To not tell the truth rather than hurt somebody ?

[SkelleyBones]

There's this woman who i've been friends with for getting on 4 years, am not sure how it happened but the truth is we've nothing in common and she's emotionally exhausting.
So much has gone wrong in this persons life if you saw it in a soap opera you'd think it was far fetched but i have actually witnessed it so I know it's true.
The latest is that she and her partner are struggling, she has a tiny baby. But she calls 3 or 4 times a day for a moan and i can't cope with it any more i have my own children, a job and a house to run, the negativity kind of saps your energy. We lost touch for about a year and stupidly i replied to an email. Within weeks it was as before just too much.
She does have a good heart so I don't want to tell to bugger off, but I thought about not giving her new contact details when I move. I just can't face dumping her it would be like kicking a puppy.

I have decided i'm just going to cut all ties

If later on you need support or a place to vent when detaching and making sure you stay detached, can I just recommend starting a thread on the relationships board.

These people can be a bit leech like and are far more practiced than you in "breakups", cos they have usually been dumped in desperation many, many times and are old hands. So some have honed their skills at clinging and clawing their way back in by guilt tripping you to Christmas and back. Because it is cheaper in terms of energy to suck you back in rather than find a new mark, you can sometimes find they are a bit persistent in resisting your detachment.

Which is not so big a problem if you anticipate it and have got your head around the need to perhaps be a little blunter and more open about the lack of possibility for future contact than you would normally be, should more diplomatic exits about passing on new contact details later not work so well.

I have (had?) an old work colleague like this. It's 20 years since I stopped working with her but she would still carry on phoning and earbending me about her work problems if I let her. In fact it took me about 10 years before I plucked up the courage to tell her no, I didn't have time to come and see her as I had a busy life and we didn't really have anything in common anymore. She slammed the phone down on me and I felt relieved. However a year or so later I forgot and sent her a Christmas card (why oh why?) and it all started up again. The following year I left her off my Christmas card list and she phoned me up to ask why she hadn't received one from me. Like an idiot i said that I hadn't sent any out that year.

Since then I haven't heard from her but I still feel a bit guilty and I actually used to enjoy her friendship before she became so clingy and moany.

I also have a sil who never stops moaning about her problems when ever she sees me. It's noticeable that everyone else leaves the room when she starts. The last few times that she's started telling me yet again about what's gone wrong in her life and how everyone's against her, I've said 'you've already told me about this' , which stops her in her tracks 'have I?' she's said. At least it saves me having to hear the same thing for the umpteenth time although it doesn't stop her telling me what's happened since.

I do feel sad for these people as they are genuinely unhappy but in thinking constantly about their problems they have got themselves into a destructive loop of negativity. However for my own sanity i have to detach myself.