Would I be unreasonable to use...

[LittleMissFlustered]

Napalm? The garden was visited by the vengeful god of 'I fecking hate gardening' last week, in the form of a few mates who have literally wiped out anything that isn't grass, which is now a uniform one and one half inches high in all places.

The problem is that the ants and fleas have taken exception to my radical new gardening religion, and have invaded my house! The kitchen is just one big ant commune, and my poor son is bearing the brunt of the flea attack.

So I ask you, would using napalm to obliterate not only the fleas and ants, but what remains of my garden and any lingering dirty dishes be really so unreasonable?

I think I need a and perhaps some alternative suggestions for if Tesco is out if napalm when I call in tomorrow...

I believe you can make a passable alternative to napalm with petrol and Vaseline.

May be best to give your fence a bit of a soaking first though, unless you are very close to your neighbours and don't mind a communal garden.

I shall file that for further thought, thank you.

I swear there was an ant watching me make a cuppa earlier. I've given up sugar in my tea, it appeared disgusted at this, as there were no sugar crystals to cart off to their new citadel in the utility room.

Stupid insects! :o

hire a flame thrower?

Ant Stop! It's the bees blinking knees! Drives the fuckers crazy; then they die :o

Fleas: go to local vet and purchase nuvan top or some such flea spray. Remove child from house, preferably to friends/nursery and spray all your carpets, rugs, cushions, mattresses...you see where this is going.
Make a coffee, get your breath back. Then, Hoover ever inch of your house. Was down every surface with watery bleach solution....fleas, done!
Ants: big bottle of baby powder. Liberally spray powder around all entrances to your house, behind fridge, washing machine, dishwasher, gaps etc.
Ants, done!

Happy, Strumpy, I make note of your excellent suggestions. But that would leave me with a garden still full of insects, and I would have to wash the tea pots too!

They won't step on the ant stop or baby powder. So a ring of either around the house will stop them coming in! Fact! I've lived in a hot country where the buggers where mahooosive! They hate that powder. Fleas is a blitz and bleach job unfortunately!

Well, I am in the city centre, and will be buying flea killing materials. Have got talc in already, but I might buy some killer as well, seeing as I'm in a murderous kind of mood. Thanks for the help.