Money and the sharing of

[ditziness]

DP and I are really skint just now. Partly because we've just come back from holiday and are getting married this year, so not much sympathy there. We've got about £30 in the joint account till the end if the month. He's away on a stag weekend. Some friends owed him about £120 which he promised me would be his spending money.

He just rang pissed saying that he's got £150 out of the credit card. I was upset with him. This stag do has now cost him about £500. We can't afford a honeymoon. Am I in the wrong for beIng fed up with him? He says I'm very out of order as he's the main breadwinner (I work part time and look after ds the rest of my time) and because I had debts when when got together.

Postpone the wedding!

I personally would not marry someone who cannot manage their finances and who prioritises boosing over having enough money for living expenses.

Why did ye go on holiday now rather than save for your honeymoon?

Money fairness.

All money goes into one joint account, out of which comes all joint expenses - rent/mortgage, bills, food, child-related expenses.

Money that is left over is split equally and goes to separate account for you to spend as you wish. Haircuts, beer, handbags, playstations, whatever.

This £150 (did he really get cash out on a credit card, what an idiot ) must come from his own spending money.

because the holiday was planned before the wedding. not massively bothered, i just thought of the holiday as a honeymoon. but was fed up when i realised that we're not a honeymoon because i don't want to get into debt. but this stag do has done that anyway. pah

Have you actually sat down and spoken about money??? Really spoken about what you think and what is going to happen when you are legally in partnership with the man??

good question. food for thought.

and don't try and talk about it on the phone while he's on a stag do :)

Equally good point.

Gah

Probably what happened was that he was relying on his mate to pay back what they owed him and they didn't. This has left him on a stag do with no money, so he's used the credit card.

Personally, I hate the whole concept of stag and hen do's. I don't want to spend shitloads of money on a piss up to celebrate someone's wedding and then spend a shitload more on wedding presents, travel and hotel for the actual wedding. Given that you are skint, it might have been better if he'd given the stag do a miss.

Generally, I think that all money should be shared. Bills paid first then what's left is to be split equally. To me it doesn't matter who is actually earning and who is looking after the DC - you are a unit. I do appreciate that this doesn't work for everyone. If you've been bitten before then I can see why separate finances appeal. Also, it is hard if one partner is shit with money.

When he gets home, tell him no more getting cash out on the credit card, it's a total rip off and perhaps the two of you need to stop spending on crap like stag do's and save for your honeymoon. I'd be very uncomfortable with my DH telling me that he has more rights wrt the money, just because he earns it. A SAHM is making an equal contribution. Without you doing it, he would be spending a bloody great chunk of money on childcare. I think you need to address that attitude tbh.

"He says I'm very out of order as he's the main breadwinner"
That's unreasonable. You're a unit. Any money that comes in is family money.
You contribute to the family income by working p/t and by looking after your DS. Has he taken into consideration that if you didn't look after DS he would have to pay more for childcare?