To wonder why my best mate and OH call me hard hearted?

[sweetness86]

I know this is daft but the other week my best friend (we work together known each other years) asked me why I never really cry and its because Im hard hearted apparantley!
I then went home and told OH he agreed and said yes I am hard hearted , I was a bit miffed people thought this of me I dont think I am.
I just dont cry much or show much emotion apart from to the boys and even if something really gets to me I wont cry . I can cry over something silly and random once every few months though

Im not lovey dovey either unless its to the kids and I think its mainly coz I dont beat around the bush i like to tell it straight which I think some people maybe dislike or dont understand . Take my friend shes having an affair , always crys but then again always tells lies. I would rather be how I am at least what you see is what you get and I am a nice person honest :)
Does anyone else find it hard to cry or am I just a freak of nature ?

Im not into all this crying business either. MY partner affectionately calls me an emotional fk wit.

People close to me have spent years analysing this, and whose fault me being "broken" might be!

I do care, I care alot. I am affectionate (albeit it on my terms only) I do not appreciate people touching me without invitation, ie over zealous hello's that involve people invading my personal space.

I do angry very well (although this is calming as I learn to communicate properly ie not saying all is well when it isnt) and if i have any kind of negative emotion then it normally is turned into anger, which probably makes me seem like a right bitch. Ie if other half is ill, I get worried = angry at him for being unwell if he wont go to docs etc.

glad to see Im not the only "emotional fkwit!" :D

BibiBlocksberg I have also found a place within non criers we can all be hard faced cows together!

Signet2012 Seriously my family have conversations too about why I am the way I am what 'happened' to make me like this. Nothing happened I don't think I think I'm just like this.
I get called the Ice Queen too Im really affectionate to my kids and why I cant be to anyone else I dont know.

I last cried in April I cant remember the last time before that and I see one of my friends cry on a weekly basis she just has a good old cry at least once a week , how does she do that?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack I understand that because its your mum and you miss her and a reminder of course would make you emotional .

I'm hard hearted too, apparently. Have been described by quite a few people as this.

I'm not though. I'm incredibly soft hearted, I just have a hard shell.
I get very emotional about alot of things but never ever let it show. I can trace it back to my parents divorce when I was younger. I showed my emotions to my father, who trampled on them, repeatedly.

I quickly learnt to hide what I was feeling. Dp hates that it takes me ages to say if somethings upset me - massive fear of rejection kicks in.
Took me a long time to tell him I loved him as well, I hate feeling vunerable.

I am different with my dc though, ott with my emotions, will be that mother at the school play gushing and weeping that her dd is the best sheep that was ever in the nativity !

I'm not though. I'm incredibly soft hearted, I just have a hard shell.
I get very emotional about alot of things but never ever let it show. I can trace it back to my parents divorce when I was younger. I showed my emotions to my father, who trampled on them, repeatedly

Totally relate in all honesty I think because as a child and teenager I grew up with a stepfather that hated me. He used to made me cry on a regular basis I think it made me hard faced. After him doing it so long I refused to show emotion as I knew he enjoyed getting to me so now I cant show it all to others not properly.

Anyone else really good at writing emotional stuff? Can write it no probs and then get really embarrassed when people read it out loud.

And exclaim how lovely it is and how I'm showing my 'soft' side.

Oh just READ it and calmly thank me FFS don't make a massive deal out of it

Sounds familiar, sweetness, my father used to like dropping me back home crying as it upset my mum too. He played games with his visits and when I asked him about it (I was 8 and really plucked up my courage) told him I loved him and wanted to see him and why did he not show when he was meant to and it upset me.

That was the last time I saw him.

The wall that gets put up is out of self preservation, not because you don't feel. I probably take more things personnally than I should, guess you do too or you wouldn't care about being called hard hearted?

Bibi - vicious circle, can write it but don't like the fuss, so it gets rare that I write, so the fuss gets bigger!

i really dont cry very often and try never to cry in front of people i see it as a weakness in me though i know that is crazy but i cant shift it. that doesnt mean that i think that people that do cry are weak or soft though people that cry all the time for nothing do tend to grate on me as i dont see it as very productive. am i hard hearted? do i hug and kiss my children, yes do i show affection to my friends and family, yes. can i empathise, yes. but like you op i am a straight taker and i wont take any bullshit if someone is talking shit i will tell them, some times it gets me in trouble that i dont phrase things in a better way.
i think i can relate to previous posts but it was my mother i use to hide from to cry so it probably all comes from that.
i cried for the first time in front of my dp the other day and he was like oh my god i have never seen you cry before. in some ways its good because when you actually do it means you are really so fucking upset you cant hold it in any more. but unfortunately it tends to be followed by me getting really angry

I've never liked being hugged and stuff either, is it something genetic? I elbowed people away long before I knew what was going on (apparently).

I agree with almost everything you've said there spooks

I've got a tight grip on my straight talking though, some things definately best swept under the carpet.

I have to confess I do judge some criers though. There's a woman who works at my company but in a different department and last Friday she burst into tears and then proceeded to SOB for a solid hour at her desk right in front of her boss.

As an explanation she offered ,well things just get me down some days, I'm sure you're the same.

Err, no, I'd rather hack off one of my limbs with a letter opener than sit crying at my desk!!!!

It's a good job I'm not her manager as I would have been fighting the urge to go sir Alan on her ass and shout 'you're fired'! :)

spooks Totally agree with what you said. Im a straight talker trying to stop doing it so much but if I think someone is a tosser I have a tendency to tell them................... to their face.

BibiBlocksberg A girl does this at my work too I do sometimes attempt an awkward hug but Im not very good at it so revert to being the usual me uncomfortable and annoyed their making me bloody uncomfortable.
I dont like people crying infront of me all the time I cant deal with it , A comment off a poster saying her new fella crys?? I feel for you I could not deal with that shit and I know men cry too and blah blah but I couldnt be with a bloke that cried a lot

No sweetness I don't think you are heard hearted just realistic and sensible. I mean at work fgs!! Just no!!

I'm actually a very emotional person inside and in private and I secretly envy people who can show their feelings openly (apart from crying of course)

Animals and children allow me to show my feelings in full - if people who knew me heard me talking to my cats for example they'd think I'd lost the plot

And sorry, but a crier of a bloke is not going to ingratiate himself with me either - just tell me how you feel, don't blub all over it as well!!

my dp cried once and i actually said wtf are you doing lol. i dont mind whe friends cry you know if its for break up etc but i can make tea and give them a hug but habitual criers i just dont get.
i am with you sweetness dp says isnt is better to find something good in them and concentrate on that. i sometimes wonder if thats what he does with me

Apparently I have a heart like a swinging brick! I don't cry easily and I find tears from adults hard to deal with but I am not unsympathetic by any stretch, if I see somebody upset I will hug them but won't burst into tears myself .....I'm far too practical

I often wonder why I don't have many friends but lots of people coming for advice/tea and sympathy

Its a pain in the arse way to be sometimes, I wish I could be more emotional- I just can't bring tears readily

I am the wrong way round when it comes to showing emotion. I can cry my eyes out watching a sad film or reading a sad book - have even been known to shed a few tears at the X Factor

However, I never, ever cry when I am genuinely upset about something, or when something bad or sad happens to me. I have no idea why

heart like a swinging brick lol - I like it and will use that desciption on myself in future :)

Know the practical, few friends, loads of advice feeling too carnival.

I've recently come to the conclusion that people like being given concrete ideas on what to do next - and then promptly reject them :)

So much advice is of the 'uh, oh, mmh' variety that people get hooked on the 'first do a, followed by b and c sort of advice us practical non-crying individuals give out.

Annoying when there is no one to reciprocate this when I'm in a crisis though!

I'm off to cry into my pillow get some sleep :)

Hi my name is Helen and I'm allegedly heard hearted. This is because I don't want to

cry at the Beaches film, have no interest in The Notebook
read books about childhood abuse in Ireland
pass on chain letters about not saving my good underwear for best because I could die tomorrow (my mythical DH will find it unworn in the drawer after I'm gone and cry)

I'm also totally unmoved by

Pictures of cats
said cats dressed in tutus
headbands on new born babies

I have, however, wept quietly on the way to work after a really hard morning with DS.

No one can tell anyone else they are hard hearted just because we don't fit their own expectations.

I have been called hard hearted, icy, cold hearted etc as well as strong, but mostly its a negative opinion, for the same reason. I hardly ever cry, and if i do it will be because of stress or frustration.

I don't think i am hard hearted at all tho, just not someone who cries v easily.

heart like a swinging brick someone said this to me two weeks ago ROFL

Ive heard all kind of reasoning from my dad (who cries quite openly which is a tad wierd)

Everything from its my mother's fault to I have some kind of ASD.

Maybe its because its more fun shouting and swearing like a fishwife before smashing something than standing snotting all over myself. :)

Oh I am pleased I have found fellow ice queens.

I too can cry at a film or a book but only if alone. And oddly only since DD came along. Before that no tears.

And me too! From a very early age apparently I wouldn't be touched or picked up unnecessarily.

The parent issues came later but can't have helped.

I honestly cannot remember when i last cried at a film, and have never cried over a book.

I remember once someone telling me i was an ice queen and really hard to get to know. I told them if they feel like that , then there is a reason for it, and i am what i have to be in certain situations. I also added that if they knew me well enough they would probably change their mind, but i didnt want them to know me that well, so ice queen was fine by me. I see no reason to apologise for how i may be perceived. Especially as these comments have generally been made by married men trying it on, or some cocky bloke who loves himself too much and expects all women to swoon at his feet, then gets the hump when that doesnt happen.

I love my kids and i love my bf, and i am not shy about telling them, but it is an uncommon event if i do cry, like i said it will be from stress wrt something like finances, or worrying over my children. Even when i do cry i get cross with myself, and mostly do it in private (i know there is nothing wrong about crying at times, but it's just how i am).

The times i do give in end quite quickly, then i maybe feel sorry for myself for an hour or so, before "pulling myself together" and addressing how to solve what it was that brought on the tears.

I don't cry publically either. I was brought up with the stiff-upper lip attitude, not the sycophantic diana-esque hart-on-sleeve wearing. I don't do emotions in public, good, bad or otherwise.

I don't think Im heard hearted. I do plain speaking, as it is, and dont dress things up in the fluffy-wuffy-ness that pervades at present. But if you have a problem, I'll always be the first one there with tea and sympathy - usually with solutions along side the teabags!

oh and I don't like being touched either or people invading my space. But that would be a very spectrum trait - and I dont need to go and get a lable to know I am slap bang in the ASD spectrum. However you learn the social nicelties - that other people like air kissing (blurgh) and learning to maintain eye contact slightly longer than is comfortable (or else you are deemed 'shifty') !

i think i come across as hard hearted - however, i can almost always see & empathise with other people's problems, i just don't need to cry about them. my first response is 'how can we fix this'.

i'm currently staying with mil who was recently widowed. understandably she cries at times. i show sympathy & talk to her about her dh, listen to her. but i don't join in the tears. i don't think she'd want me to.

not crying doesn't mean you're hard hearted, not caring does, and there's a difference.

i know a few people who cry bucketloads, but they're far more likely to be selfish than do something for someone else. that makes them hard hearted, imo.

Lou33 are you me?

troisgarcons - spectrum? ASD spectrum? What does this mean?