Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To coach my ds what to say when a boy in his class calls me fat

11 replies

pingu2209 · 07/07/2011 08:02

My ds said to me this morning that a boy in his class calls me fat. The boy in question is only 5 and has Asbergers - but to be frank, he is right, I am fat.

My other ds told me a few months ago that a boy in his class called me fat.

I really struggle with my weight and am on a diet and have lost over a stone already. However, I doubt I will ever be skinny.

I'm not angry at the boys, they only stated the obvious. I just feel sad for my boys as I don't want other children to use my weight as a means of being nasty to them.

As I am going to take a long time to lose my weight and experience tells me that I tend to put it back on again. I decided to sit my boys down this morning and explain to them that yes I was overweight but I have a lot of nice things about me too.

I told my boys to say, "Yes she is, she is a good cook and likes to eat. She is always nice to you and lets you come and play in our pool and in our play area. I love my mummy and you are being rude about someone who is nice to you."

Am I being reasonable about a) coaching them what to say b) possibly opening them up to a longer conversation about their mum's weight

OP posts:

overmydeadbody · 07/07/2011 08:06

No, YANBU

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. You are not coaching them to say something horrible.

Lorenz · 07/07/2011 08:06

I hope this doesn't come across as patronising but I think it's brilliant how honest and matter of fact you are about this. As you say, the lad has aspergers and is just saying what he thinks I assume not realising that it's hurtful or rude. In this case I think the response you want your son to fire back is brilliant at highlighting your positive traits and helping the lad understand how his comment hurts. However I don't think you should necessarily tell your son to agree that you're fat. Maybe just leave that bit out :)

WishIWasRimaHorton · 07/07/2011 08:07

i think YAB a bit U to get them to sing your praises like that. something like 'people come in all shapes and sizes' is better than putting words in their mouths.

i assume your DSs are quite little if one of them is 5. perhaps explaining that you are trying to lose weight and the best way to do that is through healthy eating and exercise. but that it doesn't stop you being a happy mummy and loving your children. and then asking them how they feel about it...

effingwotnots · 07/07/2011 08:08

I think you have done the right thing. you sound lovely btw and the explanation you have told them is very open and conversational, not confrontational or defensive in any way.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 07/07/2011 08:08

The preferred option for me would be to smack the kids round the head (hypothetically) but your suggestion is much better! Kids should not be so nasty and it appalls me, from experience, that kids can be so mean at such a young age. I know of someone who was getting bullied for being fat - the person in question was 6 years old and not fat at all. YANBU to prepare a script for them as it helps them deal with the situation also. Kids should be more inclusive and accepting and you are doing the right thing.

begonyabampot · 07/07/2011 08:08

No, that's sounds very reasonable. Was worried it was going to be ' fuck off, turd face!'

LaurieFairyCake · 07/07/2011 08:12

Actually I'd go one further and get him to say "yes, she is - she likes food" in a very matter of fact way.

To me this takes the sting out of it being in any way an insult. Instead it just renders the word fat a description.

Ismeyes · 07/07/2011 08:18

I agree with lauriefairycake, because what you have told him probably won't get remembered by a 5 year old and will end up being summarised as 'yes- she likes food' anyway . I do think you are being very open and honest and setting a fabulous example.

MaryBS · 07/07/2011 08:22

If he has Aspergers, he is not likely to be saying it as an insult, rather a statement of fact (speaking as someone who is fat AND has Aspergers). I like Laurie's suggestion of saying "yes, she likes food".

MissMap · 07/07/2011 10:50

Teach him to say, " Well your mum is ugly, and my Mum can always diet!"

No, really don't teach him anything. It was a throw away remark. Its obviouly a sensitive issue for you (and me) don't make it one for your Dc too.

Good luck with the diet!

drivemecrazy63 · 07/07/2011 12:09

my son is autistic and im fat maybe you could get your dcs to say to this lad, and being inapropriates one of the traits btw so im sure he doesnt understand its hurtful because being tactless is a trait too and saying what pops into his head, what my ds says to others is yes my mums fat and very cudly too like a teddy bear.
actually he tells me probably daily im fat and chubby and have big boobies i try and tell him you shouldnt say that and why but the info just doesnt make it in, he tells me blah blah blah big fat mummy and adds i mean that in a nice way though and says i love you at the same time .

Flip