pick the parts they want to be involved in then gatecrash DS1s birthday day which they HAVEN'T BEEN INVITED TO!!!

My family are shit at socialising too so I sympathise. I asked my sister if she'd like to organise a joint camping venture as her and her DC love to camp and so do we and te kids get on...and she was all "meh" about it!

I advise you to tel them you're sad about them not staying on as you love to be with them. They'd have to be hardhearted not to make an effort!

Well then take bloody control and stop moaning! Say the week after is no good and stick to that. If they are socially inept have them visit at a time without others around and do your party on another day with others next time.

Stick to your guns about the week after - you have plans and that weekend is NO good for them to come down but they can give you another date o come down. Do it!

YANBU to be a bit p'd off that your efforts have been for nought. Agree that you should stop moaning and take charge. always do what suits you and YOUR family first. I would change date to the one you WANT.