to only want to adopt?

[BeAsBrutalAsYouWant]

I've been here for a while and think this forum is tremendous entertainment. I also think it's the one of the few places where I'd get an honest and informative answer. I'm a bloke, and feel very, very strongly that I don't want my own children, but am extremely keen to adopt. The strongest reason (there are many) is my feeling that I don't want to bring a life into the world when I could help another that's already here. That and I know I would feel the same way about an adopted child as I would my own.

The problem is I'm at an age (early 30's) where in general it seems women will either:

• want their own children, or more children if they already have some.

• not want children at all and are career focused (which doesn't tally with what I want out of life anyway - if I have kids, I want us both to spend proper time with them).

I'm totally open to the idea of being with someone who already has kids and being a stepdad, but not if they want more of their own. Some of my friends/family of both sexes say it's either admirable, stupid or baffling, but pretty much all say I'm living in cloud cuckoo land. I do feel like it stops me from getting close to people too, as I don't want to lead anyone on only for them to find this out later.

AIB totally ridiculous? If I could, I'd adopt as a singleton, but I understand that's really quite difficult. I've often thought what I want is going to be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Please don't take this as an attack either on people having kids - it's just how I feel!

Feel free to ignore, flame etc - Namechange for the hell of it. Thanks for any advice you want to give.

spookshow - Nope - no vasectomy. There er...hasn't been a lot of need recently!

Thanks once again for all the support and letting me know that my feelings aren't as silly as some others have made out. My housing situation wouldn't be ideal at the moment (shared house), but that's easily changed once I know that it would be OK.

I totally know where you're coming from. In fact I'd go so far to say I'd be over the moon if my dss feel the same when they're older. Except for the fact it'd be difficult to find a partner of the same ilk perhaps? I too only ever wanted to adopt. Then hormones kicked in big style and I had dss. But I agree, much better to help those already here if you can? Good luck.

You should do it. You can change childrens lives for the better, they could grow up and do something truly amazing because they had a caring dad (dad = the person who loves and cares for you, not necessarily the biological father)
Good luck :)

You and KikkiK should get together. There, done! :o

I don't think YABU. I didn't really want biological children either, but ended up with one. He's everything to me now, but I did feel that way at one time.

of course yanbu! if it is something you really want, you can do so as a single dad?

the only thing i would say is, meet someone who shares your ideals

bugger that - kikkiK - I saw him first but am thinking of a polite way of saying "how short exactly?" whilst sussing out whether he likes older women

Kewcumber, it's OK, I prefer older men!