To wonder what job DH expects me to get!

[MugglesandLuna]

DS2 starts school in spetember, and DS has started going on about me going back to work. He says he is joking but I think he is pretending he is joking.

However DS2 has SN and isnt starting school full time. He will be there from 9.30 until 12pm, then there is DD who starts preschool at 9.45, so thats the earliest I can get on my way to work, to return at 12 to pick DS up, then DD at 13.10. Also DS will attend SALT group on a Thursday which I have to take him to, so that completely rules that day out.

I would like to go back to work, but I would think there are many employers that would accept those odd hours!

You say you used to work in a lawoffice, how about seeing if you can so audio work from home (if you have audio skills)? Or see if a local law firm wants a filing clerk a couple of mornings a week?

Tubby- SN, Special needs, the child is in reciept of Disability Living Allowance middle rate (at least).

My DH works 80+ hours a week because he wants to - he enjoys his job and everything that comes with it.

However this makes me getting a job even harder. There is no-one else to care for DS because its such a huge job. We get 4 hours respite a month for now (which we pay £15.50 an hour for). but some weeks DH isnt here (working in London or Kent) and other weeks he wont finish until 9pm.

I would like a job, but its so hard. DS still isnt sleeping through so I am only getting 5 hours sleep a night on average. I know the stress of school is going to make things hard for a while.

I dont think DH knows what caring for DS is like on a full time basis, or even the other children.

next time he says it, say well drop your hour darling and i will be happy to get a part time job :)

You need this out with him.

As said there will be future appointments and you need to be involved with the plans for your DS.

Effectively you are working, you are just not bringing in an income, outside of carers allowance.

It is a matter of priorities.

Wow.
Some people really don't get that being a carer is a full time job do they?

DS2 has been at school for 2 years and STILL isn't full time, despite being well over statutory school age.

When you have kids with SN your entire life is different.

He wants me to work so we can 'go on better holidays'.

He is lovely really, but so money driven. His dad was the same.

your dh is being unreasonable. If your child has special needs then i am assuming (and i admit i know nothing about this) that the normal childcare arrangements (childminder etc) would be incredibly difficult so i fail to see how you can be expected to find a job in the hours you say!

You cannot both be money driven when you have a disabled child, unless you can earn vast amounts over very little time eg Jordan.

Perhaps the extent of your DS's care needs haven't quite sunk in.

Does he know anything about the SN system and the commitment that a disabled child needs (although it is a joy, alongside)?

Perhaps he is in denial, to cope?

You need to talk, it is not the right time for you to think about going back to work but if you do want a life outside of your domestic situation there are options.

OP also you would get more support on the SN boards.

you have a job.

Do you ever get time for yourself? School will give you time to get some sleep, haircuts, that kind of thing?

What about if you sat down with him and said right, I've been thinking about this and you're right. I should look for a job. Now. We need to sort out the practicalities.

And then comes your list.

How many hours will you work
What will these hours be
what will the childcare arrangements be
Who will take your child to appointments
Who will have your child if he is sick
How much, realistically, will you earn
How much will childcare cost
How much will emergency care cost
Which employers are likely to be ok with you rushing off whenever there's a need
etc etc etc

Make that list loooooooong. Expect him to come up with a plan for each of those things.

If you get halfway through it before it dawns on him that it's a stupid idea that would cost more than it would bring in, I'll strip naked and dance the fandango round Tesco.

You said he works for himself, is there any possibility that you can help him with his business? That way you wouldn't actually earn money but take some pressure off him. And you might be able to do admin work or whatever whenever you are available. Or take over phone calls etc?

Actually, the sort of job that involves stripping naked and dancing the fandango round Tesco would probably be one of the few that fit the bill!

I think people would pay me to keep my clothes on :o

Well if that's the case I would totally go for that then. Just make yourself a sign stating that you will perform a reverse striptease if they all pay you

I think the self check outs would be the best are for this somehow

I wouldn't bother. It's never brought me more in than it's cost me in fines...

I think he needs to book some time off work and spend a week looking after the DC - basically doing everything that you do, including getting up in the night. It's madness for him to think you can go to work, when you have a child who needs you in the way yours does. He sounds utterly clueless and until that changes, you won't get anywhere.

I have no patience with men who haven't got a fucking clue just what looking after their DC actually entails. He has a child with SN - he should know everything there is to know. What would happen if you were ill and he had to take care of him alone.

i can see it's really not practical for you to work with your DH choosing to work such long hours and working away a lot. yes i agree that he needs to maybe step into your shoes for three days to see what is involved with having SN kids.

(((hugs))) Mugglesandluna, I was in your position and went back to my job as a secondary school teacher. We used Au Pairs as back up childcare, plus cleaner. First my physical health ebbed away, but it was when my mental health took a battering that I took notice, gave up work and became SAHM. I learnt the hard way that if you don't care for yourself, you can't care for your cared for. Use some of those precious 8 hours to do things for you - whatever rocks your boat. If nothing else, get some rest. Anyway, holidays become a completely new ball game as your child with SN gets older.