AIBU to find this attitude annoying (though amusing too!) in my friend?

[aprilbear]

First off, no personal axe to grind here, I live quite a distance from this friends so my kids attend different schools.

This friend has a dd at an Academy school, but not a typical academy, it used to be private fee paying, and since becoming an academy, it doesn't charge fees but in many respects continues with the ethos and academic results which private schools have. It is a very priviliged, middle class place (her own words, when she got her dd in there last September!).

Over the year though, my friend has really started to play the 'I'm just an ordinary state school parent' card though, which is really irksome. eg on a recent girly weekend away with a group of us, the talk got around to schools and she was like, 'oh I would never consider private school for my children,' 'i'm really glad my dd goes to a normal school, she'll learn to live in the real world' , all of this in front of one of the group who actually sends her children to a private school! The way she carries on, you'd think her dd was genuinely going to the local comprehensive rather than a school which used to be private and has all the trappings of a private school. She doesnt appear to get that her dd is incredibly priviliged and that her experience is not the norm.

I've bitten my tonge over the year but the last few weeks whenever we've met or text each other she's been moaning about the problem shes now got finding holiday care for her dd (her dd has only just turned 12) because the school finished its term last weekend, 8th july! She's complaining about the fact that the school still has private school holidays, which she knew when she fought desperately to get this school for her dd.

Grrr! Should i carry on smiling politely or is it time to tell her what i really think

Are you jealous by any chance? Maybe she feels awkward about her daughter being 'privileged' as you put it and this is her way of coping with it when she is around you.

But her child is going to the local state school. It just happens to be far nicer than average.

Is the school selective? How exactly did she "fight" to get her child in?

I think YABU to be annoyed at her moaning about holidays. EVen people who pay for private schools are allowed to complain about finding childcare in the long holidays.

Yes I think she does feel awkward, which I think is why she plays this card so strongly.

No, I don't think any of our friendship group are jealous tbh. I know this woman as a previous work colleage, so when we meet it tends to be in a group who all live some distance from eachother. my kids go to our local school and are very happy and doing very well there. In our friendship group one woman has her children in private, the rest of us state, though all at different schools

TA - if it was the ocassional complaint about it being tricky to find care, i could understand it. But it feels like since her dd started there, its been a continual stream about how much she believes in state education, how important it is for kids to be in their local school etc! Yes, technically its state. In every other respect it may as well be private.

Just tell her that she's a pretty shit parent if she "would never" send her daughter to private school. What, not if the child were being bullied/failed in state and there was no other state option accessible?

Ask her what sort of parent puts their ridiculous, unrealistic pseudo-political beliefs of equality before their child's education and wellbeing. :o

Disclaimer - this is not to say that independent school is automatically superior to state but that where it is and/or where there is the need in the child for it any decent parent who could take the independent route would do so.

And PS - I agree with her, private school holidays are a PITA!

This would annoy me too tbh. Your friend is incredibly lucky that her local state school is so good and she knows full well that not all state schools are of the same high standard. She ought to STFU, because she is getting all the benefits of private education without the horrific bill. The smug attitude would make me want to slap her.

You could quietly point out that she is lucky not to be faced with the difficult moral dilemma of either sending her child to the local sink estate comp or having to compromise her high ideals and pay for her child's education.

"You could quietly point out that she is lucky not to be faced with the difficult moral dilemma of either sending her child to the local sink estate comp or having to compromise her high ideals and pay for her child's education."

That's a far politer way of saying it Karma! :o

(Can't say I can see any "moral dilemma" in it personally though, but each to their own and all that! :) )

Thank you karma, you have said exactly what I would like to say to her!

That is precisely what irks me, that she has been lucky to get a place at this school (which is not suprisingly very oversubscribed) and rather than appreciating the fact that she is actually pretty much in the same camp now as many private school parents but minus the huge bills, she is trying to play up the 'working class, principled state school' thing!! I also thought it was pretty rude in front of our mutual friend who does use (and have to pay for!) a private school. Incidentally the rest of us have had a private giggle about her, because we can all see the hypocrisy there even though she doesn't seem to, but I just wondered whether its time to challenge her when she starts up.

My word, DBF, you and I agree this time. Makes me wonder if we are both wrong . . .

She sounds like an annoying twat... Yanbu

Yes please say to her what karma said she needs to be told! Please! And report back!

Me neither DBF. I'd be straight in at the private school. Was being sarky but not sure if tone comes across in type very well

Wrong, Andrew?

Me?

Never! :o

Karma, I'm sure that your intention does come across well in type....

... as does my inability to comprehend the bleedin' obvious!

I am having a thick as mince day today. Am on a thread in chat about things that you assume everybody knows. Have shown myself up there as being spectacularly stupid. Thankfully, it is in Chat so will disappear after 30 days

Ahem...... don't Chat threads disappear after 90 days, Karma? :o

Oops. See what I mean?