to not want to make a speech at my mother's birthday party?

[hebejebe]

Just received an email from my new sil who is organising my mother's 70th birthday party asking if I would make a speech at the party. As a bit of backstory, I have a fairly fraught relationship with my mother. She is very self centred, largely unsupportive, critical, very uninterested in my life (always has been) but does seem to want to have a better relationship with me though only on her terms.

She had a family lunch a few months ago for her actual birthday which we (me, dh and 3dc) went to - travelling 400 miles, whereas my brothers and their families live 1 hour away. I was considering not going to the party but had a change of heart as I thought that I was cutting off my nose to spite my face - I do like to see my brothers and nephews and other family members (including my mother, in small doses)! So I decided to make a holiday out of it for me and the kids (dh does not want to come - fair enough).

But, I do not want to make a speech, nor do I want to tell my new sil why (I think she wants us all to be happy families) as I am afraid I will sound bitter and twisted over my mother's lack of affection, love and support and her apparent need to sweep all that under the carpet with false speeches (which I am!).

What can I say to sil that will not cause a rift or give them any cause to think that I have all these negative thoughts towards my mother? I think she's jolly lucky I am going to the party at all.

'She is very self centred, largely unsupportive, critical, very uninterested in my life (always has been) '

There you are, you've written the core of your speech

Just say you'd be too embarrassed and suggest she gets your brother to do it

Don't feel you have to if you don't want to. You don't have to explain the reasons to your SIL either. Just say you don't do speeches.

"nah. It wouldn't be appropriate" ?

I would just say no, you really arent comfortable doing that sort of thing, and know you just couldnt do it.

Speech-making isn't everyone's cup of tea anyway. Tell SIL "I don't want to, sorry".

Thanks all - I like squeaky's suggestion and may just use it verbatim. Unfortunately Zigzag if I was making an honest speech, those sentiments would be at the core of it. I don't think that's the sort of speech she had in mind

Tell your sil that it would be more appropriate for one (or both) of your brothers to give a speech, but that you'll be happy to propose the toast immediately afterwards....

'Ladies, Gentlemen, and Dearly Beloved Relatives, I give you -raise glass aloft- Mother'