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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a moan about staying at MIL's house?

28 replies

DarlingDuck · 07/07/2011 08:30

Am entering my 6th day at MIL's and need to vent!

She doesn't talk, she barks and will start an argument over just about anything. Yesterday morning we caught her making a cup if tea for DS (2) and caught her trying to give him a sip of her wine in the evening (hmm) . She tries to give our DC's sweets constantly, when DH was a child she put coke in his bottle and fed him such an appalling diet his two front teeth rotted and had to be removed.

They smoke in the house but have promised not to while we are here but the house still reeks of it which makes me feel I'll and she doesn't like us having the windows open.

She has a tv in every room and in the front room has a monster 50 inch one which is constantly on, when DC's are happy drawing or playing she will call them in to watch telly. In the evenings she won't let us have any lights on so we have to sit watching the monster tv in the dark, her and FIL like football rd runs so DH and I head off to bed at about 8.

She keeps a bin bag on the kitchen work top next to the bread bin, it's really unhygienic! They have an England flag that they got free with the sun hanging out the bathroom window and make casual racist comments.

I know I'm probably being unreasonable but just need to VENT!!!!

OP posts:

Danthe4th · 07/07/2011 08:39

Sounds like fun!!!! how much longer do you have to stay?

FetchezLaVache · 07/07/2011 08:39

Oh golly, it sounds like hell! How much longer have you got to go? Can there not be a sudden emergency requiring you to decamp immediately?

Wamster · 07/07/2011 08:41

Well, she sounds a bit chav-lile, but, by god, if I were you I would now be thanking my lucky stars because, believe me, there is one breed of mil you REALLY don't want: the 'fake snob in pearls' that I was 'blessed' with!! .
Ignore the germs, fag smoke, and say thanks to your god!

2rebecca · 07/07/2011 08:44

6 days sounds a bit OTT if you don't get on. I'd have done 3 or 4 nights then moved on if she lives some distance away and stayed in b&b/ tent etc if you want to explore the area more. Do this with my southern relatives who I do get on with, but it's a long journey and we like to explore the area as well as seeing relatives. We make sure the b&b etc are far enough away that they can't complain that we should have stayed with them.

TottWriter · 07/07/2011 08:46

YANBU. She sounds like the sort of person I just could not handle in large doses.

How long have you got to stay there? Can you leave early?

Wamster · 07/07/2011 08:46

Does she look at you as if you've killed the queen after she has overheard a night of passion you've had with your dh? I doubt she does. Try to see the good in her. Uptight people who worry what others think can be worse in a lot of ways, be grateful she is not one of them.

Scholes34 · 07/07/2011 09:26

At a push, I could just about handle it all, except the cigarettes. Do people who smoke have no sense of smell?

PedigreeChump · 07/07/2011 09:30

YANBU, I just got back from a week's "holiday" with my PIL and for the last 4 days of it I was horrible, moody, snappy, grumpy. I just can't stand them for more than 1 day. So 6 days - you have my sympathy.

QueenofDreams · 07/07/2011 09:31

Scholes - people who smoke no longer notice the smell. It's like when you're wearing perfume, your nose adjusts and you no longer smell it, but everyone else can. I really notice it now I'm a non-smoker, but when I still smoked I didn't notice how strong the smell was.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 07/07/2011 09:39

Why are you there?

TrillianAstra · 07/07/2011 09:46

Why are you staying with her for 6 days?

I don't want to stay with even people I like for that long.

Scholes34 · 07/07/2011 09:48

QueenofDreams - I think I knew that, but hopefully any smokers out there, including the OP's MIL, will take note!

I think the OP is NBU to vent. I hope it all helps her appreciate the little oasis of calm and pleasant smells when she gets back home.

Wamster · 07/07/2011 09:51

Must admit, though, that staying with anybody for more than a few days is stressful (I don't mean hotels where you can, within the law, do what you like). But, I stand by what I said about her being better than a fake snob in pearls.

TrillianAstra · 07/07/2011 09:52

We need a public service announcement.

Smokers: YOU SMELL

ElizabethDarcy · 07/07/2011 09:56

The smoking alone would be a deal breaker for me... the rest... not great!

Nice to have you staying there, but not good as hosts. Do you HAVE to stay there when you visit? Do you live a long way away?

sue52 · 07/07/2011 10:09

6 days at a friends house is long enough but this sounds like an endurance test. Can't you invent a crisis that needs your urgent attention and leave immediately?

Original poster

DarlingDuck · 07/07/2011 10:11

We live about 5 hours drive away and b&b's etc are so expensive around here! I do actually like her in small doses it is just really hard staying with people, especially when they are just so different. We are leaving on Sunday morning, just got teh weekend to contend with now, on Friday and Saturday night they will be going out and getting so drunk they will come stumbling into the house at 1am, carry on drinking, probably have a row and remember nothing the next morning.

We haven't actually stayed her for so long because of this, it actually bothers DH more than me. The smoking was the main issue, the smell has soaked into all the soft furnishings and I often fantasize about gutting the house to get rid of the smell and disgusting furniture/carpets/wood chip paint job

OP posts:

Scholes34 · 07/07/2011 10:26

I don't know what's worse - the smell of stale smoke, or the smell of stale smoke semi-masked by air freshener?

quimbledonsemi · 07/07/2011 10:31

Fair play to you for visiting at all. I think I would have to just have them visit me or meet them somewhere.

Wamster · 07/07/2011 10:43

Oh well, don't visit for so long in future. I bet that you actually do like her in small doses, try to remember this, and that it could be worse.

Seems that she is having a good time in her life (in her own way which, OK, may not be the way you have a good time, fair enough) and is not the clingy, needy, 'how dare any dil usurp me', type. Be glad of that.

Angel786 · 07/07/2011 10:57

Leave now! Why are you there, she sounds awful!

Wamster · 07/07/2011 11:03

Don't leave now, you've only got a few days left of her. Look, OK, I wouldn't want to stay with her, either, but to leave now would be over the top.
This is a clashing lifestyle issue and not really a personal, mother-in-law issue. Do you see the difference? Bear it for a few days, then make a vow not to visit for more than a few days at a time in future.
Some mils are right bitches, she does not sound like one of them. She sounds uncooth, a bit rough, but there are worse than her.

MadYoungCatLady · 07/07/2011 11:09

Is she nice to you and your DC?

DogsBestFriend · 07/07/2011 11:20

"They have an England flag... "!

oh my God! How very dare they have the flag of this country!

FGS, I'm sick of this anti-English flag crap on MN. Yes, OP, in this case the racist comments, the offering a 2 yo wine and so on are unacceptable and flying the flag arguably a little vulgar on anything less than a church/stately home/palace but it's the flag of this country! My country, the one that I live in, of which I'm proud, a flag which should not be viewed as something unacceptable or shameful.

Oh, and I would have no issue about the tea-drinking, that's another class issue matter which MNers feel strongly about and you're entitled of course to lay down the rules about what your child may or may not drink.

But lay off the flag stuff please, it's the emblem of the country in which your MIL lives and it makes complainants look as if they're trying far too hard to be seen to be PC.

emmanana · 07/07/2011 11:23

I just looked in your garden. Your geraniums are parched and in urgent need of watering. They need you. GO HOME NOW
Seriously, I sympathise.
My MIL sounds very similar. I'm a smoker, though not too heavy. I went to take a tissue out of the box to blow my nose, it was like smoking, it smelled so much of nicotine.
I'm lucky, they don't have a branch of Radio Rentals franchise, only one TV. But I am treated to a commentary (on constant loop) on the neighbour's daughters MIL, the other neighbours sisters piles etc etc. and 'What do I think the woman at no 3's daughter in law should be doing about her boyfriends sisters new car. Sorry MIL, I don't have an opinion on them. They haven't asked for my advice

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