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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to invite my Dad's Girlfriend's Ex Husband to My Wedding?

39 replies

LetThereBeCupcakes · 15/07/2011 15:43

Because my father thinks I am. I tried to be tactful and tell him we needed to keep numbers down. He offered to "buy him a place".
It's our wedding. We're paying. And it's just weird...

OP posts:
flatbread · 15/07/2011 16:53

You ANBU to not want the ex husband. But I think you should be a bit flexible on this. If your dad is willing to pay, what is the harm? You will be so busy anyway, that you will hardly notice the extra person (unless it is a seriously small affair). You can tell anyone who asks that he is a friend of your dad and leave it at that.

Moobee · 15/07/2011 17:10

I couldn't invite some of my aunts and uncles when we got married (parents have loads of siblings). I'd not seen them in decades. Parents offered to pay the cost per head for them but as we were at capacity for the venue, there would be a massive step change in cost to go to the venue the next size up.

You could use that as an excuse if you're nearly at capacity and don't just want to tell them they're being really weird.

I have to say though, I would tell my dad how weird it appears and that everyone will assume they're a threesome. I'm mean. :)

If you don't know them well and want them there, then they shouldn't be there. There might be more etiquette issues (if you pay attention to that kind of thing) if your dad is paying for everything though but it doesn't sound like that from what you said.

HeyYouJimmy · 15/07/2011 17:28

You could tell your dad you are not going to invite him because 1) you don't know him, and 2) you're not friends with him.

If you're paying for your wedding, it's up to you who goes and who doesn't. Anyone who turns up uninvited should be told to leave.

PirateDinosaur · 15/07/2011 17:36

Well, clearly YABU. All the best weddings have the bride's father's girlfriend's ex-husband there. It's this year's must-have accessory. In fact, you're just unlucky that she only has the one ex-husband; a matched pair would be even better...

No, sorry, I can't keep this up. YANBU, obviously, and your father is in orbit somewhere around Saturn.

Huffythetantrumslayer · 15/07/2011 17:39

Um..... Yep sorry thats my only contribution to your query. [hconfused]

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 15/07/2011 17:40

Why not just say that your wedding is where you celebrate your marriage with the people you love. And he's not one of them. So he's not coming. And if he tries to just show up, he'll be turned away.

And ask your dad just why he's so involved with this man, cos it's a bit weird.

OTheHugeManatee · 15/07/2011 17:50

I really thought that was a satirical thread title.

Do your dad and girlfriend have pampas grass outside their house? If so, you have your answer Grin

Oh and YANB in the slightest bit U.

FakePlasticTrees · 15/07/2011 17:53

Say no, if you want to be generous, you could invite him to the evening do, but I wouldn't even do that. Tell your Dad you are keeping it small and only want close family and people you care about at the wedding, he's neither, and perhaps say you've had to be strict with numbers from your DP's side and your ILs will get upset if they realise your Dad's girlfriend's ex-husband is there (word it like that) and not one of the people they wanted.

Original poster
LetThereBeCupcakes · 15/07/2011 18:17

Yes - there is a rather large pampass grass in the garden! What does that mean? Should I burn it?
Sadly not satirical. Oh, if only it were...

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 15/07/2011 18:23

No is a complete sentence
So is Bugger off Dad, it ain't happening
I'm sure other people have other complete sentences for your use in this little exercise

Yanbu

Smellslikecatpee · 15/07/2011 18:55

I'm from a BIG Irish family, the last wedding in our family was over 300 to sit down! Shock Sis's PIL paid a huge chunk (Sis & BIL had planned to pay themselves) but it was the first wedding in BIL family so they wanted to go all out and Sis loves them and really didn't care that much so it grew and grew, to the point that even the PILS milkman was invited (not a friend, not been the milkman for years and years, just a standard milkman)

Sis & BIL had an evening after the wedding of look at the phots and guess the relationship.

ANYWAY!!! even they wouldn't have done that, too freaky even for them!

PaperBank · 15/07/2011 20:19

Your wedding, your choice.

If your Dad wants to see this person he can make his own arrangements to meet him elsewhere.

PenguinPatter · 15/07/2011 20:46

Pampass grass is on mumsnet is considered a sign that the residents are swingers - no idea why.

I find this very disturbing - as my parent had a large pampass grass outside our house most of my childhood.

Your father is being very weird - I think I'd just say that to him.

2rebecca · 15/07/2011 21:06

That is bizarre. He isn't any relative or friend of yours and is the exhusband of someone who isn't even in your family yet but just your dad's current girlfriend. I would say no as he is neither a friend or relative of yours.
Sounds mad to me. Why would he or his girlfriend want him there anyway except to exude smugness?

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