2 years ago, H had an 'inappropriate relationship' (emotional affair, some physical stuff but he swears not to full sex) with a volunteer at the community centre he manages.
I found out by discovering dodgy text messages on his mobile (long story. I wasn't snooping and had no idea anything was up). He denied for a long time, was finally caught out when he left a letter from her lying around, letter made it clear what had gone on so he had to admit.
To cut a long story short; we went to couples counselling, and committed to working on our relationship. He agreed to three things: one, to let me know when he had to have a meeting with this volunteer and two, that at the end of his contract he wouldn't seek to renew but would look for a job elsewhere, thirdly, that we'd put in our diaries one night out togeher a month.
The first worked for a month or two, I wasn't checking up on him, decided I needed to trust, and he did seem to be telling me whan it was unavoidable that they met up. However, I've just found out (from another of his colleagues who doesn't know) that he has been meeting with this woman frequently over the last few weeks; now I know there is probably a good reason to do with her role, but still, he hasn't mentioned it.
Secondly, his contract finishes in December and this week there were two great jobs advertised locally; better pay, good agencies, etc. I saw him looking at the job section in the paper and asked if he'd spotted the vacancies, but he has just turned round and said he wants to stay where he is, he has changed his mind, and that I need to 'get over one incident that happened ages ago and stop obsessing about it'.
Thirdly: the date thing; we were meant to go out for our wedding anniversary on Friday,(not that he was being very enthusiastic, he just said, oh, we'll go out if you want to) then he remembered he had a work do to attend instead. I said I was disappointed and I'd been looking forward to spending time with him, he said I must be really insecure if we need to go on dates for him to prove he loves me. Which wasn't what I meant at all....
He says I clearly have issues with trust and that i need to have a good think about what my problem is, and need to stop holding a gun to his head by (indirectly) bringing up the affair. Hhhm.