To think that mums get overinvolved?

[joric]

I have just been reading another thread and get the feeling that I stand alone in the belief that children learn a lot from making their own friendships at school without the constant interference from parents.

That when primary school comes to an end for example, it is a matter of end of an era that doesn't require a load of hysterics from either side.

excellently summed up by someone on thread I was reading who said:
'You really aren't doing your kids any favours by turning every life event into a hand wringing excuse for a nervous breakdown'

WDYT?!

Hey am I getting something right as a "school kid parent" ?

Oh thank god.

I am wetting myself here thinking 2 years out with an HE head and I dooooooooooooomed when it comes to not screwing it all up as he transitions to "big school".

Op- I see where you are coming from.
Some parents are at school for the slightest thing instead of allowing their child to deal with it. I am not talking about serious things but every day school events such as children falling out.
I learnt a long time ago not to get involved when child x fell out with child y and my child was friends with both, my advice is always stay out of it, tomorrow x and y will be friends again.
For me it is the parents who complain to the teacher/head when another child falls out with their child (usually because their child has done a bad thing!). Well sorry but my opinion is it your own child's fault and they should learn that being nasty has it's consequences, otherwise thay will not adapt socially in the real world.
As for moving schools it is understandable that it can be upsetting. However, when my eldest when to senior school all parents were specifically told: Your child will be put in a tutor group with at least 1 child of their choice, however, I will not move children around to be with A, B, C, D, E F and G. I am running a school not a party.

Muminthemiddle - love this- they are running a school not a party!!!!!
Fastweb- don't panic but be warned that your child will come in contact with mumzilla and her equally horrific offspring. :(

but be warned that your child will come in contact with mumzilla and her equally horrific offspring

I am working on a camouflage outfit so i can blend in with the shrubs in the school courtyard as we speak. I'm working on the basis that if they can't see me, they will leave me alone.

The worst mumzilla from elementary has moved away, but once bitten, 400 million times shy.

My biggest problem is going to be the mothers who have something to prove and wish to be seen as the organizer who gets things done and improves the school with their wonderfulness. They are the ones who chase me round the playground hounding me cos they are convinced I am just desperate to teach English for free at the school. They scare me. They have a persistence that can only have been created in a laboratory with the aid of nuclear fusion.

I don't see why a child shouldn't feel sad at changes in their life. I've seen adults that would describe themselves as generally unemotional getting upset when they move work, even while they're looking forward to the new work, and they have chosen both that they will move and when they will move.

And the threads I've seen on "my child's not with friends" hasn't been upset that they haven't been kept with ALL their friends, it's that they aren't with ANY friends, and particularly when all the others look like they're with their friends.

Until you've had the situation that your shy child is placed in a class with no one they get on with, even a child who's been bullying them, when all the other children in the year have clearly been places with their best friends, you shouldn't criticize other parents.

If you have a child who makes friends easily it probably isn't an issue for them. However for some children making friends is difficult and causes a lot of stress for them.

I kind of thought that one of the main reasons for children going to private schools in the UK is so that they get to have friendships that their parents approve of?

DeWe
Until you've had the situation that your shy child is placed in a class with no one they get on with, even a child who's been bullying them, when all the other children in the year have clearly been places with their best friends, you shouldn't criticize other parents.
I have the child you describe in every way except she has not been bullied.

Fastweb :) you will be ok! ( with your camouflage on )

I agree with you, OP. It's one thing to feel a bit sad/emotional at the new stages of your child's life but I think that some mums 'give way' at every little thing. I remember my mum crying for some reason and telling me she was happy; I didn't believe it and it worried me. I think some mothers expect their children to to accept 'adult feelings' and to a degree, that's wrong. It's for the adult to hold it together and not pass on their hysteria to their child, they can wail and hand-wring in private, surely?

I also think their are some hand-wringers who thrive on attention and perform the 'concerned mummy' dance so that they can visibly demonstrate what good mums they are. So attention-seeking.

... and don't get me started on the 'competitive hand-wringing'... almost an Olympic sport!

I hear ya!

All the greatin' and crying over kids leaving nursery to go to school! can't bloody wait!!!!

Lyingwitch It's for the adult to hold it together and not pass on their hysteria to their child and I also think their are some hand-wringers who thrive on attention and perform the 'concerned mummy' dance so that they can visibly demonstrate what good mums they are. So attention-seeking.

Exactly!!!! :)

When my eldest started secondary school he only knew two other children and he wasn't close friends with them, he was fine so was my middle child when he left infant school and started a junior school where he didn't know anyone! I think if you are anxious or over emotional about things it can rub off on them, it's part of life they will go to college, uni and have jobs where they don't know anyone it's good that they are used to meeting people and making new friends from an early age without hand wringing and interference from parents

Yes lovesicecream they do sense anxiety....best to be brisk and the'll be the same. Change is good for them....as is the challenge of beng the new kid.

I think it is a really good thing that schools now do so much for year six leavers. It demonstrates that they have been valued members of the school community, and indicates to the younger children that they are also valued. It is sad when children leave and it doesn't bother me that some mums cry. Once the kids are in secondary school it will be a fresh. exciting start and the whole leaving primary school thing is quickly forgotten, regardless of how distressing it seemed at the time.

Lovesicecream and mumbling - agree!
It's all in how you present something to a child... If you are fearful, they will be too- if you are matter of fact, so will they be!

Actually I have been in the position of my child being placed with a child she did not get along with, it was more than that, the parent of the child was to put it midly, slagging off my child to the headteacher and staff to the point where the head felt the need to ring me to inform me.
I did consider asking the senior school to put my child in another tutor group. However I didn't and choose to let my child deal with the situation because in the adult world I have to work with people whom I do not like-shock horror!!!!
Now my child has found many other friends, is popular and even can see the good in the child with whom she had problems with (as for the mother she is still vary wary of her and because of this would never go to the child's house). The other child however remains unpopular with very few friends and I have heard still has the dragon of an interferring mother Weighing her down.