Daddy to be, expecting too much?!

[YummyMummy2Bee]

Im 7+3 with my first child and both me and my partner are very excited. However, i keep noticing myself snapping at him and not appreciating him enough. I thought he'd understand my emotions are everywhere but he really takes it to heart. Also, when i'm feeling very low and sick, he still expects me to live normally, washing up, cooking dinner etc, when i feel like i just want to lay around the house. Am i being unreasonable? x

my main side effect has been exhaustion OP so I get where you are coming from.

Sit down and fully articulate to him what you are feeling because he prob just doesn't understand how tiring it can be.

Now I am in my third trimester my exhaustion has kicked back in and it really sucks so I get how frustrating it can be if he doesn't get it and expects you to carry on as normal.

yabu for your username, sorry! boak, change it!

but first PG are a funny old time, just remeber you are PG, not ill! try and be normal and dont over use the hormonses excuse

good luck

Have changed my username, as requested (didn't see it as any harm, but never mind!)

I agree that i know he cares when he takes it to heart, but i do always apologize for my wrongs, and i try my hardest to not let my hormones get the better of me. I think i have a bit too much on my shoulders atm, with flat hunting, working, social life, and my sickness, i'd just like a bit of help from other half! Will be having a chat with him tonight to come to an agreement. Thanks :)

You are not expecting too much to expect him to take an equal share in the cooking and other household tasks. You should expect that of him baby or no baby. What household tasks do you each do? It would probably good to get this as sorted as possible now before the baby comes and makes everything more complicated.

In all fairness, we are equally lucky with housework as we are living with my parents atm. I am 18 years old and moved back home about 6 months ago. We just have to cook our own dinner, and tidy up after ourselves but i still find myself tiding up after him. He is a smoker, and insists he needs a cigerette straight after dinner, whereas i like the washing up to be done asap! Things will be alot better when we have our own place!!

Every smoker insists on a ciggerette straight after dinner. Try letting him have his ciggerette first, then dishes straight after that.

Can I ask how old you partner is? This might be why your both finding this hole thing difficult. My DP and I were in exactly the same situation. Pregnant with DC1 when she was 18 and we had to move into her parents house.

Yeah i should let him really, its just the smell makes me sick, and i smoked up until i was pregnant so i should understand, but i don't!

My OH is 22, been together roughly 18months, baby not planned, but definately not unwanted!!

OK, so theoretically he should give up with you, but it's hugely unlikely. Try it. It just might help.

I know what you mean. DC1 was completely unplanned, but we don't love him any less for it. The only difference was that we'd only been together for a few months.

I don't know if he feels the same as I did, but I admit that the first time I wasn't quite as good a partner as I can be now. I had barely any experience with pregnancy, and knew nothing of any of this tiredness. I'd never had to look after anyone before, really, and here she was depending on my support. And I was scared. It wasn't anything to do with not wanting the baby, it was just that I was afraid of being a shite father. Of not being ready. I heard off plenty of people that young parents are no good, and it scares you. But it's not true. Just look at some of the success stories on here. Plenty of us have made it and become good parents dispite our age.

I don't know if any of this applies to you (and I've gone off on a tangent a bit), but back then I wasn't sure how to explain this without making DP think that I wouldn't want the baby. And all I can say is that when I held that baby for the first time, the fear melts away. I just forgot it and realised that we could do it. And now here we are 6 years later with DC3 getting ready to make an appearence.

Blimey, people have been pretty rude in the comments about your username, OP. Take no notice. I have seen far worse. No doubt halftermhero looks like Angelina Jolie and always will...

Agree about letting him have the fag first after dinner (at least till he gives up) and then doing the washing up. If this is your main household task then 1) you're very lucky, and 2) seems only fair to me that you take it in turns and get a night off every other night.

It is still a good idea to talk about the division of household chores in advance of getting your own place and the baby's arrival. My ante-natal class included filling in a table about who would do hoovering, feeding baby etc - me, him, or shared. It's not meant to be set in stone but it gets you thinking.

"Blimey, people have been pretty rude in the comments about your username, OP"

Obviously jealous that no one calls them a Yummy Mummy.

good luck OP! I was semi joking about changing your name. anyway try and chill its a funny one being PG for the first time, but relax, try and enjoy and dont let the PG hormones take over. good luck xxxx

I'm just at the last hurdle of my 1st pg and I found the first trimester the worst by far. My ex wasn't hugely supportive and we didn't live together so I felt quite unstable. I wasn't expecting the hormones to be quite so crazy from as early as week 7 but found that they were fairly uncontrollable - probably didn't help that we hadn't been together long and he wasn't very committed, which I could sense.

All I can say is that the "crazy" urge does go and soon you won't find yourself over analysing everything he says/does. The second tri is relatively lovely - you start getting a proper bump, usually get hunger back and for me at least the hormones stabilised a lot. Proud to say I haven't actually cried at all since the end of the first trimester/very start of second! It does get better.

Try to figure out the things which stress you out the most. Explain as much as you can to your partner why and how these things get on your norks (even if it is just "I'm being overly OCD at the moment, as you may have guessed!" ) just to let him know you need extra support, not him turning into a nervous wreck as well!

Good luck and sorry for the long post. If all else fails a nice bubble bath with music cheered me up :)

as someone who had such bad morning sickness i was signed off work with first three babes and unable to get out of bed due to exhaustion/sickness - i recommend you follow you instincts. I found i was more sick the more i pushed myself. i could hardly eat anything or move. thankfully my DH was understanding - although there were a handful of women who were less than supportive. they didn't 'get' morning sickness till they had it badly themselves! your DH sounds like he isn't understanding or supportive. if he was ill - I'm sure you would expect let him rest and recover.

I'd second the "less than supportive" women - surprising how judgemental other women can be, especially over the hormones. If people didn't have MS or hormones with their pg then they can be ruthless. I had a woman saying I was blaming EVERYTHING on hormones, which simply wasn't true (it was my failing relationship was all! ) - ignore these people, they simply don't know what it feels like.

Buy him this expectant father book. It's funny, to the point and will help him get to grips with everything. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0091929792/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=103612307&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0716020173&pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_r=0C1SJDC38ZDEF252DE08