To not appreciate non-resident boyfriend to keep telling me what to do in my own house?

[JasT1979]

So been seeing someone for around a year but have known him about 3 years. He lives about 10 minutes drive from me so tends to pop in quite a lot on his days off etc. The thing is it's really starting to grate on me the way he keeps trying to boss me around with regards the house saying the grass needs cutting and we "Must" do it this weekend or the back door needs fixing I "must" call the landlord asap. The latest obsession he has is a few mould spores in the bathroom. He says I "must" sort it out. Maybe I should get on with it but AIBU to really resent being told what to do by someone who doesn't even live here? He's even got the anti-mould spray stuff out of the kitchen cupboard for me and left it in the bathroom. I'll do it when I'M ready. It's MY house and I'm an adult!! I don't need lectures on house-keeping from a bloke who thinks it's perfectly normal to keep a basket of over-flowing laundry in the living room and dirty socks on the sofa for days on end!!

AIBU in telling him to just butt out of my house-keeping?

Well I tested the role reversal at his house. I noticed his oven top was FILTHY. Literally oil fat and bits of food all over it so I said "eww you really should clean that!" and he got very defensive and said "I clean it once a week! what's the point in doing it EVERYTIME you cook? it's stupid! anyway you're hardly one to talk!" I was like " my oven top is spotless actually, you can see your face in it!" and so he reverted back to the bathroom . A few days ago I mentioned that a couple of black beetle things had been spotted in the house and ironically, my mum's house had seen the same bugs so I suggested there may be a problem with them this year. This resulted in that awful passive aggressive "giggle" followed by "well, they're attracted to damp houses to be honest".

ShoutyHamster speaks a lot of sense :)

Also, if someone came into my house and handed me some kind of cleaning product they thought I should be using I'd suggest they cracked on it with themselves if it was such a big issue

An order is "have you done the bathroom yet? that needs doing! you can't keep putting it off, here's the spray (hands me spray) "

The repy is, 'no but feel free to carry on'

I think he's being unreasonable, if it bothers him that much why doesn't he offer to do it for you

So Jas do you actually have any fun together when you see him? I'm picturing that the two of you turning up at each other's houses and having a bicker about the state of his kitchen/your bathroom probably doesn't lead to rampant sex or meaningful discussions about life or even just a nice cuddle on the sofa in front of the tv. Why are you with him? Whatever it is, it's not worth it.....

fecking hell, if my boyfriend started ordering me to clean the house (even if we lived together) I would tell him to get on with it if he was so bothered about it. Have you tried that one yet?

Totally agree with SGB - he is being a controlling dick and probably will never change. Criticising revealing clothes is a HUGE sign too, he obviously thinks that everything about you (clothing, house etc) is his to dictate and probably thinks that it reflects badly on him in some way. It's not about him, it's your house and your body and clothes.

Good luck.

Missed the bit about criticising your clothing . He has to go.

It doesn't sound as though you even like him, yet alone love him. Really, what are you doing? Move on, have some fun. You don't need this.

Hah. What a useful little experiment. Well done.

Sorry OP, but he has to go. Move on, a year is nowt, there are better folk out there.

now I feel it's all happening again

It is all happening again! Well done for spotting it before he moved in! Dirty skutter (him, not you)

Next time he does that in your house, tell him the front door needs looking at, from the outside, and slam and bolt the bugger outside.

TWAT!

Now you know what you have, now you know what you have to do.

I read today that a relationship is DOOMED when the abused/controlled/manipulated one wakes up to it.

Sooner you rip off that plaster, the better you will feel!

I see why his ex wife is his ex.

You feel like it's happening again because it is.

Listen to what your instinct is telling you.

And dump this boyfriend.

My dp (resident, but moved in after I had been in my house over a year) is similar to this, but he is helpful - ie DOES the jobs for me, and I like it - he is looking after me imo

Sounds as if he has a key. Pick up the key ring, take it off, put him out. Sit down happily with a cuppa and watch whatever you want on telly (I bet he takes over the remote for your telly doesn't he??) and later have a nice relaxing bath in your mouldy bathroom.

He sounds a bit like a nasty attack of mould that needs getting rid of

I also have a non-resident DP and he wouldn't dream of saying anything like that. If I'm doing a job, he pitches in to help

I don't think his behaviour sounds that bad but it doesn't sound like you like him very much.

[NB He is right about the mould....]

Why are you with him? He sounds horrible. Get rid of him and enjoy your freedom to do as you wish in your own house that you pay for!

I would suggest doing 2 things

1. Get rid of the mould (its nasty and it stains)

2. Get rid of the boyfriend (he's nasty and controlling)

Next time he does that in your house, tell him the front door needs looking at, from the outside, and slam and bolt the bugger outside.

That.

Is.

GENIUS.