Bit of back story, I was estranged (for lack of a better word) from my mum and her side of the family for over a decade (am late 20's now) and in my workplace I work with family members, with one in a more senior position than me. It's been quite difficult to say no to doing certain things I am not obligated to do at work and to stand up for myself, I fear for rocking the boat as although we all get on I don't feel as though they are a terribly big part of my life having gone so long without contact with them, but I am glad we are all back together. But since doing so the professional side of things got worse, awkwardness and spitefulness and childishness mostly on their part.
I have been signed of sick with stress, a lot of factors involved but work has not made things better, i've not found myself feeling like this before, my mood swings are all over the place and although I have a very supportive DP it's still difficult some days to control my emotions, which are for the most part, irrational. I'm due to see the doctor again this week and am suffering anxiety attacks etc but really don't want to go onto anti depressants (maybe the stigma, I don't know, like I said i've not felt like this before) but am not liking the crying and shaking outbursts I am having. It seems mostly internal and for lack of a better description I've been feeling quite vunerable and wimpy.
Anyway I have been distancing myself from any further ruckus and have been looking for a new job to try and salvage some relationship rather than me feel resentful.
I have seen these family members since and it has been quite stressful for me, I have been accosted on my own and feel guilt tripped into doing things I don't wish to do. The lastest thing is a dinner in a few weeks that I am dreading. I have been leaning on my DP for a lot of support during this time and everytime a slightly awkward subject comes up that I don't wish to discuss it is always in whispers away from anyone else. I realise this makes me seem spineless and pathetic but I am not finding it easy to deal with, I feel like I have been wronged in some way, bullied into making apologies I feel quite strongly I do not need to make and that I am not able to stand up for myself when normally I would have no problem doing so. So this dinner, I have been told that if I don't go I would be letting these members down. I have said I will go but am scared I will be on my own with no support whilst everyone adds more and more pressure on to me that I have made quite clear I cannot deal with at the moment. I have no idea how to get out of it without coming across as a bitch.