to expect my dd to carry on working

[Larold]

My dd (17)has a part time weekend job in a garden centre that she doesn't like very much which is why she wants to leave. AIBU to encourage her very strongly to persevere with it ? She loves spending her wages so if she leaves she will want to start spending my hard earned cash again!

All opinions welcome

I think you're doing the right thing OP in telling your dd to get a new job before leaving the one she's in. Its hard getting used to working, taking 'orders' from others and being on your feet all day without much sympathy from colleges. Plus learning to deal with customers who may not always be the most curteous! Unless she is in physical or emotional danger I would do the same with my dd. Do not open your purse to her if she quits and do not let her tears soften your resolve. Your doing her a great favour and helping her grow into an adult.

In fact, having really shit part-time work where I got to see what my future would look like if I didn't apply myself at school and at uni was the making of me. I had at least one job with up 20 hours a week on the go from I was 15 but it didn't do my school work any harm. Why? Because not only did I realise that I needed to concentrate (and not mess about with my playlists or telly...) when studying and while at school so that I used my available time to the best effect. My grades were probably better for it!

I'm more inclined to the Fabby Chic view. My boys didn't really do paid work during their time at school. I did however encourage them to do lots of (unpaid) work experience. Oldest has just finished Uni and has an excellent job to go to. Had tonnes of related work experience to his future career. If you can afford it, as a parent, I advise that.

I think it is essential that youngsters have weekend/evening jobs and earn their own money - find FabbyChic's view very odd and would surely lead to a sense of 'entitlement' from children who get bought anything. DH and I are fortunately in a good financial position now and we could buy our 10 year old DS most things he wants - but he knows he has to save up his pocket money (£1 a week ) if he wants anything.

I worked at all sorts of jobs since I was 12 - babysitting/washing up/waitressing/bar work/care work (including laying out bodies ) and all those experiences really helped me to develop as an individual - and give me a thorough understanding of the importance of earning and saving money.

I used to interview graduate trainees for a large company and was shocked at the number who hadn't even done a paper round - getting a 'proper' job isn't just about what grades you get for A levels/degree - its about the sort of experiences you have had.

I also worked since I was 13 ish, even though the money was a pittance! My parents still subbed me until I went to university, because minimum wage for under 18s wasn't a lot (probably still isn't!) but it certainly taught me a lot about time management etc and really made me appreciate my own money.

I learnt how to save when I could and I also learnt very quickly at University what I was good at and what I could put up with in terms of hating jobs.

I have always said when I have DC's that I will expect them to work when they turn 16, not to support themselves financially because if I can I will, but more for the experience. I'm not sure socialising in school can compete with meeting the variety of people a work place has to offer.

In this day and age as well, where full time jobs are hard to come by, any edge they can give themselves in terms of CV's will come in handy, so being able to say that they worked in a shop from the age of 16 as well as completing A Levels etc will work favourably for them, as opposed to doing nothing but studying. I'm not saying studying isn't improtant, but that it is such a competitive job market at the moment that little things like that may well make all the difference.

When I am recruiting I will rarely bother to interview a graudate with no work epxerience. The ones who have worked even if it is non-related work in bars etc are of FAR more interest than the ones who haven't bothered. I would take a graudate with a 2:2 and 3 summers working in a cafe over a grad with a first who has never done a days work in their life any day.

Massive X post with Ragwort there

FabbyChic's posts certainly explain why so many adults in this country are financially irresponsible and completely unable to live within their means. It is important to teach kids to manage money from an early age.

I got pocket money as a small child with no more until it was gone. At 13 I started making tea and doing a bit of admin for the family business as a Saturday job and this continued until university (with a bit more responsibility added each year). I bought myself a violin and paid for my driving lessong with what I earned on Saturdays and later in the school holidays. I learned to live within my means, to save for things I wanted and that I would not be able to have the things I wanted without working for them - all valuable life lessons.

OP, I agree with those who have said let her quit but be clear that you won't subsidise her so she will have to find another job.

Sure volunteer work is very valuable and crucial for some careers nowadays. I I still think earning your own money and negotiating work schedules around your school work is particularly character building though. I'll be encouraging my dd to take a paid part-time job and do some volunteering but perhaps not both at the same time. Depending on what sort of career she wants I'll also encourage her to get unpaid work experience to help her get on too. Lots of things we parents can do but I think a paid part-time job is a great place to start personally.

My DS 17 is having to complete work experience during his "holidays" as part of his electrical course in the hope of an apprentiship at the end of the 8 weeks. He leaves the house at 8 and returns at 4.30 all for £30 a week He is too knackered to do a part time job as well so we give him a bit of pocket money to top him up. He wont even have a week off this summer.

He leaves the house at 8 and returns at 4:30 and this leaves him knackered?

A real job is going to come as someting of a shock then

another useful aspect of a hateful part time job as a teenager, is that it teaches you how to work with other people. It's better to learn this in a job that you don't especially enjoy than to land your 'dream' job and not be able to get along well with other staff.

I did weekend work as a teen (from 16 onwards, I either did cleaning or portering in a hospital on saturdays and sundays, or I worked in our local garden centre, which I loathed). It didn't appear to have any effect on my school work either. Doing night shifts during the week whilst at uni did, but that was me being a muppet, and I learnt pretty soon not to do night shifts in term time!

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable; she is being a little precious though!

There's nothing like a really dull Saturday/holiday job to open teenagers' eyes to the reality of the World of Work.

Plus they learn skills like getting up in time, dressing in clean clothes, suitable for the job, mixing with people from other walks of life, and not being precious about doing some shitwork.

If you want something, you've got to work for it. It doesn't get handed to you on a plate (not in our house, anyway).

DD hours are 8am - 5:30 on a saturday and 10am - 5pm on sundays with college weds-fri. She also does some babysitting on some week nights. It is tiring I suppose but I don't think its over the top really. I was working full time at 16 and haven't stopped since!