To issue the following rules to my dd's for the summer holidays

[brassick]

Bit of background. Dd's are 12 and 14 and therefore will be left alone for some days during the holidays. I am fed up to the back teeth of coming home after a hard day at work to find the house a tip and the basics not done. So I have come up with the following rules, and plan to put them up on the noticeboard / fridge at home for all to see. It is necessary to spell things out to them, as they are very good at pleading ignorance "you didn't say we can't use the floor as a rubbish bin" (for example)

"1.You will be given £20 per week spending money. This is to cover all extra food / snacks you wish to eat, all activities you wish to take part in, and includes costs for travelling to and from activities. If you need extra money, you will need to fund it from your pocket money. This money will also be given for weeks you are away from home [staying with both sets of grandparents for a week each].

2.Food for lunches will be provided. No money is to be taken from the Spar box [box we have for day to day grocery money] for lunches. If you don't wish to eat what is provided, you should use your own money to buy lunch.

3.No friends are to come into the house without agreeing it with a parent first. If you aren't able to get hold of a parent to get permission, then you must not have friends round. If friends do come round, they should be entertained in the children's sitting room, and not in the living room.

4.There are certain chores that should be carried out every day. If necessary, a rota can be established to determine who should carry out the chores on each day. Chores MUST be completed by 5pm. If you are going to be out of the house until after 5pm, chores should be completed before going out.

Chores are:
Emptying dishwasher (if relevant)
Removing crockery (plates, bowls, cups, glasses, cutlery) from all rooms and putting into the dishwasher
Clearing all rubbish from all rooms and putting into relevant bins
Picking up clothes and taking to relevant bedrooms
Putting shoes into shoe cupboard
Tidying up anything else left lying around in inappropriate places (books, magazines, laptops, shopping bags etc, etc)
Checking the milk supply and purchasing from Spar if necessary
Bringing in empty bins / recycling bins on a Friday
Preparing the tea when requested
Any other ad-hoc chores that you may be asked to do on a daily basis"

AIBU? Is there anything obvious I have forgotten?

Well we had a discussion about this over the dinner table tonight and it doesn't seem to have gone down badly at all with the dd's.

Just need to get it printed and displayed so they can't pretend they "forgot"...

Definitely revoke the money if they don't do it.

But with a list of chores like that I'd be wishing I could stay in school for the summer.

That sounds fine, not too much at all! You are right to spell it all out at the start, they often just don't see what needs doing.
I used to get annoyed on coming home from work to find the house awash with plates and glasses and the beds unmade.
Ooh- you could add "tidy bed and put own dirty clothes in washbasket ON A DAILY BASIS AND NOT TWO WEEKS WORTH AT A TIME JUST WHEN I HAVE GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THE LAUNDRY BASKET!
They will probably quite enjoy it..

It's great, all normal stuff, barring preparing Tea. I'd leave that off why should children prepare dinner? I done that at 14 every single day, peeling spud, putting meat in oven etc., Its a parents job to make dinner not a childs.

They are old enough to make tea! Why on earth should parents have to do it after a day of work when the children have been at home all day, and having their activities funded? It doesn't have to be gourmet. I quite enjoyed making a meal for the family at that age. When would you have them start cooking Fabby? When they leave home? Because I can guarantee a child who has never had to cook at home will live off takeaways and ready meals once they have to fend for themselves, they'll be clueless!

I agree JellyBeans, I am starting to introduce DS (12) to the joys of the hob (he does a mean bacon sandwich). When he complains because he is becoming a right little Kevin I point out that he is not a child but a trainee adult, and it is my job to prepare him for independence to which he rolls his eyes buts stops complaining. I don't actually remember being taught to cook, but I was completely capable when I lived by myself aged 19 onwards, so it obviously happened and was so 'normal' it didn't stand out IYSWIM.

I think it's fair enough though the tone is a bit confrontational perhaps. My mum used to go to work and leave us all in the holidays with a short list of chores, and we were expected to take it in turns to cook lunch for all 3 kids and my dad (who didn't take part in the rota ).

It worked well, we grew up being able to cook and leaving home was fairly pain free cos we could do the basic household stuff.

I have similar, but age-appropriate, rules for my primary age dc. Especially about the house being left a tip, they play all over the place with a lot of craft stuff, games, jigsaws, rubbish all over the place, and they only get pocket money (or dinner) if they clear it up.

i cant believ you are going to give a 12yr old 20 a week, on top of pocket money. thats far to much in my opinion.

i would only give them the money once jobs were completed though, otherwise they wont get done!

Yes, great set of rules. My dds are the same sort of age.

£20 each per week is v v generous. That in itself should be enough of an incentive to get them off their backsides and think a bit more.

will you give me the cash if i did the chores?

sounds good and fair to me.im assuming £20 is to share between them not each?

The £20 cash might not go that far if it includes holiday activities that parents at home might be taking their kids to anyway - swimming, cinema, trips out, bus fares, that sort of thing. And it's a lot cheaper than paying for holiday childcare or formal clubs.

I'm thinking ahead here as my 11 and nearly 10 yos are moving into this stage of being at home all day in the holidays while we're out at work.

I think your chores list is fine BUT I can see a problem.... what if one of your daughters abides by it and the other one doesn't? Is the abiding daughter going to 'cop it' for the house degenerating into mess because the other one doesn't do whatever it is she needs to do?

Can you agree with your daughters and split the chores so that you now who has done what, or more importantly, hasn't?

Do both girls get £20 a week each even if the chores aren't done? If so, what's the motivation?

I'm watching with interest... :)

It's very similar (but adjusted for inflation) to what my mum used to do with me on summer holidays.

She left me a small amount each day (think it was something like £3 but this was back when you could get the bus to town for 10p as a kid) with one household chore that she expected done in order to have earnt that money - things like polishing the lounge, hoover downstairs, clean round the bathroom (we weren't posh enough to have a dishwasher). She also made sure I had the 6 week summer holiday activity pass the local leisure centre ran the scheme of so I could get a swim for like 50p or something. If I didn't do the job she asked me to do that day - I didn't get the money the following day.

Did me no harm - got her housework done, and got me the money to get me out of the house. I don't think your chores are unreasonable - at least when they get homes of their own they'll have a clue (cough... unlike my berlumming husband).

Thanks for all the responses. To address some of the points raised:

I think it is my duty to teach them how to fend for themselves, which includes things like making (simple) meals, keeping a house tidy, budgeting etc. We are lucky enough to have a cleaner who comes in once a week, so there is no real cleaning to do, just the day to day stuff listed in my OP. I feel very strongly that I don't want them lying around all day on their PCs while me and dh are in work, and then coming home to tidy up, make food etc.

Re the amount of money - it is £20 each, and it will be dependent on them doing the chores. I know it sounds generous, but as Maryz has said, things soon mount up. They are incredibly lucky that dh is a cinema manager, so one of the things that it seems most teens spend a lot of money on is not on their list of things they have to fund, however, a trip to the nearest "shopping" city costs about £4 in fares, which is 20% of their money gone straight away. I REALLY hate continually handing over money for the next trip / day out / etc - this way, they have to learn how to budget, and I can also budget for the extra cost of the summer holidays - although I give them £15 per week to cover school dinners in term time (£3 per day), so this isn't too much more painful.

In terms of if one abides by it and the other doesn't (from that comment, I assume you've met my daughters?!! ), this is why I think I will make it a rota or specific responsibilities rather than just hoping they get on with it. That is a recipe for rage from dd1 and defiance from dd2...

Glad no-one thinks I am an unreasonable monster for this...

I think its s great idea and would put the list up on my own fridge if my dd would read it (shes 1yr old )
let us know how it works out.

The chores seem a lot to me because we don't do a lot of that stuff on a daily basis. I'd just say "tidy up your own mess in communal areas" and the chores would be whatever they do normally.

I think YANVU. They are kids.

You expect them to amuse themselves all day and also tidy up.

I would just say - no friends without permission and pocket money only awarded if house is as tidy at end of day as it was at beginning.

Yes, I would expect 14 and 12 year olds to amuse themselves all day and tidy up after themselves. Who wouldn't?

Got to say that as a family, we are all hard-wired to take the piss out of notices and lists of rules. At best they get defaced...

But that's not to say it is acceptable for you to come home to complete chaos although at 12 and 14, your dds must surely know that it is never acceptable to use the floor as a rubbish bin and you shouldn't need to spell it out.

When my dcs were of similar age I didn't write lists of rules for two reasons, one as above, but also because invariably, there's no such thing as a comprehensive list and a lazy creative teenager will always focus on the omissions rather than just get on with the listed tasks. I was, however, completely immoveable about certain expectations which never varied. These were:

• all washing up to be done by the time I come home from work (I cared little if this was in the 10 minutes it took to walk from the station!)
• all communal areas clear of "stuff" (this including unrelated people unless by prior arrangement)
• no eating food that was clearly intended for the evening meal (defined by precisely where it was stored lest any friend "accidentally" assume that 4 lamb chops and some new potatoes made for a handy lunchtime sandwich)
• all basic supplies replenished since I was deeply unforgiving if there wasn't any milk left for my home-coming cup of tea which leads me to...
• kettle on and a pot of tea made on my arrival

Such money as I left was a daily, rather than weekly amount too.

I'm fairly certain, in fact I know, that this wonderful system was abused at times. But the main thing was that I did come home to a relatively tidy house that wasn't full of teenagers and washing up. How they achieved this I'd still prefer not to know.

I am embarrassed to say I don't think I would have done any of that without a huge fuss and a fight

I feel sorry for my poor mum!

List looks great though.

The chores sound a bsolutely fair to me. The extra £20 a week is extortionate!

Maryz we are definitely on the same wavelength - saying "tidy up" to my two has no effect at all. Giving a list, no matter how infuriating to them, ensures that what I need to be done gets done.

Pandemoniaa you are correct, my dd1 in particular will find the loopholes in everything, which is why I have started with lists so that I can cover off the things that are important to me.

I will report back as the holidays progress...