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AIBU?

dad wants time off

133 replies

natandjacob · 21/07/2011 12:39

My OH has his own company and works untill 6/6.30 every weekday and sometimes on the weekend. Our 1 year old son goes to bed at 7 every night so this means they dont get to see much of each other. OH has started saying that he wants half a "day off" each weekend for him to smoke, drink or just do his own thing without any parental duties. I can understand his work is hard and he does deserve a break but he goes to the pub most friday nights with his mates and barely has to do anything with our son apart from a bit of playtime on the evening as i do everything else. he does no housework as this is my job as i dont work.
am i being unreasonable not wanting him to have this? how many other partners get time off like this? i just want a general idea of how other families work so i know whether im just being mean or not!!!

OP posts:

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natandjacob · 21/07/2011 17:23

what would you do though? im quite happy only getting the odd break every couple of months when ds goes to stop at his nana's. i've always just kind of left oh to it thinking its his loss, at least i'll have a good relationship with my son. i dont really want half a day off each weekend and i'd rather he didnt have that much either. im all for having a break or a little afternoon nap on the weekend but i just think he's wanting way to much time off each weekend.

OP posts:

Cocoflower · 21/07/2011 17:36

When he says he wants to drink does he mean at home?

Does he mean in the daytime?

natandjacob · 21/07/2011 17:48

well either at home or at the pub, depends on the weather. i wouldnt mind him doing it some weekends but every weekend is a bit much when he doesnt bother to play or do much with his son.

OP posts:

Cocoflower · 21/07/2011 17:50

Does he mean on his own or with friends? And daytime or nightime?

AitchGee · 21/07/2011 17:54

Speaking as a male single parent, "me" time is extremely important to one's well-being. OP should simply tell her partner to feck-off and do the ironing, whilst she goes out for a play on the nearby swings :)

natandjacob · 21/07/2011 17:54

he likes it day time, normally the afternoon cos it lasts longer than the morning. he'll spend ages sitting outside smoking and then come in and play on his online game on the laptop and you cant get a word out of him, its like talking to a brick wall. im so fed up with him at the moment. cant help but think i'd get more me time and ds would get more time with his dad if we split up, just really dont want it to come to that

OP posts:

natandjacob · 21/07/2011 17:57

AitchGee are you being serious? what a turdy thing to say. if actually read my posts he gets every friday night at the pub and half a day to himself each weekend while i am stuck with ds alllllllll the time. knob

OP posts:

Cocoflower · 21/07/2011 17:57

So smoking makes him happier than his family? He just does it own in the day for hours?

I can understand people letting of steam once in a while to go out on the town... but just there on his own, in the day when he has a family... it seems 'empty'.

natandjacob · 21/07/2011 17:58

oooooooooooops read that totally wrong!!!! hahaha sorry! ignore my rant, its the hormones lol

OP posts:

JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:02

I suspect if you got a job you'd be doing just the same as you are now, organising childcare, worrying about logistics and working.

Do as SGB says and start claiming time for yourself and letting him look after his child - preferably for a whole weekend.

JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:04

Although, by all means get yourself a job if you want to, but there will have to be a change in the status quo to enable you to do that. That needs to come first

BadTasteFlump · 21/07/2011 18:05

nat have you tried talking to him about it - I don't mean mid-argument about it, but when you're both sitting down, with the DC in bed, with everything ok.

Do you think if you actually told him you're so unhappy that you've actually thought things may be better if you split up, it may shock him into sorting his priorities out?

natandjacob · 21/07/2011 18:14

we have touched upon the subject but i've never really gone in to detail of just how fed up i am with it. he makes an effort for a couple of weeks and then boasts about what a good dad he is as if he wants a medal for it, then he loses interest. its a never ending circle!

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/07/2011 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadTasteFlump · 21/07/2011 18:15

Another point here is (I think) you said you're only 22. That's so young to be sitting at home on your own at night every weekend whilst your H is out on the piss having fun. So you've made plenty of big sacrifices of your own to make your family work. What I'm saying is, this isn't just about your H working hard and wanting to have more fun and time for himself - what about you?

He needs to realise that you are only young and your social life shouldn't be over just because you've married & had a baby. Maybe he should be staying at home some nights so you can go out with your friends, and/or do you have anybody who could babysit now and again so you could go out together?

Cocoflower · 21/07/2011 18:15

It sounds a bit like...

Your OH wants to be single...

Im sorry if that harsh....

JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:16

Also, IMO, you should not be responsible for all the housework. Does he do anything around the house?

BadTasteFlump · 21/07/2011 18:17

Xposted with you OP.

Then you need to do more than touch on it - you need to bang it home to him how serious an issue this is. And tell him that making an effort for two weeks is not good enough - things have to change for good, or you may not be around to listen to his boasting anymore!

ENormaSnob · 21/07/2011 18:17

Personally I would let him have all the time off he wants because his arse would be out the door and not coming back.

Ambergambler · 21/07/2011 18:18

DS1's Dad used to be like that. DS is now 12 and over the last year his Dad has finally cottoned on to what he has missed out on. He needs a kick in the backside now. He believes what he's telling you, but there must be a little voice in the back of his head that tells him the truth.
You need to set him straight as he will not change of his own accord. I have taught DP very effectively, he spouted the 'you don't work tripe' so I went on strike, and I didn't do anything. Initially he was confused, but seems to have done the trick rather well. As he noticed things one at a time (no clean clothes, no dinner) I pointed out it couldn't be anything to do with me as I didn't do anything, remember?!

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/07/2011 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieAgain · 21/07/2011 18:21

Exactly Stewie. And a Maid who is on-call 24/7 at that (assuming the baby wakes in the night and she's the one who gets up)

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Al0uiseG · 21/07/2011 18:32

"Sits outside smoking" Tobacco or weed?

AitchGee · 21/07/2011 18:46

Does he spend about £100 on his Friday night with the boys?

Flisspaps · 21/07/2011 18:59

I was going to just post this link for you to show your DH in respect of you not needing time off due to not having a job (as an illustration of what your financial worth would be, not that a reasonable man would need to be shown that) but then read further.

I feel terribly sad for you - it doesn't sound like your DH wants a wife, he wants a cook, cleaner and nanny. I think he sees himself as being 'above' you - he's older, earning and wiser. What it actually makes him is a selfish arse who doesn't value you :(

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