AIBU to wonder if teens are really shagging quite as much as we hear?

[schomberg]

I get the general impression that there has been some sort of teenage sexual revolution - especially in the last three or four years - since I was at school (80s) with school age teens with casual sex and group sex simply being something that "goes on" without much of a fuss and kids having more sex at a much younger age.

On one level I struggle to believe this as my school experience, and the school experience of my close friends, seems so far removed from the things I've been reading about, particularly this latest thing with two 13 yo Bedales students kicked out for having sex in a sandpit. Have things really become as open and free as the media would suggest? How does the perception shape up to any MNers who were at school in the 90s/00s?

I'm also wondering if anyone has any sort of a handle on how common sexting is. It seems like everyone with bits and a camera is at it.

I didn't want to even try and open the link. It is most depressing thread. I think that a certain section behave like it, mainly with drink, but not all teenagers by a long way.

Well I left school in 1978 aged 16 so I feel ancient on this thread! I was still a virgin at 17 as were all my friends. We never even reallly spoke about sex (let alone jokes and sexting about blow jobs etc) though we had crushes and so forth. Once I went to University and after I was pretty free-and-easy though - actually something I now regret because in retrospect though some of it was about sex drive and lust for life, a substantial part of it reflected a real lack of self-value.

My own view is that now women's bodies are not a form of real beauty and desire, but objects of cynical porn. Therefore this trajectory that some young women are on, has probably seriously worsened in the last 30 years.

My son will definitely get the talk about sex, love and relationships - in a way that I never did. And I hope to god he doesn't join this culture of exploitative and irresponsible (to other people's - mainly women's - feelings) sex.

teenagers are having more sex, only the girls are being blamed for being slags.

the school i went to was much like adulthood too, in fact the very same story to do with the girl who was gang raped has happened in my town, only the girl was 12 and they all walked away free.

Its really hard to know what is talk by teenagers and what is real. The impression I get is that a small group of teenagers are involved in lots of sex. But I know large surveys show that the average age to lose your virginity is still 16.

What does seem to have changed is sexual behaviour that makes up part of petting. When I was young in the 70's/80's blow jobs weren't that common - I think they are very common now, amongst teenagers who are still virgins. Anal sex also seems to be far more common now.

Same sex activity - especially between girls - seems to be more common, including the kissing each other for your boyfriend to get off on as well as "genuine" same sex activity.

It is also much more common to record sexual activity. And I think porn has greatly affected the perception of normal sexual behaviour and what women should look like. It is very very easy for young boys and girls to access some quite extreme porn at the time in their life when they are developing an idea of what is sexually normal.

This is scaring the living daylights out of me to be honest!

I've been worried what my 12yr old dsd has been getting up to with her bf for a while now. She looks and acts much older than she is, although the bf is only a year older than her. I've spoken to dh, but he's doing the sticking his head in the sand thing...... I've no idea what her mother makes of it all tbh. But she seems able to do what she wants, when she wants. And some of the stuff on her Facebook!! Any suggestions??

Incidentally she also didn't know what her periods were, I had to explain that when she asked me.

I was a nightmare teen, lost my virginity at 15 and preg at 16 so I can kind of see the signs.

I have a 14yr old DS. So far he is totally disinterested in girls. And sex as far as I can tell. I found him looking on the internet late on night in bed after we were all asleep - I checked the internet history on his laptop and he was looking up how to make Lego Halo weapons on YouTube Only time I found used tissues round his bed was when he had a cold.

Mind you his voice hasn't dropped and as far as I can see he had no public hair. Is he a freak?! Perhaps I should be glad he is....

I don't have teens, but when I was a teenager myself in the 90s I used to read about "peer pressure" to have sex from 13 onwards. I used to think "Oh really?"

There was never any pressure to have full sex with someone, even in my late teens/20s at sixth form or university. Snogging/"going out" with people maybe when I was hanging around with a more "grown up" group of girls in my early teens, but anyone who was rumoured to have gone all the way with someone at school was called a slapper/slag.

I like to think most kids are still quite sensible/grounded and want to wait until they're 16/17 or later. There is too much negative press about teenagers.

I should also add I looked like a grown woman at 12 - pretty much the same measurements, bra size as I had in my late twenties before having children. I first had sex at 17 so being one of the earlier ones to go through puberty made no difference in that regard.

I am so glad my daughter has a mind of her own. I know some of this stuff goes on amongst some groups at her school - it's down to peer pressure and wanting to be seen as 'in'.

cat64 - I find it really surprising you know loads of 18/19 year olds that havent had sex at all. Here a lot at that age are engaged,or living together and have kids/planning children.