AIBU - to think screw you and not go?

[Jujo2011]

Warning, this may be long, get a before you start! lol!

I have a friend, I'll call her A. I've known her about three years now, and she has always been very self centered. I don't hear from her for months, and when I do it's always because she want's something.

Anyway I haven't seen her since mid Jan (I was 'summoned' to her house when my little girl was a couple of weeks old, so she could "have a cuddle" wish I'd have told her where to go. I haven't seen her since. She called me about a month ago to tell me that she had given my details to a letting agent so I could be a referee thing for her, and when the letter came could I ring her and tell her what things they were asking, and she would tell me what to respond!!!! No how are you? how is baby? literally called about house then was all...Oh I gotta go now. (Needless to say when letter came I filled it in, on my own without her input! - She's moved house so what I wrote must've been ok).

Sorry trying to keep this short, but wanted to give a little bit of background, so you could get a rough idea of how self centered she is. Anyway I received a text message this morning with details of her little girl's first birthday party, part of me feels screw you I don't want to go, but then I think is that fair on the little girl (although to be honest I've not seen her since Jan, so will be as good as a stranger to her) I just feel I've only been invited basically to get the little girl a birthday present because that's just the type of person A is.

Which I wouldn't mind so much, it would be nice to see the little girl again as she was so small last time I saw her and now she's a year old! but my friend is just so ungrateful...looks down her nose at pretty much everything. I don't have a lot of money so cannot afford anything big and flashy, she knows this (and is in same position herself) she thinks nothing of buying people presents from shops such as Primark, or clothes from supermarkets, but moans if anyone buys her/little girl a "cheap present" (her words not mine) .

I'm just not sure if I can be bothered with it all... I'm getting married 4 days after the party so thinking of using that as an excuse to get out of the party. Another thing she sneered at - we're having a very small registry office do (literally us, our little girl and our parents) and she sneered at that, but that's a whole different story, think I've gone on long enough here... thanks if you've managed to get this far. So would I BU to not go to the party and basically phase her out of my life?

Thanks

no - she doesn't sound much of a friend tbh - life's too short to have to deal with the likes of her! have been in a similar situation and to be honest am so relieved I don't have anything to do with her! Sure there will be people saying it's not the little girls fault, but as you said you'd be almost a stranger to her, she will get lots of other presents from other people and she is 1 and won't remember her first birthday anyway!!

YANBU - she sounds like the kind of person you don't need in your life.

To add - I had a small registry office 'do' too and it was lovely :) Congratulations and enjoy your day with the people you love around you.

Don't go. Stop having a fake friendship that is doing you no good.

Congratulations on getting married. Have a wonderful day.

Time to drop this particular friend I think.

why are you friends with this woman? it sounds like you can't stand her (with pretty good reason)

don't go if you don't want to... life's too short, and you've got some great excuses - drop her a text back to 'do the right thing'

if you live near each other and there's a chance your DDs will grow up as friends then you don't really want a big falling out, so phasing out sounds like a good plan and you can start it by not going to the party

She sounds horrible and there's no reason to keep these one-way friendships in your life.

Have a great wedding!

It would totally seem fair enough for you to not go and to phase her out of your life if you don't get anything from the friendship. However I would say if she has had a young baby in the last year and you have barely seen her, maybe she doesn't think you are much of a friend either?

Either way it doesn't seem as though there will be much loss if you two are not friends.

Life is too short for friends like this.

As I've got older I've realised that a friend is someone you can trust to treat you in the way you want to be treated (kindly, etc) and you would do the same for them.

If this doesn't apply she's not a friend, this one clearly isn't for you, and I wish I'd learned to walk away from women like this and not look back sooner. Give yourself a start on more happiness and good friends by clearing out women like this one.

Why on earth are you agonising about it? Just don't respond, it's not rocket science. You know what you want to do, so do it.

She isnt a friend just some random who contacts you when she wants something.

I cant imagine why you would even want to stay friends with this woman. Just ignore her text - she prob wont even notice anyway!!

if you feel you need to reply then something along the lines of

"thanks for thinking of us, however already have something on that day"

don't get into lengthy explanations about why you can't make it, then gradually phase her out

YANBU. Congrats on your forthcoming nuptials, hope you have a lovely time.

Thank you all for your replies, and the congrats! I've always wanted a small wedding, as I believe the marriage itself is more important than one day in your life and spending a fortune!

We don't live particularly close HPonEverything about 15 miles apart so don't think unless we make the effort our DD's will grow up as friends as they won't be going to same schools or anything.

I see your point also Folicacid maybe she thinks I'm not a good friend either, and maybe I am not. But truth of matter is I spent two years doing all the work...going to her house, calling her to see how she was etc. I stopped visiting towards the back end of my pregnancy as I had trouble driving, and had some problems at back end, and to be honest when I had my DD (after a 33.5 hour labour) she told me I'd not put enough effort in, as there is 'no need for a labour to be that long' so I didn't want to be near her for a while as she really hurt my feelings, after that comment I have left the friendship to cool a little.

I think I have probably answered my own question here, this isn't a good friendship is it!

... and the second word to her is "off"

She sounds rather odd, let the friendship drop
Congratualtions on getting married
nothing wrong with a small registry do, had one myself many, many years ago.

I've said it before and will keep saying it its not the wedding but the marriage that counts

Text back saying 'so sorry, won't be able to make it, have a lovely day', and get on with your life and your preparations for the wedding of your dreams.

If she phones and asks why you can't make it, simply say that the whole week before your big day is set aside for pre-wedding pampering, dress fitting, flower choosing, special get together with dps, or whatever comes into your head.

Many congratulations on your forthcoming marriage - I'm sure that all concerned will have a wonderful day.

Drop her.

Life is too short for friends like that.

I know it is what everyone else has said but YANBU, this is a dead relationship and you have every right to give an excuse to not go. Spend some time sorting your wedding, or relaxing, or even doing housework! Hope the wedding goes well.

"but then I think is that fair on the little girl" - the little girl is 1, she won't know!

Just don't go if you don't want to go. But don't invest all this emotional energy in deciding whether or not to go - you have more exciting/important things to worry about.

YANBU. The little girl will have no idea, you're a virtual stranger to her and this woman is not much of a friend.