Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is he re gifts for teachers.

61 replies

york78 · 21/07/2011 17:42

Dh came home last night as me and the dc were wrapping gifts for their teachers. DH said what are you giving them presents for? I don't get presents in my occupation etc. I think he is being miserable. Or does he have a point?

OP posts:
Itsjustafleshwound · 21/07/2011 18:09

Does your husband get a bonus/13th cheque??? Does he tip the waitress??

I don't think there is anything wrong rewarding teachers for doing a good job. It isn't compulsory, but then I also view it as way to show my child good manners

We had a joint present for the teacher (class rep collected money from all the mums) so really it was discretionary and no pressure to give anything.

JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:09

So have I, but I reward good service from low-paid workers. Not because they expect it but because I think it's a nice thing to do.

JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:09

sorry, that was to AuntiePickleBottom

AuntiePickleBottom · 21/07/2011 18:15

yes but you may have the spare cash to do that, but not everyone has, and tbh it doesn't make someone a scrooge if they don't decide to tip.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/07/2011 18:17

In principle I don't agree with it because it's moved well away from making a point of thanking a teacher who has really gone the 'extra mile' to just becoming a neverending blanket policy of buying cheap/mass produced (mostly) tat for every teacher, whether they were brilliant or not.

Some teachers are truly excellent - many aren't, they're quite mediocre in my opinion - and whilst I would love to see the brilliant teachers truly rewarded, they're thanked in the same way as the mediocrities just because it's the latest 'done thing' and one has to be a follower. It's very difficult. :(

bigTillyMint · 21/07/2011 18:19

Teaching is a service industry.

I only tip if I think the waiter / hairdresser / cabbie, etc has done a good job.

I only give a present if I feel the teacher has done a good job.

Your DH obviously doesn't interface with joe public on a daily basis? Do his employers show their appreciation with bonus / Christmas party or the like?

Original poster
york78 · 21/07/2011 18:20

He does tip waiters/waitresses. I think thats partly because he used to work in the hospitality industry and knows how badly they are paid.

OP posts:
JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:25

Fair point Auntie.

MorelliOrRanger · 21/07/2011 18:26

My DD has made her teachers a little bag each and we've filled them with sweets, total cost £5. I think its the thought and that we want them to know their hard work is appreciated. Doesn't have to be costly.

MorelliOrRanger · 21/07/2011 18:27

So YANBU and he's being a bit of a scrooge :)

LynetteScavo · 21/07/2011 18:31

Hmmm, it's nice to say thank you is a special way though. (It doesn't have to be expensive)

DH (who isn't a teacher!) is often given thank you cards and bottles of wine from clients, even though they pay him a considerable fee. I think if you see someone going the extra mile, you want to thank them properly.

JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:31

Does your DH value what the teachers do?

If he does (or even if he doesn't) I think it is quite miserable of him to say what he said in front of the children. They do seem to care about their teacher, and have a relationship with her. Why does he want to undermine that?

JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:32

or him

Roo83 · 21/07/2011 18:35

As children we used to take gifts for the teacher, some children (especially at primary) get really attached to their class teacher. I give gifts at Christmas to our cleaner (she's fantastic), the postman (he's always friendly and chatty) and others. A teacher can have such an impact on a young child, if they've done a good job why not reward them with a small gift

LynetteScavo · 21/07/2011 18:35

I agree with bigTillyMint. One year DS's teacher didn't get a thing from us. (Her present was us not going to the governess with our complaints)

Other people I give thank you gifts are midwives, school secretaries, the head, teaching assistants, DH's office cleaner (he wouldn't think of it!)...basically anyone we have built up a special relationship with over time, and we will remember for always because they have touched our lives in a special way.

Pancakeflipper · 21/07/2011 18:42

I don't presents cos the rest of the sheep do. I buy if I want to. And my kid has been lucky to have had some very supportive and hard working teachers/ teaching assistants.

I have just finished writing my letters to the teacher and TA's to say thank you. I want them to know I am grateful my kid has been happy and progressed this year. Afterall I read too many threads on here that aren't as positive. So I know which side my bread has been buttered this year.

GnomeDePlume · 21/07/2011 18:45

I dont think you can equate the giving of a gift to a teacher with an employer giving a bonus. If the teacher should get a bonus then that should come from the employer not from the pupils or their parents. Pupils and parents are the customers not the employers.

Personally I think this idea of giving a gift to a teacher just for doing their job not for doing something special is twee and patronising.

Itsjustafleshwound · 21/07/2011 18:53

I think the comparison I was making (present vs bonus) was not so much where it was from, but rather the fact that it is a discretionary and based on 'good' work rather than something written into their contracts and dependent on performance (no profit no bonus)

But then how daft is it just to give people gifts because they happen to be celebrating the day they were born?? It isn't like you have done anything to get it - just made sure you breathed!!!

begonyabampot · 21/07/2011 18:54

so what do people usually give (i don't always - depends on the teacher)? This year we gave a bottle of wine and a box of chocs (total 8 quid) - just curious.

LilBB · 21/07/2011 19:02

I would only give a teacher a thank you gift if they were exceptional. I'm a bit of a Scrooge and don't agree with tipping just for doing your job. If you go above and beyond then thats fair enough. I do not, and have never, tipped my bin man or post man. I'm not sure why anyone would?

LilBB · 21/07/2011 19:02

I would only give a teacher a thank you gift if they were exceptional. I'm a bit of a Scrooge and don't agree with tipping just for doing your job. If you go above and beyond then thats fair enough. I do not, and have never, tipped my bin man or post man. I'm not sure why anyone would?

Themumsnot · 21/07/2011 19:05

Why should I give DD2's teacher a present this year, I wonder? Well, she has given up the past two weekends to take the children away on weekend trips to mark the end of primary school. She has given up many evenings to organising a fantastic school production that made us really proud. She was there bopping away with the children at the disco last night (along with almost every other teacher in the school). She is always available to any parent with a problem or a question. She encourages them, supports them, takes pride in their successes, believes in every single one of them and gives them self-belief. She is particularly special, but every teacher in the school (and I know them all pretty well having had 3 DC go through it) does much much more than the job they are paid for.
Not worth a box of chocolates or a bottle of mid-priced wine? Not worth a little note to say thank you?

Doowrah · 21/07/2011 19:13

My son had two teachers this year, one got SFA and a heartfelt thank God there's no more of him and the other got a £2 perennial plant and homemade thank you card, DS liked her and teaching is a bloomin' difficult job and earns my ubber respect for those who genuinely deserve it. Giving feels good...

begonyabampot · 21/07/2011 19:17

of course you shouldn't feel obliged to give (I don't always) but I do think teaching is a very special job, can think of nothing more important than entrusting my child to this stranger and hoping that they will nurture and encourage them, especially when they are little. Also it must be nice if you are a caring teacher to feel appreciated - it is such an important job and good caring teachers are worth their weight in gold.

MABS · 21/07/2011 19:19

I always buy champagne for ds' teacher, matron and the HT, they are truly amazing and I want to thank them for all their support. ds also writes handritten cards to go with the booze, i send em it, spelling mistakes and all :)