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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to buy the dress?

21 replies

ReindeerBollocks · 17/07/2011 17:59

I'm having a wedding thingy in four weeks time, and my best friend and bridesmaid is currently pushing 40 weeks pregnant. Wedding planned before friend knew she was pregnant. I had said she didn't need to be bridesmaid but she's never been a bridesmaid, she was rather excited and chose to continue in role.

Thing is, we haven't shopped for a dress yet as obviously it's a tad difficult. I spoke to her last week and I asked what she would like to do dress wise, as I wanted her to be comfortable but happy - mainly comfort as she will still be recovering from the birth. Friend said after the birth she didn't intend to leave the house until the day of my wedding thingy (fair enough, and I agree with her viewpoint). But it leaves me kind of stuck.

I have today seen a beautiful blue dress, which would suit her down to the ground. It is very simple yet elegant, and importantly, an empire line so she looks great without having to worry about the baby weight (and I know she will worry as she is like that). It is in a size which is two sizes bigger than her normal size. Only problem is, it's in the sale and end of line. I'm not bothered by the price but more the fact that if I dither it won't be around and I won't be able to get another one (it's no longer available on line either).

Would it be offensive to buy it without her there though? She has already made it clear she will wear whatever I want but, pregnancy hormones considered, I want her to feel gorgeous (well as gorgeous as you can 4 weeks post partum). I love her to bits and don't want to make her cry by offending her, so should I buy it or wait until the week of the wedding and get something else?

Thought I'd ask here before making a decision, and I am honestly trying to think of her, and not be insensitive.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 17/07/2011 18:06

can u take a pic in the store and send it by phone

MsPlaced · 17/07/2011 18:10

I don't see the problem. She's told you she won't be leaving the house, so she won't be shopping for dresses. Therefore, you have to buy the dress without her being there.
So whats the issue?

diddl · 17/07/2011 18:12

Wouldn´t it be better to wait & see what size she is when she´s had the baby rather than try to guess now?

Original poster

ReindeerBollocks · 17/07/2011 18:17

MsPlaced that's the view DH took, he thinks we should buy it now, as it won't be available in four weeks time.

However I have the same concerns as diddl, if it's too big, or even worse, too small she will be very upset.

I have text asking her and I have a picture to show her when I see her in two days time, but she's not responded as of yet.

I don't want to pressure her, as obviously she has bigger things going on, and I know she isn't interested in the wedding, which is fine. But I really don't want to upset her either by buying a dress she's not happy with.

OP posts:

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/07/2011 18:18

Two sizes bigger than her normal size sounds a bit excessive.

Will you have time to have the dress altered if she snaps back to her pre-pregnancy size by the time of your wedding thingy? Will she consider an empire line style a tad too close to wearing maternity clothes?

I suggest you discuss the dress with her and, if possible, show her some pix.

BTW, what's with this 'wedding thingy' you're having? Is Prince Charles involved in some way? Does Camilla know?

SpecialFriedRice · 17/07/2011 18:19

I would buy it and just tell her you picked something up. Maybe take it round to her house a week before the weeding for her to try it on etc. Then if its naff return it for a refund (provided store has a standard 28/31 day refund policy) and pick up something else.

Original poster

ReindeerBollocks · 17/07/2011 18:22

Yes, I'm secretly marrying Prince Harry, but sssh, it's a secret.

Do you really think two sizes bigger is excessive? This isn't her first child and I know she has gone up a few sizes more than last time. I thought I could get it altered if necessary? (I hope thats possible).

OP posts:

vegetariandumpling · 17/07/2011 18:29

Buy it, if she doesn't like it then sell it on ebay. I assume you think that she'll be offended because it's 2 sizes bigger, and therefore implies that she's big as a house put on weight since the baby. Maybe say to her, 'they only had this size left, so I took a chance and bought it, and anyway, sizes vary so much between different shops don't they, so it might be ok'.

vegetariandumpling · 17/07/2011 18:31

I don't think two sizes is excessive, no.

Oh and congratulations on your 'wedding thingy' Harry's a lucky guy

LadyThumb · 17/07/2011 18:35

Just buy it, then cut the size label out. I'm sure she won't mind.

MsPlaced · 17/07/2011 18:44

are you sure she is two sizes bigger? I wouldn't have needed that 4 weeks after any of my births, many wouldn't.

northerngirl41 · 17/07/2011 19:09

I'd buy it, be prepared to have it altered if it doesn't fit or Ebay it if she doesn't like it... Tell her you've got it then she won't have to worry about what to wear - and also tell her that if she has something else she wants to wear, that's fine too!

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/07/2011 19:09

vegetariandumpling 's idea is great - 'they only had this size left, so I took a chance and bought it, and anyway, sizes vary so much between different shops don't they, so it might be ok'.

It can be altered in the week before the wedding, right? And for altering, better too big than too small.

shortround · 17/07/2011 19:14

i think its a great idea, 2 sizes to big would be too big for some at 4 weeks, but as long as you have a dressmaker on hand that shouldnt cause any worry. (you could always get the dressmaker to take the label out very carefully, before she see's it?) has she replied? does she like it?

honeyandsalt · 17/07/2011 19:35

It sound gorgeous, could you buy it, take it to show her and ebay it if she hates it? Can she BF in it (if she's a BFer)?

To be honest you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, it's well-nigh impossible to choose for other people but you're getting no help with the choice... Can she not online shop with you?

Personally I'd be more inclined to plump for something rewearable, BF-able and with stretch. Like this - in fact all the milkbug dresses are blooming gorgeous. So are these ones from mummylooksfab... actually there's loads. Just google "breastfeeding dresses"

And congratulations on your forthcoming wedding thingy!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 17/07/2011 19:56

I think you should get it, just Ebay it if she doesn't like it. If it's too big most dry cleaners do alterations.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/07/2011 20:39

My concern about the chosen dress being 2 sizes too big than your friend's normal size is that empire line dresses are usually designed to flatter/emphasise the shoulders/bust/decollete area and it may not be easy to alter without, effectively, re-making it which wouldn't be cost effective and may not be able to be achieved in the time available plus I believe that all dresses that aren't strapless should 'hang' from a perfectly fitted shoulderline

Of course everyone's different but, although my boobs got slightly fuller during pregnancy, I didn't need to wear a larger size in maternity wear than my usual dress size - I was size 12 and continued to wear size 12 m.wear and was back into normal size 12 within days IYSWIM.

A wrap dress may be the way to go - the Evita in pewter on the mummylooksfab website that honey's found looks to be an extremely versatile style without screaming 'maternity', and your friend may choose to wear it for other occasions including a possible christening in the near future.

Will there be other bridesmaids at your thingy? Only asking 'cos I hope your friend won't be expected to do a Pippa as a week after birth the press would have needed ultra wide-angled lenses for my arse.

Congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials and elevation to Princess Harry of the Hussars&Huzzas. Needless to say, your secret is safe with me NOW speed dial number inexplicably out of order, wonders how much the Sun will pay for tip-off?

eurochick · 17/07/2011 21:35

The empire line dress sounds lovely. Would you be happy to ebay it if she hates it or it doesn't fit? If she doesn't want to leave the house, could you arrange to get 5 or 6 dresses delivered from an online seller a couple of weeks after the birth and go round while she tries them on and return the ones that don't work?

YellowDinosaur · 17/07/2011 23:01

Tbh I think you friend is being spectacularly unhelpful.

I know she has bigger things on her plate at the moment but clearly you respect this as you have given her the option of backing out of her bridesmaid role and she has said she wants to continue. And while having a baby is a big deal, so is a wedding / wedding thingy.

She is now saying she is not going to leave the house until your wedding. Again, understandable with a newborn baby but how on earth does she expect you to get a dress?

If I were you I'd either tell her your budget and ask her to order something that she likes (assuming you don't have other bridesmaids / spcifications) or just get whatever you like and she will have to lump it. Obviously allow time to get anything altered but this isn't usually all that expensive.

So, in summary, buy the dress you like.

honeyandsalt · 17/07/2011 23:46

The thing is though if the bridesmaid's not happy with the dress it's acutally really stressful! I know this from personal experience :D It seems silly now but there it is.

The Evita is really nice! I really would go for something wrappy/with stretch so that alterations and BFing aren't an issue, there's so little time to go. Even with non-preggo bridesmaids I had a headache with fit on fitted, very traditional dresses.

The Juliet is just gorgeous too. Shiny cardi or wrap and some jewellery, done. I'd be your friend forever if you got that....

CurrySpice · 18/07/2011 00:08

Buy it. If she doesn't like it or it doesn't fit, ebay it. HTH

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