to do nothing for MIL's birthday?

[bagelmonkey]

MILs birthday is about a week before mine. Last year I sent cards and a couple of small gifts plus flowers and chocolates. I didn't get a single card from ILs. I can't be certain, but I don't think I got anything the year before either. I leave FIL, BIL & SIL birthdays up to DH and he usually organises something if he wants to (bit variable). I just felt that MIL-DIL relationship should be a bit different, iykwim?
AIBU to do nothing for her this year and leave it all up to DH?

I leave dh's family stuff to dh. At first, he tried to palm it all off onto me, but was never satisfied with presents, cards I chose. I also chose better for my family than he did, and he wanted input into theirs which was a nightmare; we now do our own, as it were. Everything is 'from' both of us and dd - but now she likes to do her own too.

I wouldn't call MIL mum but I would still think that she was something to do with me-it didn't all have to go through DH as duty. I would assume thatI would be a much better present buyer than DH.

I wonder why she didn't send you a card? Are you on good terms? Maybe she is as forgetful as your DH. Anyway I think the buying for his family should be his job.

Did she actually KNOW it was your birthday?

We have the opposite problem! I usually recieve a lovely gift and card for my birthday from PIL and DH gets nothing! He was 30 last year and he didn't even get a text, he was quite upset but didn't want to cause any friction, so a simple "Hi, had a lovely birthday today, will hopefully see you soon" text was sent at about 9pm, with no response!

I have just sent a big package of gifts and cards to their house, which includes SIL x 3, MIL, FIL and nephew gifts, grand total of £10 for all cards and gifts (mainly photos/frames/paintings from DS) - I added a little note to the tune of "So that we don't forget anybody this year!" and an invite to DS's birthday party/bbq - I.E So YOU don't forget your DS DGS birthdays ha ha cheeky I know but hey ho! If you don't ask and all that ...

My suggestion to you, send a card with a drawing or a painting from your tiddleywink - if they say anything just say "Oh I thought we were just doing cards from now on? My mistake"

Buy a card, give it to DH to send and tell him that he is resposible for getting the gift if he wants to. Job done. I get so sick of blokes opting out or their responsibilities to parents when they get a woman in tow.

If you send a card and not DH, address it "Dear Gladys", rather than "Dear Mum", so she knows who's doing the leg work. If you're someone who takes pleasure in giving, then buy a present, but don't do it expecting to get one back. Sounds like you'd be disappointed. Treat her how you'd like to be treated yourself and then YANBU. She might learn in time.

My family are big on birthdays. DH's a bit less so, but they always do cards and gifts, but birthdays are always recognised. (DH is just often a bit late)
I don't send gifts just to receive them, but I do think that remembering family's birthdays is important.
I get on fairly well with ILs. I was trying to build a closer relationship with MIL in particular because she has 4 GCs from her estranged son and I was pregnant with the first GC she'll really get to know.
She said happy birthday to me at the end of a phone call.
Anyway, that was last year. Its her birthday next month. I'll send a card from me, DH and DD.

DH and I both enjoy buying presents for people we love. If I see something that I think PILs would like then I'll get it for them, and DH does the same for my family. He's also really good at remembering dates. He must be the exception that proves the rule.

Or secretly a woman.

But surely I would have noticed that.

NO! Your DH should send the card. It's not your job!

My MIL is highly organised about birthdays and always sends each of us a card and gives an appropriate and carefully chosen gift. Significant birthdays are celebrated even more, with parties and so on.

Consequently, both of us remember, I make a card and we discuss and choose together her gift. I think she would be very hurt if we forgot or didn't mark it in some way. Same goes for FIL, DH's sister, her husband, and assorted offspring.

just send a card maybe - and phone up and sing happy birthday

My SIL doesn't like me and will deliberately not text or send a card on my birthday, so I go out of my way to be nice to her making sure DP has sorted present on her birthday and I text her a greeting

Because I will not lower myself to her pettiness.