to not donate to the Red Cross cos they called me a granny?

[Hullygully]

Open the door to a child Red Cross chugger who does the first aid in schools spiel, and then says "Have you got children yourself? Grandchildren?"

And then says "Would you like to donate?"

No, because I'll be needing to save up for botox, thank you so much.

Better get some more of that expensive facecream, Hully... or put your hair up pulled tight for an 'Essex facelift'.

Yesterday I bought a dress and showed ds and he said, "It's really nice, but it does show you're definitely heading for old age because it's a bit frumpy. Don't shoot the messenger."

There is a theme.

Is it a nice 'tea dress'? If so, your doomed, Hully... you'll have to move to gransnet....

No, it's a sort of nothing dress that will be cool and inoffensive in hot climes.

Oh oh oh the cruelty of it all.

Has your cleavage got a bit of a crepe going on ?

That's the most heading towards grannydom thing.

If not, drink more wine and take your contacts out - everything looks better in soft focus.

for you and the chugger. He's not likely to get many takers if he's calling women grannies.

Did you forget to put your teeth in before you answered the door?

Deja vue Hully, deja vue. Was it a blue dress?

No, it was a very sweet child girl chugger who I don't imagine will be terribly successful in her job

And I did have teeth and my cleavage was hidden by my nice warm zip up Saino's fleece, thank you.

It's a bit blue, James. Sort of plainly patterned.

Maybe you forgot to pick up that tena free sample off your doorstep...

Plainly patterned

I wouldn't mind a sweet girl chugger. What I mind are 19 year old male wannabe actors with artistic headgear who pretend to fancy you.

Oh I'd be much happier with one of those rather than the brute truth of gel youth.

Yes, but it's the way they bounce in front of you like children's TV presenters when you are just trying to get into M&S and say "Hi Guys".

Yes, don't donate. Donate to the Red Cross online or another charity. They have to learn how to be polite. And anyway, why does having any children at all have anything to do with it? When I was a child collecting for charity, I would never ask anyone if they were married or had children at all. Can't get the volunteers these days.

She had a script, all scribbled in biro with crossings -out. She'd obviously been told to mention kids as it was about red cross in schools. I feel sorry for her now, even tho I am horribly insulted.