The back story. My best friend is a gay man (30 years old) who have I have known for 20 years. We grew up together. He does get heavily involved in the gay scene and I just leave him to it. Not intentionally, but I have a lot of gay friends. They all went through the Manchester scene and then settled down with jobs, houses, partners and pretty settled lives. My friend moved to London to live with his boyfriend 2 years ago and I knew something wasn't quite right but I did visit and keep in touch offering him a way out the second he wanted to come home. He never visited me and he didn't even text me on my 30th. As usual I just made an excuse for him, I can't accept he is that selfish.
So 8 weeks ago my friend drank himself almost into a coma. He was in intensive care and was very, very sick. His family contacted me and brought him home. I found his behavior very strange and a few days after being out of hospital rang me begging for help. He was stranded, drunk miles away and at 2am I had to leave my toddler and husband to find him and make sure he was safe. The following day after spending the night at mine, he seemed ok. Then he went missing. He was missing for 4 days, police involved etc. He was found drunk in Manchester after emptying his bank account and blowing the whole lot on drink (£600!!!!). I rang round the hospitals and found he had been picked up by ambulance and then just got out of the hospital when he woke up. I was beside myself. I spent 4 days crying, going over things, worried he might have killed himself. Driving round with no sleep the whole of the north west desperate to see him and know he was safe. All the time he was getting drunk, not giving anyone else a second thought.
He agreed to a family meeting and asked me to be there to support him. I obliged. He told us all his ex had been abusive and this was the reason for the drinking, for him to forget. He promised never to do anything like this again and would always speak to someone if he felt like he wanted to run away again. He said no more lies and apologised for all the worry and hurt he caused. I blamed myself for not getting him out of London sooner. I took him to a doctor, I pleaded for them to see past the alcoholism and help him and after hours of fighting with them, they did. He got the help he needed and he still has that help today. I have fought his corner every step of the way. Sometimes putting him before my family in the hope it will help him recover. I have excused his lies, deceit, drinking, attitude, behavior every single day to everyone he meets.
He has been doing brilliant. I have seen him most days and given him things to do. When he needs me, I am there no matter what. Sitting at macdonalds at 2am cos he can't sleep, giving him plans so he has a reason to get up in the morning. He has had no money so I have paid for him to do things with us and I have also been the sound board for his family, mainly his mum who is not coping at all with this. Along the way he has lied to me and has stolen wine from my house. I have blamed his illness for this and thought that one day he won't be like this. Of course he has drank, I understand that but each time he has we have talked about it and decided on a plan. I have never been angry, I have always been a rock of support. Always understanding, always seeing the good in him.
Then on Thursday out of the blue, he manages to get a crisis loan (living with parents so no need for any money to live) then goes missing again. Straight to Manchester to the gay village to drink himself into a stuper and sleep with as many men as he can. While I panic that he is missing and his phone is off. After texting him a million times I get a reply telling me that I am the most important thing to him and that he is fine. He refused to tell me where is was. And that was the only thing I heard. So yet another few sleepless night until he was found by one of the many people walking the streets looking for him last night. Drunk and in a gay bar with no thought or care for his family or me, and we are all beside ourselves. I missed my childs bed time so I could sit and talk to his crying mum who was again, scared he would come to harm like he had before.
I am livid. Not angry that he is drunk, not angry he is in Manchester. But angry that he decided to get some money and do this without saying where is was going or when he would be back. Ignoring my texts...the only reason he has credit on his phone is cos I have paid for it. I am not his keeper, I don't demand to know where he is all the time but I would like a bit of mutual respect and acknowledgement at how much I do for him without question, just by the thinking to have let me know he will be away a few days and that he was safe. He didn't say he was going away, he just walked out of his parents house. He had plans with me the next day and he didn't let me know or show up.
The thing that upsets me more than anything is that I am very ill. I have a few serious medical issues going on atm and he knows just how scared I am. But he hasn't for one second thought about me and what effect his behavior has on me. Disappearing off the face of the earth after being so vulnerable and pleading for help leaving us all to be worried sick, just so he can get bladdered and act like a child is proving just a little too much for my nerves, my marriage and my health.
AIBU to wash my hands of him and let him destroy his own life without dragging me down with him? Does anyone have any experience of this kind of thing or where I may get some advice?
Thanks for reading my doom and gloom story. I need bacon big time after that!