to want my brother to be polite to my son?

[TadlowDogIncident]

My brother, sister and mother came to visit yesterday, went home again this morning. Mother and sister managed to be at least friendly to 11-mo DS (none of them like babies very much, fair enough, I can't expect them to feel any different about mine). Brother ignored him completely (didn't even say hello) and poor DS hasn't ever had to face that in his own house before, so looked really baffled and quite upset when he didn't get any response.

AIBU to say that when brother next comes round, he has to manage the minimal politeness to DS that he would to an adult he didn't much like, rather than blanking him completely, or am I being PFB about this?

It is strange to blank him completely, but maybe he didn't know how to interract with a baby.

He certainly should acknowledge his presence.

How horrible for you. A friend's husband did this last week to one of my sons. Totally blanked him.
I hate it when people behave as if children don't exist.
It'll be your brother's loss when your DS is older and wants nothing to do with his uncle.

Na, there are folk in this world who do not do babies or little people. My family are these very people actually.

As they get older he will probably get along with him better.
I wouldnt make fuss. id leave it and just monitor the situaltion as your ds gets older.
Its upsetting but dont be offended, my lot really do not like babies or small kids at all, now a wee bit older they are great with mine.

Did I read correctly that your ds is 11 months(!!) old. Seems a bit over sensitive to get mad at your brother for not saying hello to a baby. Your ds is not going to know the difference now. But certainly, he will notice when he is older and doesn't get to see his uncle because you have alienated him by complaining that he didn't interact with his nephew when he was a baby.

How old is the brother by the way?
If he is 13 it is understandable (but still rude); if he is 23 he is a prat.

Your 11mo was not baffled or upset. You were. Which is fair enough.

he's 11 months old

are you mad

Bit of an over-reaction I think. He didn't say hello to a 11 mt old. I'm going to guess the 11 month old didn't notice.

Was your baby trying to get a response from your brother and confused when your brother ignored him? Because not saying 'hello' to a baby isn't particularly bothersome, but ignoring a baby who is smiling at you is rather off.

Don't worry about it, your baby will survive, but I can see why you are upset.

At 11 months my ds was walking and would certainly have greeted anyone visiting us, and he would have noticed if someone didn't respond/ ignored him! I don't think you abu, he should have at least said hello

YABU

I can't say I ever say "hello" to babies. Reacting to them if they are trying to get your attention is one thing, but initiating contact with a baby isn't necessary. If you like babies of course it makes sense to. If you don't then why should you?

Donning my hard hat, I'd say you were being a tiny bit PFB. An 11 month old can't have a conversation, and beyond smiling at him, your brother probably won't really know much else about what to do with him, especially if he has no DC of his own, rarely interacts with DC and has no previous experience with or interest in v small children.

I must admit we both really struggled when our nephews were small. There was this wriggly bundle who would cry for no apparent reason, would suddenly produce substances at either end, and would make strange noises that SIL/BIL would have to interpret as "speech" All this while SIL/BIL are hovering over you and baby as though it is a combo of Nelson Mandela and a Ming vase.

Now we get on great with them as they talk, don't usually projectile vomit and are actually great fun to be around - in fact they enjoy staying with us, and we really look forward to their visits. If your family (with the obvious exception of your mother) aren't used to babies/toddlers they may genuinely not have a clue how to interact, and generally v small children are not as interesting/enjoyable to spend time with as they are when older. Obviously as their parent you will feel differently

You are being PFB.

But if the baby is trying to interact with your brother and he ignored him, them you should say something to him at the time.

Ignoring a baby who is smiling at you is a bit dickish.

YANBU to expect politeness. As for 'some people don't do little people' Some people don't do manners you mean surely!?! Blanked completely is RUDE.

DC here all said hello and were used to a response by 11mo. DC have feelings from very young, dismissing them as not noticing things is utterly ridiculous.

Any dickhead person who came to my house and ignored my family would not be returning.

I should have explained a bit more clearly - DS was smiling and making little noises and trying to get my brother's attention. He definitely noticed that he was being ignored! DB did completely blank him. It would have been fine if he'd acknowledged him, I don't expect more than that.

Oh, and I did say "DS is smiling at you, it would be nice if you smiled back", to which he said "Oh". Didn't know how to react as I thought maybe I was being precious and didn't want to make a big thing about it if I was.

HOw old is your brother?

Sorry, missed your question Esta - brother is 32.

X-posted - sorry!

32? I was thinking you were going to say 15, in which case I would say its fairly normal behaviour.. but at 32 he is a man who should be capable of showing some interest in his nephew. YANBU.

Very weird not to acknowledge a baby who is trying to get your attention! My 11 month old would have been a bit baffled too, and I'd have found it rude to me actually.

YANBU

Brother sounds like a bit of a prat at 32 and ignoring his own nephew. He could at least have acknowledged him

Oh and YANBU

Brother is a bit of a prat! DH and I both thought it wasn't on but I wanted to get a feel for whether we were just being daft. Thanks for responses.