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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

feels like theft

38 replies

drivemecrazy63 · 06/07/2011 18:46

aibu to expect that when my mother opened an account for each of my dcs when they were born that when my mother dies i would be given the books to continue saving money in the said accounts instead as my sister had legal rights to handle my mothers bank accounts ect she cancelled the accounts which were tax free and put the whole amount in her own currant account as if it was hers, it has caused a big row and for no reason she has said she did it to stop us using it i was shocked shes the one whos so bad with money and had no reason on gods earth to do this bad enough losing our mum but now shes cut me and the dcs off altogether i feel like shes stolen the money from them of course she says they can have it at 18 when mum intended but i fear she will have spent it all by then . i went with mum to open those accounts shes been nothing throughout my mothers illness, death, and she emptied the house before i even went round there and i live in the next road to herid looked after my mum on my own till i was 32 when i married she left home at 17 and she wouldnt let me have anything to do with mum near the end and now ive lost both of them...sorry rambling but feel so hurt

OP posts:
WhoAteMySnickers · 07/07/2011 16:28

I think your sister is bloody disgraceful and if you don't have the stomach to take her to court over this then you need to be prepared to write the money off.

I personally would want nothing more to do with her to be honest, what she has done is appalling, in which case with nothing to lose I'd send your sister a letter along the lines of...

"Dear Sis

With regards to the bank accounts opened for my children by our mum on (date) I understand that each account contained approximately £££. It was our mother's intention for this money to go to my children at the age of 18. Therefore I would be grateful if you could write me a cheque or transfer the money that was contained in those accounts into my account and I, as their parent, will ensure that the money is used as it was intended, for my children you money grabbing fucking bitch".

I'm afraid this would be the end of any sisterly relationship for me. She has literally stolen from your children. What an absolute cow. Angry

Insomnia11 · 07/07/2011 16:35

I didn't think anyone but parents could open accounts for children...?

plupervert · 07/07/2011 17:19

"it would be a horrible battle taking your own sister to court, i dont think ive the stomach for that although she deserves it."

Don't think of it in terms of her. She is being manipulative and has got an emotional hold over a lot of you in the family, so this is the worst approach to take.

It is, however, everything to do with your children. Ignore whatever she says about herself and concentrate on your children's needs.

Try another solicitor; that one sounds as though s/he simply can't be bothered, whereas what you describe is clearly not right at all, and should not be legally enforceable.

LineRunner · 07/07/2011 17:48

This kind of thing happened to two people I know, one a couple of years ago and one case just recently. I encouraged them to go to the police, and one case ended in court (a CPS prosecution) and the other is with CID.

Theft is theft. Intent to deprive etc.

HeyYouJimmy · 07/07/2011 20:07

Your duty is to your DC's, not your sister. Your sister is an adult and has proved that she's more than capable of manipulating the family to believe her, so maybe you should write a letter to all members of your family telling them the situation. After all, they can only ask some choice questions which could put her on the spot and make her very uncomfortable.

Could you get any documents to prove when the accounts were opened, how much was in them when closed and who they were closed by and, if possible, where the money from the accounts had been transferred to (unless they'd been taken out as cash)? I would suggest you explain to the bank why you're asking for this and if they refuse, ring/go to the police, tell them the situation and ask what, if anything they can do?

That money (as another poster suggested) could make a heck of a difference to your DC's lives, so channel your anger, hurt and despair and use it to show everyone your sister for who she really is.

Nagoo · 07/07/2011 20:33

insomnia that is why they needed OP's signature. But the GP can be a trustee I believe.

mummakaz · 07/07/2011 20:40

My grandparents opened up a saving account for me and my 4 brothers...

I would be livid op if my sister done that to my kids. Sorry but others have said SUE HER

mollymole · 07/07/2011 20:42

i can't add anything useful for you but i do have every sympathy and hope things work out for YOU and your DC's

i would take further legal advice and sod your sister it is your children you need to think about

being a trustee does NOt make all the money yours to keep, have you seen a will

cjel · 08/07/2011 10:14

It would be great if you could get the legal advice. Your dcs are going to have a use for the money that dg wanted them to have. Your motivation should be thinking how much it will mean to dcs when they get it. Please see if you can rally the strength.xxxx

frazzle26 · 08/07/2011 10:40

That is disgraceful Shock . I haven't really got anything else to add to what other posters have already said but definitely contest the will. Your sister should be ashamed of herself.

drivemecrazy63 · 08/07/2011 12:33

thanks everyone, its so hard when its family isnt it, I am not usually so soft but because when she was dying my mother said all the usual things like look after your sister I keep thinking she would be angry were arguing , she always was soft on sis I think becuase she had so many partners and was unhappy, where as she believed my DH and I were so happy and were so solid, id grown up a lot having an autistic son and my husband disabled in iraq weve been through so much and still working hard at marriage and family life she looked at me to be the strong one as i always am and look after her.
Im feeling so incredibly guilty as my mum was such a soft character she would just turn the other cheek and expect me to do the same, but I just cant do that it feels what with everything else shes done over the years the last straw , I feel betrayed and shes doing the thing people do in rows of turning the tables and blackening my name . why do you think shes doing this to me , why wouldnt she let me be involved with our mum before she died or help with clearing her belonings or assist with the funeral , I felt like i didnt exist

OP posts:
drivemecrazy63 · 08/07/2011 12:38

sorry forgot to add i had seen the will then a few weeks before she died my sister and her dh took mum without my prior knowledge to another solicitor and changed it , i have never been allowed o see it and i have asked , so i guess ive two choices see a solicitor or forget it and let the dcs when there 18 confront her with my dh if they want it, atm they have said they dont want to see her she can stick it where the sun dont shine Shock but they are angry too as shes made terrible phone calls they have overheard in past shes turned up on the doorstep screaming ( this was because the dcs went to football with her husband) its there uncle surely they shouldnt have to forget him they love him just becuase she decided to divorce DH no 5

OP posts:
fiveisanawfullybignumber · 09/07/2011 08:21

As a previous poster said, go to the police. they might handle it for you without solicitors etc. And would also be more effective, would you rather a solicitors letter or police turn up on your doorstep!

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