to ask you all to talk me out of revenge.

[Mrswhiskerson]

My ex stepfather was a evil man who regularly beat my mum up in front of me and my brother , we lived in fear for years as he broke her mentally and physically . He then started abusing me which lasted for years but i was to scared and ashamed to tell anyone.
when it came out my mum kicked him out divorced him and eventually found a lovely man.
I have found some sort of peace but the anger and hatred for him is still there, he ruined our childhoods completely and i still live with the scars now .
I used to hope i could bump into him to get my own back somehow or some closure but it never happened and I got on with my life.

I now know where he lives and works and it sickens me to know he has quite a happy life and feels no shame for what he has done.

I am fuming and really want to find him and say something to make him feel the fear i lived with for years .
i catergorically do not want to commit any violence whatsoever. I do not want to be that person or sink to his level and I have a child and i want him to grow up with good role models.
I am so angry and sad I feel i need closure some how and speaking to him might get me it but something is telling me it is a bad idea.
what would you do?

I agree with everyone else. Report him to the police. They do act and investigate years on and the CPS do prosecute.

This was in the news the other week -

Link to DM report

If you don't feel up to reporting him to the police, then perhaps somehow let him know that you have and they could be knocking on his door any. day. now...

I was sexually abused by step dad for 9 years.

In jail my dad had arranged for him get a fair few beatings by letting certain people know who he was and why he was there.

After many years (he got send down for 8 years) I once saw him in high town mid day on a Saturday, I was with a group of friends, he walked straight up to me while I was out side a shop waiting for a friend.

To cut a long story short I didn't let him say a word, gave him a great punch in the face a yelled peodo, my friends who know what happened just all jumped on him and gave him a good kicking along with a few locals. It was a very high profile case in our town.

Any way police came, no charges of assault where passed (may have been cos the CCTV tape went walk about, dp had nothing to that)

And after all that, I'm now at peace with what had happened, I don't mind talking about it, and at the end of day it's made me who I am.

I do feel like i go my revange thou.

Thank you for sharing your stories , it sickens me that so much of this goes on and I am glad you have found closure and a happy
life .

I am seriously co siderimg reporting him to the police but I want to talk to my mum first , she has been through so much tragedy in her life I do not want to rake this all back up if it is going to have a negative effect on her and I will have to find another way to deal with this if that is the case.

Can anyone advise me on this, he never raped me he touched me inappropriately for years under the guise of play fighting and when I was asleep he would pull upthe duvet to look at my body I know this because I caught him a few times and felt so sick I sort of denied to myself it was happening ifswim? The final straw was when he tried to get Into bed with me when I was asleep I had just turned sixteen and I also had found outmy grandma had terminal cancer so my head was all over the place to start with .
When it all came out a lot of people said it was not that bad because he did not rape me , it was that bad to me it was still a violation of my body
for years , what I am wondering is will the police see it this way?

I feel sick at the minute , half of me wants to get justice to stop feeling like a victim and to stop him doing this to anyone else the other half is terrified of what the consequences might be for my family and will it be public ? Will it be splashed all over the papers?

Please be assured that, should this matter go to Court, in most cases the victim of a rape or sexual assault has the right to remain anonymous throughout the process and the right to anonymity can continue after the case has finished.

However, I would suggest that in the first instance you seek advice from www.lifecentre.uk.com who operate under the umbrella of The Survivors Trust www.thesurvivorstrust.org

I would go to his work place and in front of as many people as you can state what he did to you your mother and your brother. But then again, I am not ashamed of what others have done to me, i only have shame for things I have done which have hurt others.
A better plan for you would be to speak to the police and get justice for your family. Please also get some counselling and try to let go of your anger, life is too short to live it in hate and resentment, if you do, this man will have ruined your whole life not just your childhood

"When it all came out a lot of people said it was not that bad because he did not rape me , it was that bad to me it was still a violation of my body"

They are wrong. It is horrific. So it was sexual as well as mental and physical abuse? I hope you do report him. Is there any chance he is still doing this, to someone else?

The best revenge is a life well lived.

Strive to be happy.

Dont let him win.

xx

By all means contact the police....what if he is doing this to someone elses child?

Do not confront him yourself!!!!!

A friend of mine had to give evidence against her step father as someone else had reported him, years after the events. He's now in prison. Go to the police.

"When it all came out a lot of people said it was not that bad because he did not rape me , it was that bad to me it was still a violation of my body"

They were talking rubbish! Really they were. It was a massive violation of you as a person and your body. It would have introduced you to things which you are not supposed to be introduced to at a young age by someone who was supposed to protect and look after you. Having experienced something similar I can say that it has had a massive impact on my life, how I view my body, how I feel about myself. It is not a small thing. You friends at the time didn't know what they were talking about and you should disregard their opinions.

As for your mum, I know she has been through a lot and yes she was a victim of him too. But she also should have protected her children. It's ok to be angry at her about that.

Whether or not you press charges, in my opinion, should not be based on what your mum can handle and how it would affect her. You sound very considerate of your mum which is lovely, but you also need to think of what you need and it sounds like that is justice. I am sure you don't want him doing this to anyone else (sorry if that sounds like a guilt trip) but they can and do continue with these activities for as long as they live. He could still be doing this when he's 95.

Personally I think that your mum need to respect how you feel and what you have been through and pespect the fact that you need closure. She needs to toughen up and support you in what you decide to do. This is not to do with her anymore, it's to do with you.