To think this type of helicoptering is OTT at kids parties?

[minxofmancunia]

I'm prepared to be flamed about this, I know a lot of parents like to hyper supervise every single calorie and morsel that passes their childs lips otherwise....oh i don't know hell might freeze over or something but surely you can back off at a party??

One of the reasons I send dh with dd to parties rather than go myself is because I find the anxious, hectic, hyper controlling helicoptering of other parents too much to bear esp at the mealtime. So what of they just eat a handful of doritos 3 breadsticks and a piece of cake? It's ONE MEAL. It's a PARTY.



Dh went to a party at a play centre recently, one that's renowed for having healthy good food, carrot sticks proper baker chips, pitta bread, hummus etc. It was for a 5 year old. every parent bar him stood "OVER" their child monitoring and co-ercing every, single, mouthful and flapping if they didn't take adequate intake of grapes/veg etc. Above anything else i actually think it's embarrassing. get a grip people.

At my dds 5th party I'll be asking that they're left. No staying and special GENUINE dietry requirements aside I ain't monitoring them all at food time.

AIBU, I'm I a terrible mummy, benign neglectful harridan?

Oh and BTW I work in child health and am fully aware of opinions amongst my colleagues and myself who think that this kind of parenting can actually contribute to food issues in adolescence which i believe to be true.

[pigletmania]

If dd did not have such problems i would be more of a lazy heridan

[pigletmania]

Oh when dd and i go out, i get her a Happy Meal complete with the dreaded chips nuggets and ahhhhhhh COKE!!!!!

[pigletmania]

so shoot me, she does not want any bloomin, apple fingers or grapes fgs

[Carrotsandcelery]

I have to say I have never seen coke served at a party though merci although I agree I would be in big trouble if someone gave it to ds (dh did it once and we still remember it well )

My dcs are vegetarians so I used to hover a bit when they were smaller to tell them what was and wasn't veggie.

They could do this for themselves once they were 4 or 5 though.

[mercibucket]

yeah we get the coke too, but not after 6 any more, having learnt our lesson with hyper dd staying up til eleven bouncing off the walls and ceilings. omg was horrendous. never ever again

[twinklingfairy]

If I stayed at a party, which I haven't done for a few partys now (DD is nearly 5) I would have tried to make/encourage her eat some savoury before she had some sweets.
But once I saw that she had some savoury, or I helped her to get some (if it was at the opposite end of the table) I would back off and leave her to it.
Until she asked for some help to get the much deserved crap, then I would help again, then retreat.

God I hope I wasn't viewed as a helicopter parent cos I did it that way.

It is nice to chat though and I could be blamed a little for helping to clear the table, but I only picked when the children began to slow down, honest.

Leaving her there was nice though. Time out. Yes!
Hope she ate some good stuff but I am very much doubting she did.
ah well.

I do think it woudl be better if party food could be presented in Savoury, then rubbish, rather than all out at once.
Come on, which one of us could resist the cake over the dry cheesy sandwich?

[perpetualsucker]

I was going to say, 'Come up to Manchester. You won't find that type of thing here.' till i saw your name. I live in Salford, have attended kids' parties at the establishment you mention and never once seen a single parent try to stop their child eating only cakes (actually most kids except mine choose to have some fruit etc. anyway). I think this sort of thing is much more likely to happen in affluent/bohemian circles. That's why I like living here.

[FuzzpigFourFiveSix]

YANBU. I'm pretty moderate generally, I think I might find the hovering quite amusing and have to stifle my giggles.

[danniclare]

Stop them making themselves sick by all means, but for * sake its a party, don't make them eat quotas of health foods.

[FunkyChicken]

I'm quite happy for my ds (4) to eat whatever is going at a party but I might have seemed 'helicopter' at a party recently as I didn't know any of the other parents, am quite shy and to be honest can't be arsed making small talk with the other parents. I did hover near him as I felt slightly less like a spare part then! (It was not the kind of party I could just leave him at as it was some distance from our home and all the other parents were staying)

[piprabbit]

I am so glad that someone has started this thread - hovering over DCs at party meals is something I find very annoying.

The worst aspect is that there are so many parents hovering, whipping away plates to offer to their DCs, crowding over the table etc. etc. that even the kids who are capable of helping themselves and eating nicely become intimidated and give up trying to feed themselves. Then the hoverers assume that my DC need helping and that I am a bad mummy for leaving them to fend for themselves.

FFS - teach your children to ask each other for what they want, help each other reach the food they want and to take no more than they will eat and then leave them to it.

[ilovedora27]

I have never been to a kids party where they have served posh stuff like carrot sticks and hummus tbh.

[Chandon]

I live in a very middle class, posh even, area in the South and have never experienced this.

The kids usually stuff themselves on cupcakes, crisps and sausages. The mums and dads chat. And when looking at the uneaten "healthy stuff" someone might say:"oh well..." and we eat it ourselves.

The only parent I know who "monitors" her kid's intake is myself with DS1 who is just underweight and would maybe just nibble some crisps or a carrot (he doesn't like sweet stuff) and I might try to persuade him to eat a slice of pizza or some chips (I want CALORIES into that boy, but that's a whole different issue!).

[mwsarah]

I have been known to helicopter but only to make sure DS eats something filling. Usually parties are over lunch/dinner times so if DS only eats a couple of Wotsits and a fairy cake and spends the rest of the time running round like a headless chicken then I know he will be starving and grouchy later.

Making sure DS eats a couple of sandwiches on top of the crap saves him whinging and whining later :)

[wideawakenurse]

I know you have said that your thoughts do not apply to the parents of children with allergies, but how do you know how has or does have allergies.

DS has multiple serious allergies. When we go to toddler group and I can feel the judging from others when I give him a special biscuit instead of a custard cream
from the tin.

Whilst they are many over protective parents, some that you judge may well be the exceptions to your rules.

[wideawakenurse]

Sorry, should read who has or does not have allergies.

[musicposy]

I'm so out of date here. The parents stay? Why?

For those people who say they need to know the families better first, FGS, what do you think they're going to do to your child? Murder them at a kids party? Has this ever happened? The neglectful likely-to-murder-their-kids parents probably aren't bothering to organise parties for them, and they're often held at some public centre anyway.

My elder DD is 15, youngest 11, and by the age of 4, no one would have dreamed of staying. They'd have been thought very weird and precious if they did. My DD1 has a very severe peanut allergy and even then I didn't stay with her, just left her box and told the host not to let her have nuts.

When did all this change?

[ilovedora27]

musicposy - Most parents I know stay at the parties for some alcohol, food and to chat.

[exoticfruits]

YANBU. At 5yrs I would expect them to drop and leave. I would be firm, put it on the invitations. Put the food out and let them help themselves. (only take into account someone with a very nervous DC or allergies)

[exoticfruits]

Don't let them over the front door-cheerful take in DC and wave off.

[ragged]

I want to say I've never met these parents, either, but then I probably am one?

[ragged]

SIGH, I've never been to a children's party where alcohol was served.

[ilovedora27]

ragged - have you not? That seems strange everywhere you can have a kids party serves alcohol here soft play centres, hotels, peoples houses etc.

[wordfactory]

Oh Lord this reminds me of a party my DC attended and the birthday boy's Mum had layed out a plate for each child containing a cheese and salad sandwich on brown bread, carrot sticks, chunks of cucumber, cherry tomatoes and an organic yogurt.

Mine looked at me in horror as if to say, 'we eat this shit all the time.'

Like someone upthread I always did a food box including a sarnie, a bag of crisps, a cupcake and a mini pack of jammy dodgers or iced gems. Everyone was offered a juice box. Job done.