Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To get my 12yo SD to put on a longer top under her midriff revealing crop top?

20 replies

redfoxy · 20/07/2011 16:55

SD was given some clothes yesterday from a neighbour who is 17. SD is quite developed for her age, and tall. She is still 12. She changed after school today into this top which is very short and reveals her midsection, especially when she put her arms up. I consulted with her father about it and we decided she should put on a top to go under it. Especially since she's also wearing super revealing skinny jeans (that were bought for her by her grandparents, we would never have bought them for her, they're super skin tight, and low riding, giving her builders bum when she leans over!)

She stropped and said all her friends dress like this. I don't care, I think she's 12 and can wait to dress like that for a few years at least. AIBU?

OP posts:

OhYouBadBadKitten · 20/07/2011 16:57

YANBU

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 20/07/2011 16:58

yabu - plus you're gonna have bigger things than this to fight about over the years.

you know what they say - pick your battles!

scurryfunge · 20/07/2011 16:59

Have you explained to her why you believe it is unacceptable?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/07/2011 17:02

Do you have powers of veto over SD's clothing, OP? What does her mother say about these clothes? I don't see that you can trample over the wishes of her grandparents either... they bought her the jeans. Can't you just suggest that it would look better with a nice top and remind her that she's only 12. In the scheme of things though, a belly isn't that attractive anyway, however flat it is, and it is just a belly.

I remember being quite gleeful at the inappropriate things I was bought by family members when I was young... and daring my Mum to say I couldn't wear them...

Original poster

redfoxy · 20/07/2011 17:11

Yes, I explained she's still a bit young to reveal so much flesh, life is not all about fashion and "looks", yada yada yada, she's not quite grown up yet, and she will have plenty of time to worry about that stuff when she's older! Don't think it was too out of order to get her to put on a long top underneath?

I just think why do they have to grow up so quick? Or am I railing against the inevitable?

oh, waste of space Mother is not in the picture at all, now that is another very long story but she left SD with us when she was 6 said she'd be back in two weeks and never returned...

We've not really said much about the jeans, don't really mind them too much, maybe just the shock of them with the crop top today!!

OP posts:

StrandedBear · 20/07/2011 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 20/07/2011 18:46

I see your point but like others said- midriff isn't so bad in the grand scheme of things. Maybe instead of telling your SD all the things she can't wear, show her the stuff she could wear. The skinny jeans and midriff baring top do sound a bit much but seperately with other clothes would look ok (probably).

I wish I had someone to tell me what looked good when I was a young teenager (a teenager in general,infact!) I look back at the terrible often tarty stuff I left the house in and cringe like mad

Original poster

redfoxy · 20/07/2011 18:58

Interesting, I'm beginning to see why all her friends are dressed like this and it seems to be acceptable for a 12yo to dress in a revealing fashion. I just can't get my head around it, guess I'm stuck in the dark ages.... Guess maybe I still see her as a very young girl.

With regards to y'all saying pick your battles, surely laying down ground rules now and letting them know what is acceptable and what isn't is quite important so they understand what kind of behaviour is expected at this age. (before the real raging teenage hormones kick in?)

OP posts:

hissingsid · 20/07/2011 19:05

wash it......stretch it.................ruin it.........bin....it

eurochick · 20/07/2011 19:07

Midriff revealing tops were fashionable when I was 11/12 too (late 80s). I look back at pictures of me wearing them and they don't look sexual or grown up at all. But I guess it is how you wear them (back then it was mostly with long tops).

alowVera · 20/07/2011 19:08

Hissingsid. Ditto

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 19:08

Hissing beat me to it - wash it with a red sock, on a 95 deg wash.

Oh What A Shame

But long term, you know you can't stop it forever and I bet you went out in stuff that was tarty as all get out - I know I did

eurochick · 20/07/2011 19:17

Doh. Long skirts not long tops!

Original poster

redfoxy · 20/07/2011 19:21

I don't think I could intentionally ruin it, I would not like someone to do that to my things...

and I know, I feel a wee bit crap about it which is why I posted here, wondering if I've made the right decision... and maybe like I've said, I just still see her as a wee girl and not grown up at all...

I am really not looking forward to the teenage years... Overall she's a lovely girl, does well in school, but has issues with her self esteem with regards to her situation with her mother, and I can just see it snowballing during her teenage years... I'm at odds whether to be more strict with her to give her clear boundaries or not and hope she makes the right choices. Don't suppose anyone knows??? Anyone...

OP posts:

ZombiePlan · 20/07/2011 20:42

Have you actually seen the kind of clothes her friends are wearing? She moght just be pulling the "everyone else is allowed" line, but it might actually be true. TBH I'd be guided by that a bit. I don't think you should try to make her wear clothes that are far more conservative than most of her peer group's clothes.

gerardway · 20/07/2011 20:53

DD (13) has those funny t-shirts that go up at the front showing her midriff. I was unsure but decided to go with the flow. She wears them with skinny jeans but I far prefer having a daughter that wears those than mini skirts! Like someone else said you are going to have to start choosing your battles. It's so hard watching your little girl growing up. I let my DD (with my help) dye her hair today sobs uncontrollably

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 21:00

I have had a thought. Has she worn it "out" yet? Maybe if she wears it "out" and her friends see it, they might tell her to put a t-shirt on under it and she might listen to them?

Otherwise, do you know a cool hip and trendy 18 or so older girl who you could get to talk to her?

LittleBoSqueak · 20/07/2011 21:22

If you think it is inappropriate don't let her wear it!! I would not let my 11 year old. I don't care what other children are wearing- she is a child not an adult!

However having said that I put a lot of effort into choosing clothes with her that we BOTH like and she often recieves compliments from adults and her peers.

mum0ftw0 · 20/07/2011 21:36

Exactly, pick your battles.

manticlimactic · 20/07/2011 23:11

My DD is 15 and has some rather short tops (also they have ripped bits at side). I said my first ever 'you're not going out like that!' the other week. One thing I never thought I would say but she puts on a little cami top underneath to cover her bra up if she goes out after we had a sensible non-shouty discussion. In the house she doesn't bother so I don't fuss. She thinks she's getting away with a bit of rebellion

Flip