Make DS go to cub camp? Need thoughts quick.

[MugglesandLuna]

Just want to point out that my DS is 10, and has AS traits

DS is supposed to be leaving for cub camp in an hour, now he says he doesnt want to go.

He went on another last month when it was particually cold, which I think has made him a bit nervous.

However there are three reasons I think he should go.

1. He said he would go. Its only a small camp and so only 40 places, it was oversubsribed but he got a place, therefore taking a place from another cub.
2. He needs to learn that he has to follow through on his word, and cant keep pulling out of things at the last minute. He told his Cub leader he would be going this wednesday.
3. (less importantly) I have had to pay £20 for the camp and £50 for all the bits he needs, which is alot of money for us.

If it wasnt for his AS I would be making him go, but I am doubting myself a little. He is a happy boy and I know he will enjoy himself when he gets there (just like all the things he has worked himself up about in the past). Lots of his friends will be there

AIBU to make him go. He is currenly sitting eating his breakfast one wheeto at a time, complaining that its raining.

No it isn't. That's a huge generalisation. I have AS as does my daughter. For both of us the stumbling block is always the anticipation of having to maintain a 'normal' mask for such a long period of time.

As they say, 'When you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism.'.

^That post was in response to LadyThumb's.

Oh, I agree.
Which is why my posts about AS are always peppered with 'might' and 'may' It was a suggestion, but is sounds as if the OP has got a plan together and will rescue her DS if he needs it.
I just find that with my son, I've had to help him push his comfort zones a little, otherwise he'd never have tried anything different or found that he really enjoyed some things, activities and changes.

Do let us know-did he go?

It was a good suggestion. I'm not knocking it at all. I just wanted to point out to the other poster that sweeping generalisations about AS are not only incorrect but also a tad offensive. Although, I'm sure she didn't mean any offense by it.

omfg make him go make him go make him go and you call yourselves parents you disgust me you really truly do a child with any asd can get very upset and forcing them to do something different from usual routine can have a really bad effect on them if this child has aspergers like 3 of my 5 children do he needs routine not to go camping without mom or dad to a place he doesnt know well get a grip people google aspergers syndrome/ASD then decide to make him go you need to get a life

Charleneanne, I had to read that a few times. First couple of readings looked like you were advocating forcing him to go and I was like [shocked]. Then I realised you weren't and I started breathing again.

I hate that I can't edit my posts here. [shocked] should be:

For an aspie, I completely fail with puters.

Wow charleneanne, we were just discussing how AS affects different children in different ways. Then in you crash with your rant. And your insults. Do you accept that one size fits all is not a good approach?
Some of us have a lot of experience with AS, as parents and as professionals involved with children on the spectrum. So I don't think google would be my first port of call.
I appreciate the passion, but my DS is 16 and loves being a scout, although he found camps tricky at first he grew to love them and is doing his DofE Silver through them.
The OP's DS may be like that, or he may hate camping with scouts. If he's denied the chance to find out he'll never know.

I thought mine was the only Aspie I'd know that was not good with computers. Not all geeks then?

I am expecting OP to come back and tell us it was fine-something he would have missed if not encouraged.

Even if it wasn't and she went to rescue him, it's worth a try.

'Cubs has really brought him out of his shell, given him confidence and cut the apron strings a little so I do really want to encourage it, but not too much that it has a knock-on effect.'

Does that sound like a woman who is not thinking about all of her son's needs? I think the OP is helping her son, and will go and get him with no visible disappointment or upset if she has to.

I don't think that my DS would be as confident as he is today if he hadn't kept trying.

For me, my DS is HF, attended MS school and I wanted to help him grow up and live in the world as best he could.
Recognising his boundaries, how to manage the stresses he'd face and what he could do to develop coping strategies. I could have kept him safe and at home and never given him a challenge that he found tricky but I didn't.
I realise that it is one DS and one mother's relationship, but I've talked to him about it, and what he thinks his future might be and it's a partnership between us to see what's possible.
It worked for us, and still does.

I hope that he has gone. My ds with ASD goes to the Cubs and the camps. We have encouraged him to as it means that he gets used to unpredictable situations and a different set of people to his school friends and family. The Cub leaders understand and he has a kind set of friends there. He actually loves the freedom of it and seems to enjoy running around in open spaces, making his wonderful noises (!). He seems relaxed and enjoys the challenges that they offer. It also teaches him a lot of life skills, which he needs - making toast, cups of tea, etc.

Setting fire to things.
Putting out fires...

You're correct, that's the key Goblinchild, finding out what works for your child. Pushing them with the things you believe they can do and which will benefit them and backing off with the stuff that doesn't. For me, the difficulty sometimes is knowing the difference.

Anyway, I hope the OP managed to find a solution that worked for her son. I would love to know how he got on.

Sorry, have been out all day.

He was a bit hesitant when DH took him. DH said he followed him around and stopped him leaving a couple of times, but then they went off to do activities and DS was quite happy to go.

I knew this would happen, that once he was there he would be fine. He gets himself worked up over the tiny details. When DH asked him in the car what he was worried about, it was that he wouldnt be able to find the toilet in the dark. Once DH told him that he would have a torch (packed him a big one) he calmed down.

I agree, with DS its the transition that he worries about. Once he is there he is fine.

:)

Thank you so much for coming back. I hope he has a starry night and a good moon to give him happy memories.

He will also be so pleased that he did it!

That's wonderful news. I hope he has a fantastic time.

(My aspie brother had his torch confiscated at cub camp. He'd made a cardboard spider and stuck on the glass to make it look like there was a giant spider in the tent. He was frightening the other kids stupid with it.:o)

Kladdkaka Love it. Won't be mentioning it to my ds though, I can see him replicating it. He got little enough sleep as it was last weekend

MugglesandLuna My ds is very similar, mostly his anxieties revolve around things happening to me whilst he isnt with me, and things not being right (he was refusing to go on camp because he doesnt eat cereal and they are given cereal first - when reassured that he did not have to have the cereal, he was a lot happier). He had a whale of a time last weekend, and is looking forward () to the one planned for August. Hope your ds has a fab weekend.

OP, I am a Cub leader and I was watching this thread later today with interest - sorry I missed it this morning.

As long as people tell a leader that a child has issues of any sort all of us will usually work very hard to support them. We have lots of ways of making children feel comfortable and happy at camp, no matter what the problem is. We have usually seen it all before, and often.

When DH asked him in the car what he was worried about, it was that he wouldnt be able to find the toilet in the dark. Once DH told him that he would have a torch (packed him a big one) he calmed down.

We ask the children to "pack their own bags" (with mum or dad) so they know what they have with them and most importantly where to find it.

I was so happy to hear that your DS has grown in confidence at Cubs and I hope he has a lovely weekend at camp.

I'm with Waltons the BIG mistake I made with cubs was not telling the leaders that DS has ASD, he's very high functioning and I always hope that he will be able to cope in situations. They pulled me up about three months after he joined telling me of the various problems they were encountering with him mostly not participating or concentrating. When I explained DS' problems and spoke to DS about trying to join in things have got much better.

Before camp last week I was taken to one side and spoke with all the leaders who would be there and explained DS' problems and they were really, really good, understood his need to be alone at times and that he could be over stimulated but also tried to involve him, I think that's what made his time at camp so enjoyable.

My heart did melt though because he had to make his promise and DS read out why he wanted to be a member of scouts and his first thing was "because I want to be normal like other children", I think last week at camp made a huge impact on his feeling normal and I'm so glad he went.

Did he stay the night Muggles?