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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let my children playout after what happened

50 replies

gillhugh86 · 18/07/2011 11:08

Hi im new to this site and just looking for some advice.
Yesterday my daughter who is 8 was sat on the doorstep with her friend just chatting at about 4 in the afternoon.when she came running in to tell me that a man had shown her his 'widge' and was playing with it at this time her dad ran out of the house and chased the man but unfortunatly didnt catch him as the man had a van parked around the corner, obviously we called police who have been fantastic with us. The man not only exposed himself but my daughter said he had walked up and down the road seveal times and was staring at them before he decided to expose himself, he not only exposed himself he masturbated whilst staring at the 2 girls.
and with him having a van parked around the corner it terrifies me , as it is one of those things that doesnt happen to you but have now realised it can happen so easily and can happen to anyone.
I have reassured her and after lots of cuddles and a sleepless night she seems back to her chatty self.

My problem now is i dont want to allow her to playout with her friends, im already strict on how far she is allowed to go and now after this has happened on our own doorstep am i being unreasonable to want her to stay in. I dont want it to be punishing her for what this man has done but im at a loss of what to do .

Any advice will be appreciated and i apologise if ive posted in the wrong area xx

OP posts:

Original poster

gillhugh86 · 18/07/2011 13:06

thanks guys... police have just been back out and they have the van on cctv they havent gone into great detail but they seem confident they have the right van. They are being great and taking it very serious which is great and said that my DD will need to go for a video interview hopefully on friday which im slightly worried about as me or her dad are not allowed in the room when she does this.

im going to keep reassuring her that she did the right thing and she is a very clever girl so i will be sitting down and going through stranger danger again, also the headteacher has just called me back he s doing a stranger danger assembly in the school before they break up for holidays.

all your advice does help, i know im being unreasonable about not wanting her to play out but i guess thats my natural instinct as a mum.

This happened in cheetham hill area in manchester and it was a 40-50 year old man white with blondey grey hair. My daughter gave a fantastic description of him and even described his trainers in great detail...very observant :) I am so proud of her and i hope that my fears dont affect her confidence .

OP posts:

zipzap · 18/07/2011 14:43

Scary stuff. good to hear the school are doing a stranger danger assembly - are the police going to be involved?

In addition to what everybody else has said a couple of things. Could you get your dd a really loud whistle that she could keep in her pocket and if she were ever to see something bad happening like this she could blow it and you would be able to sprint out of the house straight away as would others maybe, plus scare the person off. She sounds sensible and wouldn't use it inappropriately.

Other thing is to start as a family playing the numberplate game when you're out in the car or walking. Looking at the letters in the number plates and seeing if you can make a silly phrase from it. Helps to make it second nature to look at number plates and thinking of phrases also helps to fix it in the memory. Probably good for school too and thinking of words or rhymes or however you decide to do it - lots of variants once you get into it like silly food dishes or crazy sports teams etc.

DrunkenDaisy · 18/07/2011 15:24

What's a 'widge'?

Original poster

gillhugh86 · 18/07/2011 16:22

Thank you @zipzap they are some really good ideas, i have a whistle already and will give it too her also the number plate game is really good and i shall begin doing that with both my children.

I dont know wether the police are going to be involved in the assembly i dont think so but the headteacher said he will do as a safety precaution for the holidays and will not name names so my daughter doesnt feel uncomfortable.he has informed all the local schools too.

does anyone know of any good websites for my DD to look at regarding stranger danger?

@drunkendaisy do i seriously have to explain to you what a widge is?

OP posts:

Original poster

gillhugh86 · 19/07/2011 22:53

just an update for anyone thats interested The police arrested a man early hours of this morning and they are very confident they have the right man. Which is great news. Apparently he is known to the police and has done this before. Very happy with how the police have been dealing with it and they get alot of bad rep but i feel they have done everything in there power and have kept us updated through the whole thing .

I know this is not yet over and there is going to be alot of tough days to come if my dd has to testify in court she will be cros examined by his barrister which scares me but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

DD has her video interview on friday and although she is nervous she is a very stronge girl and wants to go ahead with it as se doesnt want this animal to hurt or scare anyone else.
so proud of my DD :)

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 19/07/2011 23:31

That's a good result OP.

I have been flashed at 4 times and each time the men were masturbating too -revolting.

hairfullofsnakes · 20/07/2011 04:51

How awful - I agree with the tell everyone in the whole vicinity nit just your street about this so everyone can keep an eye out. I don't blame you for keeping your child in. What an awful dilemma. I hope they catch him.

Sewmuchtodo · 20/07/2011 08:33

What a brave girl!

Original poster

gillhugh86 · 22/07/2011 19:28

she had her video interview today and she did so well... she is being so grown up and brave. she has to do something called viper on monday which is like a id parade but on dvd. She is positive she will pick the right man out.
Just hope he pleads guilty so my baby can move on and just forget it without having to go court.
They have arrested him for this case and 4 other similar crimes. There is 6 little girls all giving evidence at the moment so i hope to god he doesnt make these girls go through the whole ordeal of testifying in court. But he is an animal and more than likely will do. Lets hope they lock him away before he hurts anyone.

OP posts:

QueenOfProcrastination · 22/07/2011 23:08

So glad he's been caught. well done your DD for being so brave and observant. i know others have said this, but my experience makes me want to reinforce how important it is to keep praising your DD and try not to restrict her too much whilst trying to protect her. When I was 13 me and a friend saw a man masterbating in the park. He then followed us from the park and flashed us. It was the first week of the summer holiday and my mum hardly let me out for the rest of the holiday. I know it was because she wanted to protect me, but at the time it felt like a punishment, as though it was somehow my fault so the incident became much more traumatic as I felt guilty and dirty.

Original poster

gillhugh86 · 26/07/2011 19:32

thank you yes we are very proud of the way DD is dealing with it . With great unease i have allowed her to playout but only when she is with her friends which isnt difficult as the neighbour hood is full of kids and she is to stay places where i can see her from the window. She was never allowed to wander the streets anyway but she is very bright and understands the reasons why shes not allowed to go as far as some of her friends.

OP posts:

OrangeHat · 26/07/2011 19:47

Well done to your DD, I hope that they throw the book at this bloke and he gets locked up for a good amount of time.

Also well done for letting her play out - that must have been very difficult - but is so definitely the right thing to do

saggybaps · 26/07/2011 20:25

A huge well-done to your daughter & well-done to the police catching him. Let's hope he gets nailed & that's another dirty perv off our streets.

edam · 26/07/2011 20:29

Blimey well done due all round - to your dd, to the police and to you as well.

Just a word of caution - this is a case of stranger danger but it's important for children to learn about staying safe overall, not just about strangers. Because statistically child abusers tend to pick on children they know or have befriended. There's advice around about how to help children understand staying safe - things like 'if anyone ever says you have to keep a secret from Mummy or Daddy then that's a sign they are doing something wrong, because we don't have secrets except for birthday presents'. CEOPs or NSPCC or Childline have lots of information about this.

maypole1 · 26/07/2011 20:38

How are the girls are they traumatised at all I think maybe a trip to the gp school nurse wouldn't go a miss

edam · 26/07/2011 21:34

I dunno Maypole, equally you don't want to turn something that the kids might be coping with into something big and scary. Maybe gill should take some advice from the NSPCC or Childline first to see whether it's a good idea and how to handle it if so?

Buffy99 · 25/11/2011 21:24

This is a terrifying thread. Really worrying. My 3 year old runs off all the time, thinking it's a game. A few months back, I found some guy trying to get her to walk away with him. I always hated reins, but I found a really good device. It is basically a teddy bear that you strap to the child's belt or shoe, and hold the base unit, so that when the child runs off, the unit alarms you. When I hit the button on the base unit, the teddy bear chirps really loudly and I always know where she is. Has anyone else seen these? A friend recommended it and I cannot believe we all don't have them!!

altinkum · 25/11/2011 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 25/11/2011 21:31

I never needed a contraption like that

My children knew that not holding my hand/holding onto the buggy was non negotiable.

altinkum · 25/11/2011 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moominsarescary · 25/11/2011 21:56

Bloody hell, old thread

MenopausalHaze · 25/11/2011 21:59

WTF with bumping a thread this old? Why DO people do this?

SirBoobAlot · 25/11/2011 22:05

Why on earth do people scroll through to a page that is months old? Really, what is the point.

duckdodgers · 25/11/2011 22:55

Buffy this is another example of a really old thread, Im actually interested in how you found it. Do people really scroll back months and months?

Realisticalusualsuspect · 25/11/2011 22:56

MN is odd atm

I can't cope tbh

but that may be the vodka

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