to spend precious time out of my day hating...

[BerylOfLaughs]

Biff, Chip, Kipper et al?

Just loading the dishwasher now and got a surge of hatred for them. Really. It's ridiculous. At what stage/level do they fuck off?

Suddenly, the magic key began to glow.

Fuck off. Who needs to read that sentence 100 times to learn how to read?

Ahem.

Fourth child.

I sit there and work out which would be the fastest way to due.

Mum's Earrings?

(stab in the jugular)

Discarded spectacles?

(slit in the wrist)

Random dog bone?

(choking)

Peedow Nosy Neighbour?

(whips and chains)

Dodgy Caretaker?

(COSHH mishap)

Any which way would be a blessed release from the unrelenting repetitude.

die

Obv.

Be grateful you were never subjected to Bloody Roger Red Hat, Jennifer Yellow Hat and Billy Blue Hat.

Feckin' village with Three Corners.

You don't actually have to read 180 in yr 1! was just thinking if you did you may finish them sooner.

Chaos, you give a good reason for limiting the number of children one has.

Ahhh, I am now thanking God for small mercies...DD (6) announced to her Yr1 teacher that "Biff and Kipper are stupid and I wont read them any more"

I was but RESULT, she no longer get them (although she now gets 'factual' books that are soooo boring to listen to that I actually look forward to bedtime and the continuing sagas of the fecking Rainbow Fairies)

Whenever they are able to read chapter books basically. DD1 is in year 1 and loves her reading and finished ORT books a few months ago.

I loved my reading scheme at school - Tim and the Hidden People. Very spooky!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_and_the_Hidden_People

I thought I'd seen the last of them in 1990, when I finished reading them....but nooooooooooooo 20 years later, they are still rotting young minds all over the country.

They could get rid of Fanny, Dick & Co. but Biff, Kepper and Chip are all totally acceptable apparently?! Enid would be turning in her grave

LtEveDallas have you had the really fucked up drugged up odd one called Food As Art?

It still haunts me know

I'm such an idiot. Someone recommended the Rainbow Fairies books to me and I bought the entire set.
They are so badly written and utterly insipid!

DS1 had one a couple of weeks ago (chicken pox one - maybe called Spots??) - anyway, I noticed that in the picture of the bedroom, there was a poster on the wall that was clearly meant to be George Michael in his prime Wham days....shows how old they are!!

I suspect DD's teacher may be on mumsnet and know exactly who I am.
DD has come home today with 2 distinctly non ORT books. One published nearly forty years ago, but hell, I'll take what I can get.

turn it to humour

What an adventure! said everyone. Oh. My. God.

Have you seen the advert on Talk round up?

Think it's sad how we get like this, I guess the clumsy word is "desensitised", to this kind of thing. I remember being completely entranced by really empty skeletony things...and my imagination seems to have completely shrunk! I took every chance to watch the Tweenies when I was sevenish, because my mum would never let me watch them, but it was like a magical world kind of place...kind of a synthetic Ruritania :o

i have 2 children in the same year which meant 2 lots of reading the.same.book.every.night

in the end i made one child read the book back wards to ease the pain

Oh ezzie, you'd think they could have been given different books!

Not seen the advert Chaos.

Oh God, just seen the advert.

Eff Right Off.

Thank you OP for allowing me the joy and luxury of expressing my utter hatred of Chip, Biff and fucking Kipper, and that whole miserable soulless reading scheme and those dreary stories which suck all the joy out of reading.

I'm on third time around with Biff et al.

It's not too bad this time with DD who is a swot very enthusiastic reader. 5 minutes and story and words for the next one done.

However, both DS's loathed reading in reception, year 1 and year 2 and every book was pure bloody torture!

We gave up on them and let them read books from home that they were actually interested in as they both started to hate reading.

I reckon I've got about 2 years Biff free til DS3 starts on them.

They are terrible, aren't they? Biff and Baff and Fucko and their utterly witless, stilted, deadly stories, produced by someone with no concept of narrative or internal consistency... THank fuck for my lovely clever DS who whizzed through a load of them by the middle of year one and is now on Free reading.